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I Used To...

Sunday, October 27, 2013

I used to skip breakfast. I used to eat almost a full day's worth of calories at lunch time. I used to snack shortly before bed almost every night. I used to drink four glasses of wine, maybe a beer too, before finishing with a glass of scotch or cognac at all family functions. I used to hold my stomach in as tightly as I could to give the illusion that I was thinner than I really was. I used to eat so much my stomach felt like it would burst, and then I'd eat more. I used to spend 30 minutes or more each morning struggling to find something to wear that didn't accentuate my ever growing waistline. I used to get extra large reese peanut butter cup blizzards on a weekly basis. At the end, in the last months before I retook control of my life, I used to go buy small birthday cakes every other week, and polish them off by myself over a two evening period... when no one was watching... telling myself that I was killing myself with every single bite, but not being able to stop myself. I used to tell myself that I needed to change, but then I would acquiesce to the lie that I just couldn't help myself... and so I didn't. I did nothing. For years I let get worse, and did nothing.

And then I pleaded with myself... to do something... to not let my life be wasted in a secret misery.

So now I wake up around 6:30am every morning to make sure I have time to eat a regular breakfast and get to work early. Now I eat lunch at close to the same time every day and make sure that it affords me a safe buffer of calories to eat without stress in the evening. Now I drink one glass of wine at most functions - with the rare debauched evening here and there. Now I rarely take more than I need at dinner - enough to simply satisfy, with maybe three stuffed feelings in the last four months (all planned). Now I have energy to run circles around my son - to pick him up and toss him in the air as he loves. Now I spend maybe four minutes picking out clothes in the morning, feeling confident and looking athletic in every thing I put over my skin. Now I look forward to social events, my timidness in unleashing my personality and humor upon my friends and family is completely gone.

Now I see that our futures are merely the end result of the choices we muster the strength to make today, ones we choose to follow through with as if there simply is no other choice. There is nothing that we haven't the strength to overcome - nothing that given time, and patience, and desire, and love, that we cannot see come to pass in our lives. If you want something bad enough, if your heart desires something with it's entirety, and you start walking toward it with all of your focus, then now I know that it is only a matter of time before you'll reach that destination. Come what may... you'll get there. Don't lose hope. Never lose hope. It will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not in a month. Maybe it will take years for you to get there, but if you'll walk that path every day, and don't let the times of darkness scare you off that path... then you'll get there, and the journey will have been worth every single second.

Random musings late on a Saturday night. Hope your weekends are going incredibly well.

198 lbs. Thirteen more to go. Officially switching my mind onto thoughts of maintenance.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love that you told us what you used to do. We can all see ourselves in this post. But I'm very very happy that you decided to make the "use tos" a thing of your past. Look at what you have gained! Look at the time and quality of life that has suddenly been given to you! And call me a little bit selfish here but I'm happy your journey has brought you to this site, this place, where I have found a wonderful and amazing friend. :) You give my heart and spirit wings.

    BTW, I don't "bonk" anymore lol. Just sayin'.
    1570 days ago
  • KANOE10
    Great blog. I have many I used to habits that are now gone. Thanks for an inspirational blog, You are a great success story.
    1597 days ago
    There are so many things you talk about in that first paragraph that were a part of my daily/weekly routine as well - the "before" part. I hated it too! There are also things I can relate to in the "after" discussion as well - the way things are now. Making changes in your everyday life can not only change how you go about each day for now, it can change your life forever - whether it's in a good way or a bad way is up to each of us and the choices we make.

    Excellent blog!
    1599 days ago
    Funny what we see sometimes looking changes were subtle and mostly change in diet. First my honey and I cut out soda, and it just lead to better health choices.....not so much processed food and sugar, no more bleached flour or bread, if there's a low calorie alternative, we'll try it.

    I've been around the same weight for most of my adult life, so the changes didn't do much for my waistline~but find I have more energy, look younger, more fit. My boyfriend started lifting weights and working out, and it has inspired me to try to maybe make my body look better~more muscle definition and tone. I just need to keep up on what I say I'm going to do.....

    It helps to have inspirational people around to remind me, it can be done, I can do it, and before you knowing living healthy will be a normal "lifestyle"
    1600 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Well said sir. Those are all struggles that I am sure that most of us here on SP can relate to. The great news is that you are not only dropping the weight but you have made a true lifestyle change! Congrats on that and your success!
    1600 days ago
    Great blog post! Always great to read an inspirational story like yours and to see not only the change in your body but in your mind. Congrats on your amazing success and I wish you all the best heading into maintenance! Thanks for being a motivator!

    1601 days ago
  • KAT321123
    I still can't get over how amazing you look. But more importantly, I can't get over how profound you've been about your journey. And I really admire and envy your ability to be transparent and to really put yourself out there -- I know you're going to help so many people with your honesty and openness.

    I seriously got a little misty-eyed envisioning you playing with your son. It must be incredible for your family to see you with all of this energy -- for your son to enjoy running around with him and for your wife to watch that. That's a truly beautiful image.

    You SO get it. I love that you can give yourself some breathing room (an extra glass or two...or three...of wine here and there) without throwing away your goals entirely. I have so much faith in your ability to continue to be the healthiest you that you can be for your whole lifetime.

    So proud of you, my friend!
    1601 days ago
    wow that first paragraph describing your old lifestyle is soo relatable to me in every way that I was sitting here feeling awkward that my secret is out & someone else knows. I relate to the secret eating & sometimes I catch myself still doing it just not to that calibre anymore. It is all about baby steps & slowly getting someplace with yourself that you want to be. You have come far in your journey & no doubt continuing to grow & learn everyday. we're in this together & its always a relief to see/hear that I'm not alone.

    1601 days ago
    The best part about what I see in your journey is not just the weight that you've shed, as impressive as that is, but is the shift in your thinking. You don't merely strive to think that you're worth making this effort to be healthier, you KNOW that you're worth it. Continue to let that light shine, my friend!
    1602 days ago
    I still rarely eat breakfast, but the rest of the things I can see myself in. You've come a long way, keep up the good work.
    1602 days ago
    I still do some of those things. But I think I'm on a path that will lead to greater health and wellness. Thanks for your inspiring blog. Glenn
    1602 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    Great blog ! You have come such a long way, Gregg. and it's wonderful to see how your commitment has changed your life !

    Your "used to" list triggered memories of things I used to do too! It also lit a spark in me concerning new fitness decisions I want to try out. Thank you for this !

    BTW, LOVE the Captain America tee !
    1602 days ago
  • MMS48390
    Awesome post! You are doing awesome and a great motivator! emoticon
    1602 days ago
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