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The Old Me And Why I Love Her

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Saturday, October 26, 2013

Today is day 11 of my streak!

A couple of years ago, I belonged to a women's gym. One day, one of the members came in with a scrapbook she was creating about her weight loss journey. She had lost about 50 lbs, and was very close to her goal weight. Everyone took a look at her scrapbook, which was really well done and creative. The first pages were her "before" pictures, with her at her top weight. Even though she was overweight, she was still lovely and had a great smile. But yet...the pages with her "before" pictures were decorated with cows and pigs, and she had written some pretty rude comments about herself! She called herself "Fatty" and there was even a comment she'd written that said something about being too big to fit in the barn with the cows.

Everyone who looked at that scrapbook got a chuckle over those pages, and then moved on to the rest of the book, oohing and ahhing over how much progress she'd made. But to be honest, those first pages kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. And even though that happened a few years ago, I still think of it from time to time.

It just strikes me as incredibly sad that she would put herself down that way. The world is ready to put you down enough as it is, so why be so denigrating to yourself?

When I look at my own "before" pictures, I don't say bad things about myself. This is me, on March 1, 2012, when I started my journey;

(More pictures.."before" and "during"...are in my Spark photos.)

When I look at those pictures of the old me, it brings tears to my eyes. Tears of love and gratitude! I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug and say "Thank you for having the courage and strength to get started. Thank you for not giving up even though it was super hard. Thank you for stealing your life back!"

I will never hate the person I used to be, because she is the one who got started and brought me to where I am today. I still have a long way to go on my journey, but thanks to the "before" version of me who had the guts to take that first step, I have lost 71 lbs and gotten so much healthier.

As of today (October 26) there are 66 days until New Years Day! I have been challenging myself to make as much progress as I can by January first. I am working hard to make this a healthy holiday season! I have a few Spark friends who are joining me on this challenge, and one of them told me I should start a team. So....I think I might! Right now its just in the "under consideration" stage. But if you would be interested in joining a private team with me (with our focus being on having a healthy holiday season) let me know. If I get enough interest, I will start a private team and send you an invitation.

PS: Love yourself no matter what your weight is. Love yourself enough to take care of your health, because you are worth it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love your encouraging blog...and I would]ld LOVE to join your holiday team...I really want to stay strong during the holidays and know this would be a great help.
    800 days ago
    emoticon words Pixie! Hey, if you ever do start a team challenge of some sort please let me know as I would be very interested in joining! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1115 days ago
    I'm going through old blogs that I previously missed and am SO happy to have found this one! I have been down and back up a couple of times--even since joining Spark--and am very disappointed in myself. What you wrote here really speaks to me about the attitude I have about myself right now. Thank you!
    1374 days ago
    emoticon so much for this emoticon blog.
    I have sometimes said bad things to/about myself. Usually when i am really frustrated with something else. But that's when the worst of me comes out.

    i appreciate all you have shared and it will make me think twice about saying negative stuff.

    1390 days ago
    Full of wisdom. emoticon
    1484 days ago
  • AMBER461
    Thanks for your inspiring blog. This really touch my heart to love yourself don't matter how big you are or how small is the right way to go. I am very touch by your kind words of wisdom to the very big guys, I just hope that they take it to heart and love themselves no matter what. Thank you again.
    1513 days ago
    great post!
    1527 days ago
    Great blog...a person should love themselves through all he stages of their lives. All times may not be the best and there are ups and down with health, weight and relationships, but you need to care for yourself
    1532 days ago
    Another great blog. Thanks for reminding us to keep loving who we were/are and not just saving all the good feelings for that future person we are trying to uncover.
    As for starting a private team---great idea. I would love to join. emoticon
    1533 days ago
    One of the best Spark posts I've ever read. God bless you and your hubby. He is certainly worth his weight in gold. Take good care of yourself. I appreciate how hard it is to maintain weight after losing. Let's keep going onward!
    1535 days ago
    1536 days ago
    Just in the right time! I was depressed with my weight journey just a minute ago , I guess I am having one of those bad days not more but I felt really bad. However your blog just get me back to my " norm" and I am full of hope again! I would never let myself down again.. Good job.. Keep going on.. I will too make sure that I will meet 2014 with my very own victory. Cheers !!
    1541 days ago
    A great blog! I agree, losing weight won't necessarily mean you will love yourself more. Before I had gained all this current weight I am trying to lose I was still unhappy with little features be it my hair, or my nose. I have learned to love these things about myself so I hope when I cross my weight loss finish line I will be a new and much happier me.
    1541 days ago
    Amazing post (brought tears to my eyes) - so true in so many ways. emoticon
    1541 days ago
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    1541 days ago
    I can always count on your blogs/SparkPage for inspiration Pix !!!

    I really really like the photo w/the woman's neck w/sparkles; I may borrow it! My neck used to be a big sore spot w/its Frankensteinian scar, but now I appreciate it.

    I have not been kind to myself this Oct either, but slowly getting back on track.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1541 days ago
    Wow, I think I really need to be your friend after reading that.... WOW! Got goosepimples and everything!
    1541 days ago
  • REDHEAD107
    Words of wisdom... and wonderful to hear. I'd like to be part of your team. emoticon
    1541 days ago
  • NANCY19662
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    1542 days ago
    I am reading a book about how over eating and other compulsive behaviors are to compensate for not receiving or finding love in our lives. The book encdourages us to love all parts of ourselves thatwe we can get rid of the mental pain that weighs as down along with the fat that makes us heavy.
    1542 days ago
  • KHANSON753
    Thank you for such a soulful blog. You have a true gift of words in making value ourselves. Just what Ineeded! emoticon
    1542 days ago
    This should be mandatory reading. Thank you for writing it.
    1542 days ago
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    1542 days ago
    Beautiful blog...you are exactly right. This body brought me three beautiful children; this body has endured 40 + years on this earth through all the crazy things I have brought upon it. This body deserves love and respect...thanks for your blog today. Completely awesome. emoticon
    1542 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    1542 days ago
    Hello my dear .. as usual you speak from your heart straight to mine .. thank you for sharing of yourself so we can be encouraged.. you amaze me!!
    Sorry I haven't been here much but I'm back even if I have to stay up all night to read and blog !! I'm going to because I need to!! I need you and my other Spark friends and the staff to help me every step of the way.
    I just love your blogs .. and you so once again wow emoticon
    1542 days ago
    Wow. What a great blog! Why would we hate ourselves at any weight? Thanks for blogging this!
    1542 days ago
    Very Well written, I needed that today. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights with us. emoticon emoticon
    1542 days ago
    What a well written and thoughtful blog.
    1542 days ago
    Thank you. Sometimes I forget that perspective of love thy self fat or thin.
    1542 days ago
    This was very touching - I definitely needed this today emoticon emoticon
    1542 days ago
    1542 days ago
  • MARUKI52
    Count me in please. It will give me something to work towards.
    1542 days ago
    Thank you for this. I believe these words to be true, but it can be a lonely world out there. Your words are a gift!
    1542 days ago
    i love this post and it is so true
    1542 days ago
  • TREV1964
    This yet again is a fantastic blog Pixie.

    I know looking back at pictures of myself before March this year I did not find shocking at the time - I am however shocked by them now but that is because I know I have changed from then to the person I am today.

    Hating myself would not help me to achieve anything for the future and would not enable me to complete my goals because hate is destructive.


    1542 days ago
    1542 days ago
    You are no longer human in my book. You have to be more than human to be so wise.
    You are an Angel, I think, a most kind and loving Angel.

    I really think your blogs are the most meaningful blogs ever written here or anywhere else on the internet, and the people you directly touch with your inspiring words are truly grateful to you.

    I know I am! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1542 days ago
    I am so glad that you shared all this! Thank you!

    If you start a team I would definitely be interested. emoticon
    1542 days ago
  • QBURT42
    Your blog brought me to tears....

    I am day 2 into my journey. My biggest problem has been loving and being kind to myself. Not only do I want to lose the weight but I want to learn to treat myself the way I deserve.

    Thank you for your blog. It really was exactly what I needed to hear/read today! I would love to join your challenge!
    1542 days ago
    As always, I not only enjoy reading your blogs but I LOVE reading them! You motivate and inspire me - THANK you!! I would love to be part of your holiday team. (Especially since I am going to have surgery in a couple of weeks). Although, I am concerned about how much physical activity I'll be allowed or even able to do. But, I'd like to have the tool to keep motivated and inspired during my recovery. I will do my BEST to log in as often as I can as to not let the team down. emoticon
    1542 days ago
    I would love to be included in your healthy holiday challenge! I am currently reigniting the Spark to flame my fitness streak!

    I enjoyed your blog and look forward to reading more of them!

    1542 days ago
  • JB5MOM
    Perfectly said! emoticon
    1542 days ago
  • VANGO79
    Thank you for the inspirational words. And I think a healthy holiday challenge would be awesome! emoticon
    1542 days ago
    Pixie, so well said! Loved your blog and would be very interested in a private team. emoticon
    1542 days ago
    Love your blog. Thank you! I'd like to join your holiday challenge. I'm already doing a countdown to New Years. It started as 99 days of Healthy eating. I haven't blogged about it recently, but I'm still doing the healthy eating.
    1542 days ago
    hi there i'm new to this i just start today and i'm start to do my plans next week but till then i'm start on a water plan which is i have till 6pm or 7pm to eat something then i when it hits 6 or 7pm i start drinking water. i read this blog and i just wanted to say thank you because i don't like the way i look even though when you look at me i don't look like i weight 200lbs but i do some people in my family do put me down and then it makes my feel writhless and i just wanted to say after reading this blog i felt happy and no writhless. I don't really care what people think till they say what they are really thinking of me which make me sad but any way i want to get healthy for myself i said that before and stop but since i'm going to make my self be on spark people every day maybe i wont go off track and i have to be true to my self so thank you for the plosive blog :)

    1542 days ago
    Love your blogs! You are so insightful. I would be interested in a team.
    1542 days ago
    Thanks so much for this post. Self hatred is a terrible thing I have learned that you can't give love if you don't start with yourself first. I would join your team if you decide to start it. Best!

    1542 days ago
  • DIVKAT23
    Hey Pixie! Even before i added you as a spark friend, I was motivated by your posts...
    Thank you for always being so good with words...

    This is a great blog and i'm very interested in being a part of this private team... Lets do this... Give our best at the end of the year and welcome a healthy 2014!! Looking forward... emoticon
    1542 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.