Saturday, October 26, 2013
Omygosh, I am really screwed up in my sobriety, I feel like a newcomer-not in the sense of using/drinking (that is not an option although the thoughts creep up), I feel like I am trapped and don't know what to do. And then I have this pride thing going on about asking for help and then following thru when the help is offered. I am grateful for the comments and posts I have received over the last few days, totally uplifting. I did reach out and go to a meeting/dinner with a friend much needed. I just struggle with the spirituality of the program. And how to use the tools and the only time I read the Big Book is when someone tells me to turn to such and such whatever page. And I still struggle with "What is the point?" Not that I am going to do anything stupid I don't have the guts. These thoughts are so unlike me and that is why I feel like my sobriety program is all screwed up.