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    HEYBUTT   17,246
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If you can't find your place, maybe the problem is YOU

Friday, October 25, 2013

The prodigal fatty returns!!

*snicker*

Ok, I just had to be snarky there. I haven't fallen off any wagons or anything like that. In fact, I'm maintaining my weight fairly well (lost a few pounds but nothing to brag about) and just living my new life (in regards to paying attention to what I eat and how much I exercise and all that). Yeah, I still have a heap to lose but I'm working on all kinds of things so. . .I'll get there.

My vacation from spark land coincided with my finding another place to "talk weight loss". It's just a recurring thread on a forum I frequent (not a "weight loss community" like this here spark) and I was enjoying weekly mini check-ins there and it was filling my need for accountability and all that but. . .then it happened.

One person who frequents the thread, who was in it long before I ever started posting in it and who has been crazy successful with their weight loss started getting on my nerves. At first I thought it was just me having a heaping helping of sour grapes. I'm not denying that there is a bit of that there. We have to be honest and just admit that when someone is able to succeed while we flounder, it's annoying and we get that "I hate you" stab of negativity. But I did my due diligence and focused on being positive instead but it's almost to the point I can't tolerate it anymore.

This person has gone from just being the slightly over zealous cheer leader and "keeper of all the weight loss knowledge" (aka repeating all the tropes we've all heard like "drink your water" and "get your sleep" *eyeroll*) to a bit of a bit of a braggy thing and now is moving into the realm of victim.

Yes, you read that right.

It's morphed from backhanded bragging (like acting all shocked that they're wearing such small sizes, things like "I'm so nervous, I just bought a new pair of pants and the customer service person assured me they would fit. They're a size 4!!!") to outright acting like the general population is out to get them because they are now a smaller size. The words "skinny shaming" were actually used.

I think that might be my last straw.

Yes, I can agree that when folks flat out ask you personal questions like "how much have you lost?" it's rude and your numbers are none of their business. But just because folks are being overly nosy does not mean they are SHAMING you for being thin.

Oh, I think skinny shaming is just as real as fat shaming. When you see some really thin person and either think or say "eat a sandwich!" you are shaming them for their body. But asking someone who has clearly lost weight what size they are (or something) is NOT skinny shaming. It's just generic rudeness.

(I also call b.s. just a tiny bit because, let's continue to be honest, everyone likes when they get attention for losing weight. Even the most hard core person who's super private and is so politically correct they shine likes getting weight loss approval even if they don't want to like it. It's so ingrained in our culture that "fat is incorrect" that we want to be "correct" and want rewarded for it in some way)

So I'm irked at this one person in this thread and am just about to say, "Eh, just forget that thread, you have all kinds of way to get your "stay accountable" fix" and then something occurred to me.

If I can't find my place, maybe the problem is ME.

Ok, so that's not that shocking of a revelation but it's one of those icky ones you wish had never occurred to you. Because now that I've admitted I know it, I have to work to fix it. Ewww.

So now I've identified that I'm a passive aggressive person who can't celebrate other folks successes and have low tolerance for whining. Why? Because both things point out how flawed I am and some of those flaws are just things I have to accept (and/or live with) and there is no "answer" and that drives me crazy.

I want to fix everything that is "wrong" about me and that's just not reasonable. I want to be perfect. I want to have my success, enjoy the accolades and still be modest and inspire others and not wallow in envy when someone else does "better" than me. . .

So now I'm about ready to walk away from that thread and just avoid that poster (who now irks me in other ways because I'm hyper aware of their presence and kind of looking to find things about them that annoy me) but to be honest, I don't want to.

I think the challenge to myself is to stay in that thread and work to use it to my advantage (my "accountability fix") while ignoring this person who irks me. Walking away only rewards me.

I also need to come back here and stick it out. This is a great place for getting that "accountability fix". I'm perfectly capable of ignoring the biggest sources of annoyance (those message boards--holy crap, are they full of annoying or what?) and just using the parts that work for me.

And I do miss the handful of individuals who I've found here. You folks are good people who strike the right balance with me. I appreciate that. It's not right to walk away from you guys.

So, I'll be back more regularly. It's what I need.

(oh, and I have a big ole nasty rant brewing inside me but I'm really not sure I should share it because it's a hot button topic but it totally ties in with the theme of this post, the whole "identifying the flaws in yourself and not letting them get the best of you" thing. . .but I need to give that rant a tiny bit more time so I can craft it well so I'm not being a bull in a china shop when it comes to such a delicate topic. . .how's that for a teaser, huh?)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEISTYOWL 10/28/2013 11:41PM

    Hell, it don't matter to me what brought you back here, I'm dang glad to see you!!! The world is full of self-righteous people, which is such a bummer cause they suck the life outa ya. But working through it is a good thing, which is what you are doing.

Okay, now inquiring minds want to know...no more teasing now...out with it - blog away, I'm dying to read something good!!

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MAIM138 10/25/2013 3:29PM

    Oh hey!

I know just what you mean. I have a coworker who is trying to lose weight for her wedding and has made some seriously minor changes like giving up pound cake (or whatever, I don't know) and walking for 20 minutes at lunch and has lost the same amount of weight I have -- while I've been busting my got-dang a$$ and have made drastic changes to my diet (like, veganism, for instance). I'm all GRRRRR every time she talks about how "hard" it is to get those walks in. And how she's BOUGHT some workout DVDs, but hasn't taken them out of her car yet. And how her weight loss is SO SLOW.

OH JUST SHUT UP.

Oh, hi. Welcome back!

EDIT: I used to be Transmigrate. Ha. I forgot I changed jackets.

Comment edited on: 10/25/2013 3:30:35 PM

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IRISHBEANERGAL 10/25/2013 3:04PM

    ooohhhhh two of my favorite hot button gals are chimin' in .... Can't wait for the blog...

by the way- you were missed. A LOT. Your snarky, in your face honesty is what I CRAVE for my accountability. Cheerleaders need not apply.

Looking forward to your next blog - how about a heads up so we CAN see it before you get reported?? LOL

~Irish



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HEYBUTT 10/25/2013 2:37PM

    Don't worry, Face. I set my blog to "friends only" to deter the prying eyes. I still might ruffle feathers (if/when I get my hot button rant penned) but the fall out should be a lot less.

I also went "friend only" because the name I use here is the same as the forum I was talking about and I want to discourage anyone from that forum finding me here (not that I think they're looking and I don't mention spark there much, if at all).

Attention whore does kind of sum the person up. They have to mention their weight loss all the time in non-weight loss threads too. I try to cut them slack. They're clearly super obsessed with their weight loss (really into spreadsheets and crunching numbers and the whole works) so some of it is just the whole "I"m super into this, so everyone else must be to, right?"

I think you'll really like the "hot button" topic I teased about. It's one of yours too.

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 10/25/2013 1:34PM

    Oh man do I remember those days! I was part of forum like that about 10-13 years ago and some people just push those buttons. Some of them are well intentioned but you can also sniff out the attention whores who need constant validation and it gets a little old.

I miss your hot button posts...fire away! I want to read it before someone reports you!

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