Thursday, October 24, 2013
"Why should I not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside, looking into the shining world?" ~ Mary Oliver
Isn't that lovely? I will have to read some of her poetry.
So, this morning I meant to go over to my Brothers to workout. I usually confirm the night before but I didn't this time.
Still, he seemed to know I meant to workout today because he messaged me to tell me that I was a no show. I decided to sleep in.
I considered showing up anyway. I considered this briefly.
I called my Brother and by the time I reached him he was already working. He works at home as well, although at a totally different level than me.
He kind of asked me what was going on with me and I told him that I was sleeping. I didn't tell him that I've been watching birds.
He says that this might be the onset of depression.
I'm kind of touched by his concern. It's nice to have someone who notices. For a long time, no one would notice if I lost my mind or not. Or, dare to say anything about it. Lately I've come to really value my Brother's opinion. Although we are totally different, he seems to intuitively understand certain things about me. I guess that's how siblings are when you get older.
I'm sure he's right. It is about time I got into the swing of things. But, I don't feel depressed. I just feel profoundly relaxed, like I haven't been in a very very long time.
I suppose every family is unique. I always feel like nothing is ever enough with my family.
For example, it was 7am when I had this conversation with my Brother. For over a year, I have been getting up at 5am and getting 3, 4, or 5 hours of sleep a night.
Not too long ago, I slept all day long, and no one noticed. Which is why it is nice that someone notices or cares. I wouldn't want to slip into that sort of depression again.
My point is, when you look at it objectively, is waking up at 7am really lollygagging? Just a rhetorical question.
I remember I told my Dad that I just wanted to get some sleep. I explained to him that I have been averaging 4 or 5 hours a night. Sometimes I only get 3.
He says to me, 'Well, maybe you need at least 6.'
He cracks me up.
Of course, I see where he is coming from. My Dad left for work at 6am for probably 40 years. It's a different point of view. It's a work at all costs point of view. I can't count how many heart attacks my father has had. He's a good person but you know, I'm not sure that I'm 100% vested in his lifestyle.
So, what is my point? My point is that my family is both right and wrong. My Brother is correct to be concerned that I might fall into a depression and I will take his caution to heart. My Dad is correct in thinking that I shouldn't sleep all day long. But you know, I really don't do that anymore.
Also, in balance, I will continue to listen to myself as well as everyone else. LOL