Thursday, October 24, 2013
OK, it's started today already. Just got a call from my ex-boss. She hasn't been to work yet, and doesn't know I quit. She was sounding tired, but almost nice. I'm really, really wondering what she is going to do when she finds out I quit. I wonder if she'll call me, or if it's all just water under the bridge. You know, I know that I did the right thing by quitting, because I don't feel bad about it at all. I feel good, really good. I am a little sad to be leaving my clients. But other than that, I'm really, really happy. I want what is best for my boss too, she just needs to take some lessons on how to treat people. Her callous disregard for me, after giving her 4.5 years of very good work, is not acceptable. Yikes, she's calling right now. I really can't bear to hear what she has to say. Man, this is harder than I thought it would be. She left a message and I need to listen to it, but I'm a bit scared. Ending relationships is hard. And we had become quite good friends, it wasn't just a boss/employee situation. Which makes everything about this ten times harder. She was definitely wrong, in this situation, and many others, but it isn't like she is all bad, no one is. And I have to decide how to move forward, without having any regret. Man, I actually think this is my first "break-up". I've never quit a job for any reason other than moving, or getting a better one. This is a sad day. And I know my clients are going to be really upset to see me leave with no notice like that. Oh well, it is what it is, I have a feeling I'm going through some emotional turmoil over this for awhile. Barbering isn't your average profession, it's a bit like the sober verion of the show Cheers. It's a place you can go, where everybody knows your name. It's a community meeting place, it's extended family really. It's much, much more than just a job. I've been doing it most all of my adult life, and I'm really good at it, and I love it. But, there are certain things I just can't accpet, and how I was treated is one of them.
Well, I just listened to the message, and after some tears, and now dealing with a knot in my stomache, I realized I truly did the right thing. No regrets. She blamed me for how she treated me, that she wasn't rude and that she has a busy life and can't worry about how she talks to me. I'm glad to know she has a busy life, that's great, it's going to be a lot busier now without someone to run her business for her. She said she was sorry it ended this way because "we had a really great thing together". No, she had a really great thing, I had a barely manageable thing. I really hope I learn my lesson from this one. I need to try to pick better people to work with, if possible. Beggars can't be choosers, but sheesh, I really think I put up with too much sometimes, especially in this situation.
I was really mad yesterday, now I'm terribly sad. I don't know how I expected her to handle this situation. I know she's probably shocked, and obviously on the defensive. But man, if the camel's back wasn't broke already, it is broke, cut up and burned now. I hate to burn bridges with people. There is only one other person in my life that I've ever completely burned the bridge with. But I think she may just be the second. We'll see, only time will tell. I would love it if years down the road I could pick up the phone, and give her a call as a friend to see what she is doing. But at this stage in the game, I really don't see that as possible.
Sorry to anyone following this. I'm just rambling for therapy. I need to get it out. Don't want to overeat. Must remember my health. Must drink water and attempt some fit mins today. Must try not to get too sad, and above all, MUST not turn back to cigarettes to sooth my nerves.
Everyone who really loves me is happy about this situation. They have seen me go through so much at this job. And I'm happy too, I just think I have to go through the grieving stages while I let it all go. I'm not sure I can really handle working in a Barbershop again. As much as I love it. This is the second dramatic job loss I've had in this business. And it's really emotionally trying. I am still not over the first one, and that's been 8 years. I hope I get over this one much, much sooner. The fact that we were already planning to move and I was already mentally preparing to leave this job makes it a lot better. I just really can't stand the drama of the whole thing. Why can't it just be peaceful? Guess not all things in life can go smooth sailing.
Thanks for reading this. May be blogging again today if things get hairy, seems to be a really healthy way for me to deal with life at the moment. Thank God for Sparkpeople. Love you guys. Hugs.