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Thursday, October 24, 2013

OK, it's started today already. Just got a call from my ex-boss. She hasn't been to work yet, and doesn't know I quit. She was sounding tired, but almost nice. I'm really, really wondering what she is going to do when she finds out I quit. I wonder if she'll call me, or if it's all just water under the bridge. You know, I know that I did the right thing by quitting, because I don't feel bad about it at all. I feel good, really good. I am a little sad to be leaving my clients. But other than that, I'm really, really happy. I want what is best for my boss too, she just needs to take some lessons on how to treat people. Her callous disregard for me, after giving her 4.5 years of very good work, is not acceptable. Yikes, she's calling right now. I really can't bear to hear what she has to say. Man, this is harder than I thought it would be. She left a message and I need to listen to it, but I'm a bit scared. Ending relationships is hard. And we had become quite good friends, it wasn't just a boss/employee situation. Which makes everything about this ten times harder. She was definitely wrong, in this situation, and many others, but it isn't like she is all bad, no one is. And I have to decide how to move forward, without having any regret. Man, I actually think this is my first "break-up". I've never quit a job for any reason other than moving, or getting a better one. This is a sad day. And I know my clients are going to be really upset to see me leave with no notice like that. Oh well, it is what it is, I have a feeling I'm going through some emotional turmoil over this for awhile. Barbering isn't your average profession, it's a bit like the sober verion of the show Cheers. It's a place you can go, where everybody knows your name. It's a community meeting place, it's extended family really. It's much, much more than just a job. I've been doing it most all of my adult life, and I'm really good at it, and I love it. But, there are certain things I just can't accpet, and how I was treated is one of them.

Well, I just listened to the message, and after some tears, and now dealing with a knot in my stomache, I realized I truly did the right thing. No regrets. She blamed me for how she treated me, that she wasn't rude and that she has a busy life and can't worry about how she talks to me. I'm glad to know she has a busy life, that's great, it's going to be a lot busier now without someone to run her business for her. She said she was sorry it ended this way because "we had a really great thing together". No, she had a really great thing, I had a barely manageable thing. I really hope I learn my lesson from this one. I need to try to pick better people to work with, if possible. Beggars can't be choosers, but sheesh, I really think I put up with too much sometimes, especially in this situation.

I was really mad yesterday, now I'm terribly sad. I don't know how I expected her to handle this situation. I know she's probably shocked, and obviously on the defensive. But man, if the camel's back wasn't broke already, it is broke, cut up and burned now. I hate to burn bridges with people. There is only one other person in my life that I've ever completely burned the bridge with. But I think she may just be the second. We'll see, only time will tell. I would love it if years down the road I could pick up the phone, and give her a call as a friend to see what she is doing. But at this stage in the game, I really don't see that as possible.

Sorry to anyone following this. I'm just rambling for therapy. I need to get it out. Don't want to overeat. Must remember my health. Must drink water and attempt some fit mins today. Must try not to get too sad, and above all, MUST not turn back to cigarettes to sooth my nerves.

Everyone who really loves me is happy about this situation. They have seen me go through so much at this job. And I'm happy too, I just think I have to go through the grieving stages while I let it all go. I'm not sure I can really handle working in a Barbershop again. As much as I love it. This is the second dramatic job loss I've had in this business. And it's really emotionally trying. I am still not over the first one, and that's been 8 years. I hope I get over this one much, much sooner. The fact that we were already planning to move and I was already mentally preparing to leave this job makes it a lot better. I just really can't stand the drama of the whole thing. Why can't it just be peaceful? Guess not all things in life can go smooth sailing.

Thanks for reading this. May be blogging again today if things get hairy, seems to be a really healthy way for me to deal with life at the moment. Thank God for Sparkpeople. Love you guys. Hugs.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry that you're going through a rough time. It's not easy being a sensitive person. Not everyone can understand. emoticon emoticon
    1603 days ago
    you wouldn't have made the decision you did without a long history of turmoil at that job. i am sending you big time love!
    1603 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Totally understandable that you're grieving the loss.

    You did what it was you needed to do for your own peace of mind and self-preservation and you will find something that is a better fit for you.

    Positive attracts positive. I'm rooting for you!
    1604 days ago
    Letting go can be a grieving. Something is no longer alive. AND that is okay. One thing I can say these days in dealing with having to make a departure to keep my grace, wits and sound being is the following:

    "Keep It Simple"

    She will loose employees if she handles her affairs this way.
    This has nothing to do with you.
    You wish her well.
    You want to work in an environment where you are appreciated.
    She is doing the best she can and, honey, you are ready for something more.
    You are a good person.

    Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. You are still human even tho you have the courage to make a super-human choice. Sometimes making the right choices in life feels so tough because we feel like we do not deserve to put ourselves first. Well, WE DO!! That super-human choice you made came from something greater than you. We need to listen to those Angel voices who come to us in a moment or in the hour of need.

    It is time!, Darling, to move on. emoticon
    Good work! emoticon

    1604 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/25/2013 12:35:23 PM
    You're a good writer. Had me on the edge of my seat.. lol

    Keep on being true to yourself.
    1604 days ago
  • JSPIN74
    I hope you start to feel better about it all soon...just may take a little time & talking I'm sure...

    It's very upsetting because you wouldn't want to treat anyone that way...and you wanted to think more of her (you thought she'll have some change of heart or some small amends to offer at least)...instead it went this way....

    You can't control it you've definitely done the right thing. You'll feel much better soon I'm sure.

    emoticon emoticon
    1605 days ago
    Sounds like you did the right thing.
    Still not over a job loss of 8 years ago? Man, you should listen to some dharma talks for free over at
    All of those old emotions are useless to go through again and again. Let go and let go some more. Life is too short to live in the past or worrying about what someone else thinks of you, doll.
    Now get out there and be emoticon SUPER HAPPY!
    1605 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/24/2013 4:06:31 PM
    Get it out, you're all the better for it. Glad we can be here to listen!
    1605 days ago
  • KIMPY225
    Sorry you are feeling upset - but it is a natural feeling. I am glad you made the right choice. That is great your family is supporting your decision! Even though you are friends with your ex-boss, you should be respected as a worker also!

    emoticon emoticon
    1605 days ago
    I'm glad blogging helped you. It really does sound like you have done what is right for you. Congrats!
    1605 days ago
    I hope that blogging out all your thoughts and feelings helps you deal with quitting your job.

    Good luck !
    1605 days ago
    Sometimes typing it out helps. I have blogged novels about situations in my life. So glad to have a site like this that you can do that.

    Chin up it will get better in time, a weight lifted off your shoulders is a great feeling.

    1605 days ago
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