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    GOOSIEMOON   170,733
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Resigned...

Thursday, October 24, 2013

I just need to share that my mom, who is almost 70 years old, is emotionally a child. While I feel sorry for her (she also appears to be bipolar, depressed and generally miserable), I have to take care of myself first. Truthfully, she has never been kind to me, and yet somehow expects me to hang around her. This does not work for me, especially since I am trying to manage my life without overeating now. She modeled a bad health example for me (starvation, etc.) and still wants to "share diet tips" (ugh - makes me shudder)

Frankly, I avoid her and am not proud of this, but the more I hang around her, the more criticism of me and my kids (and everything) she spews. She is not really capable of optimism or being positive. In fact, when I show these traits, mom tells my sister that I'm "being fake". Pretty sick, huh?

Thanks for letting me share. This is the largest challenge of my life...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 10/29/2013 7:12PM

    It's a hard fact but just because someone is family doesn't mean we should spend time with them. I love my Mom dearly but I don't spend a lot of time with her because we don't see things the same way. So believe me I understand. what you are going through.

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PCOH051610 10/28/2013 10:47AM

    I can relate to a point! My own mother is in bed 22 hours a day because she thinks she deserves it. Problem is this started when my brother and I were in primary school. She also is quick to point out that I'm the one with depression (true - but I'm dealing with it) while she is perfectly normal.

I asked my husband over the weekend why I spent time with her when she seems to do her best to belittle me. She was always telling me as a child and teenager that I would make a horrible mother which I think is why (deep down) we never had children.

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IMAVISION 10/25/2013 9:45PM

    Just because someone is a family member (even a parent), we are under no obligation to share the minutes of our lives with negative people, who only serve to put a dark shadow over our lives. You owe it to yourself & your children to protect yourself & them from such personalities.

I had to break contact with two gals, both brought such negativity into my life, that I began to feel emotionally & physically drained from times spent in their company. Maybe I should have introduced them to each other & see how that worked for them. Thankfully they are not family members.

God bless you & your children!

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PATTYKLAVER 10/25/2013 9:28AM

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You need to protect yourself and keep yourself healthy. You can't feel guilty for that.

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 10/24/2013 11:04PM

    emoticon

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 10/24/2013 9:26PM

    Your mom sounds a lot like mine. It's very hard to deal w/that type of attitude!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 10/24/2013 5:56PM

    emoticon

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SOAPSTRESS1 10/24/2013 5:36PM

    Unfortunately we don't pick our parents. I can tell this has been a hard decision for you. Yes you have to come first and as we get older a lot of elderly do act like children. Just wanted to offer you support.

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BARCLE 10/24/2013 2:25PM

    emoticon

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JAMARIGOLD 10/24/2013 12:42PM

    Thank you for sharing and for your courage, too. I believe the mere fact of being related by blood does not make a family (both our kids are adopted). Its the relationship that matters. I think you are so wise to rid your life of toxic relationships. Keep taking good care of yourself--for your sake and your kids, too. emoticon

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KABMPH 10/24/2013 12:35PM

    You are being so strong. Good luck and best in health (all aspects of what makes up "health")! emoticon

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CLEARNIGHTSKY 10/24/2013 11:22AM

    I support you distancing yourself from your mother.

I have a very helpful person in my life who is teaching me to believe that my mother's emotional health is not my responsibility (I still don't fully believe this.)

I was so happy to read your words, "I have to take care of myself first." You are helping me to feel okay to take care of MYself first. It's true that no one else can do it for us, anyway.

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.

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MCJULIEO 10/24/2013 11:21AM

    I am so sorry. I ache for your situation... please take care of yourself...

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1CRAZYDOG 10/24/2013 11:16AM

    " We don't get to pick our families of birth, but at some point I think we are allowed to "build our own family" JUSTYNA . . . this jus absolutely sums it up.

It is not wrong by any meas to put up with being the brunt of condescending remarks and disrespect. I would walk away too. Definitely. I am glad that you siblings are supportive of what you do (or don't do!)

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SLIMMERJESSE 10/24/2013 10:47AM

    I've had a lifetime of this type of mother, plus meanness. It would take a book to describe, but I know exactly what you're saying here.

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FUNLOVEN 10/24/2013 10:15AM

    I totally relate! I took my father for his flu shot the other day and then he wanted to stop for coffee and a donut at Panera Bread afterwards ( I only had a Skinny Latte ). In a matter of 30 minutes he had spewed out 3 complaints/negative comments. One about a tissue on the ground, one about a half smoked cigarette butt someone was trying to say, and one about a lady's hairstyle. When I got home I told my DH "And you want to know why I am the way I am sometimes!". My life growing up with filled with these negative comments ( usually about me ). It is no wonder we grow up with low self-esteem and the feeling of needing to do everything perfectly for fear of criticism and always saying "sorry" even when it isn't anything we did wrong or had control over.

This really got me riled! Thanks for letting me spew with you emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 10/24/2013 10:09AM

    Be brave and fierce. Rawr! emoticon

It took my YEARS to back away from my father. My kids are smart. I always gave them opportunities to spend with their grandparents on both sides and tried not to make comments against my parents. My kids saw through it all and they don't have a relationship with my parents. Me on the other hand, felt as the oldest I needed to be the good daughter. After my wedding my father and I were not on speaking terms. Long story but I realized, like you, that I had to start looking after my own health and family. Slowly I got drawn back into my parents' world after my mother got ill. Last summer things just snapped. For the first time my siblings stepped in and told me it was OK to walk away. I don't think they had ever really "seen" how he treats me until then but when he was bragging about things he had done or said to put my in my place, they revolted. They told me I did not have to be the eldest daughter. My father is abusive and does not treat me like anyone else in the world treats me. He also believes he has the right to abuse me. We don't get to pick our families of birth, but at some point I think we are allowed to "build our own family". I have some dear friends and my siblings and in-laws who are wonderful. I hope you find the courage to keep your distance and build a happy life. You deserve it.

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