Thursday, October 24, 2013
I went shopping with my husband tonight to get him some new clothes because we are awful about parting with our money for clothing... oh, and because he's down a pants size. Which, I'm super psyched about for him (and for myself because I get to admire that sexy bod) and simultaneously a tad put off that I'm not making the same progress. Yes, some of my clothes are a little looser - until I put them in the dryer - but I'm not yet down a whole size. But, I'm not going to be a party pooper. Especially when he encouraged me to look for a pair of slacks or something else cute to get for myself.
Enter the problem.
I couldn't find a SINGLE thing that was both a.) a good fit & b.) cute. Now, I could editorialize about the awful fads that are out there right now...for realz I do NOT want a penguin sweater that looks like I would have been forced to wear in 3rd grade...but I'll leave that discussion for another time. What really struck me was how much I wanted to EAT after paying for our purchase. Boy, if that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is. And how completely irrational is that?! I just kept telling myself that and let my husband drive so that I didn't accidentally pull into the Mexican restaurant across the street to drown my sorrows in nachos!
I made a point to eat within my calories tonight and even go for an extra walk - but it was tough. I wanted the most gooey, fat-laden, greasy, crispy, comforting things your tastebuds can dream of! I wanted to not care that I couldn't wear the cutest things I saw. And in retrospect, it seems vapid and vain and I suppose I can give thanks for the one single shred of dignity I maintained long enough to not go off the rails. It's not really about the food or the clothes or looking cute. It's about seeing myself as worthy enough to take care of. I think sometimes, if that's ALL we can do that day, it's really an accomplishment.