This is a flounder. It should be my namesake right now. This is SO hard for me to admit here and probably why Iíve been ďhidingĒ. Iíve been talking the talk but not walking the walk. Iím not exercising, I have slipped into old eating habits, and Iím buying into all my excuses. I feel that in admitting this I may be letting many of you down. Iím sorry but Iíve hit the wall of depression. That is not an excuse, just a fact. Iím depressed, Iím sore (weather change reminds me of ALL my broken bones), and Iím having a hard time feeling very good about myself.
I know what to do. I know how to do it. There is even a good sized part of me that WANTS to do it. So why am I giving up on myself? And if Iím such a fracking inspiration Ė why the frell canít I inspire myself? (Did enough of my inner Southsider geek come out in that sentence?!?!)
So do I go through my excuses and blast them out of the water? Seems like a waste of precious time. But, since wasting time seems to be a specialty of mine right now weíll hit a few biggies.
1) Itís cold! - Hey dumb a$$ you live in Chicago. Duh, itís cold and itís going to get colder. You know this and it is not a shock. Put on some warmer clothes.
2) My body hurts from the cold! Ė Yeah, it does. You feel every broken bone and are reminded of why you left the army. So what! The pain is less when you move it so get up off your ever-widening rump roast!
3) Itís dark out! Ė You own how many flashlights, headlamps, and LED clips? Get over it. You werenít afraid of the dark at 6, besides you are probably the scariest thing out there anyhow!
4) David laughs at me when I do a DVD/Video! - So get strong enough to punch him in the arm where he stops.
5) I donít have time! - You are caught up on Farscape, Walking Dead, Coven, Mentalist, Elementary, and Dr. Who. You watch at least 3 horror movies a week. Time is not the real issue here.
6) Iím hungry! Ė No youíre bored. See 1 thru 5 for things to do.
7) I miss my ____(fill in trigger food here)! - You want to eat the muffin or look like the muffin?
Ok, so I think that makes my point. I know better than all my excuses and I just have to DO IT.
Easier said than done!
I need to get back to what I was doing when I was successful. That means blogging Ė every day
for accountability. Filling out my time/tracking sheets ALL day and no TV until Iím complete for the day. Closing the kitchen at 8 pm. Throwing out all trigger foods (or force feeding them to hubby if he brings more home).
Itís time for some TOUGH love on Kitty. All this ďyou can do itĒ, ďI love meĒ, ďit will be okĒ CRAP is getting thrown out TODAY. I know I canít ask anyone here to make me accountable, I have to do it myself. I need to earn back my self-respect. That starts now.