Tuesday, October 22, 2013
I'm kind of "over" the high of fantasizing what I'm going to look like when I reach goal.
I'm really starting to get with the reality that I will be 41 when I get to goal, not 21. I am starting to get wrinkles around my mouth (not attractive). My eyes are already a bit wrinkly.
I guess I'm a little down about how the effects of the aging process on my looks will reduce HOW MUCH I WILL BE LOVED. When I am thinking within this paradigm, I get glum. I know, I know, how's that paradigm workin' for ya? Answer: It's not.
I have associated thinness with lovability since middle school. I know intellectually that we are all sparks of divine inspiration and therefore intrinsically valuable and lovable, but I do not love myself or others--not really. I have lots of emotional issues. Working on them.
I'm guessing that here's the issue:
(a) Doing stuff (achieving, performing, getting a fit & strong body) to GET love
(b) Starting with a foundation that I (& others) ARE ALREADY LOVABLE and that we can have content, fulfilling lives by developing the talents that we have and using them to serve others. "Doing stuff" is for GIVING love, not getting it.
I know intellectually that (b) is reality, but emotionally buying into that reality is another story. I'll get there. I want to get there. I'll keep working on it.
Mullet man agrees that, even though he has the best hair in town, he is lovable in and of himself and therefore wants to serve his fellow man out of a strong sense of self worth. He knows that he would be lovable even without his mullet (but he would still mourn the loss of said mullet.)