Tuesday, October 22, 2013
So as of yesterday I screwed up my back. It feels like straight blah! I feel lazy as heck because I havenít done a single amount of fitness, nothing! I know I have to recover but still think I am 16..lol! I have shifted in my bed in a million and one positions, feels like ants in my pants. So the purpose of this blog is because I am slowly and painfully seeing the truth about the man I am with. Like I have said a million times before I maybe trite but I have to so I can see how stupid I sound and snap out of this stupefied state I am in!
Today I truly didnít think he was going to be helpful at all I of course like a foolish child was hoping he would be. After many moments of complete frustration at how oblivious he was to my pain and struggle, not even a single offer of ďbae do you need something from the kitchen or anything?Ē and a forced trip to the store, I had to drive he has no license, it was topped off with the dumbest argument ever!
He was playing a video game, nothing new of course, he stopped playing and started saying he dislikes the game is slow moving blah blah blah. I then said yes but I actually like playing games like this. I love adventure games. He started rolling his eyes and was annoyed I said now what did I say? He was like I wasnít asking you if you like games like that I was telling you how I donít. I said yes but I think they are fun. He said yea but itís not my thing and once again you are talking off subject like you always do which I canít stand! I said yea and then was cut off by his rude attitude saying, this is the crap I am talking about. I then cut him off and said you know what I was just expressing that I LOVE GAMES LIKE THAT! AND I AM SICK OF YOU THINKING I AM DEBATING YOU BECAUSE I SHARE WHAT I LIKE AND DONíT LIKE! WHY DONíT YOU LEARN WHO THE HECK YOU ARE WITH AND ENJOY WHO YOU ARE WITH! He of course with a crappy & straight face says I donít enjoy you I dislike it! I was so hurt and my heart sank. I sarcastically repeated what he said and I said thatís nice to know, real nice! I hope you know that I am starting to believe the crap you say about me all the names you call me, I am really starting to think you are forcing me to have you leave me. He said good! I put my head down and tears flowed of hurt and anger.
I do not want to hate him or wish horrible things for him at all. I hurt when I think that way. I do think that way and then recant and ask for forgiveness. I believe in karma so I get nervous when I think mean things about him. Itís hard for me to think loving things anymore. I am slowly seeing things for what they are. He is ridiculous. To treat me that way and then act like he never said something hurtful and tries to later be talkative towards me or cute. So what the hell does he expect me to be amazing with him or even speak? How when I get treated like my opinion or facts about me are annoying. I have nothing to say half the time out of fear. I fear to defend myself and have a yelling match followed by some violent out bursts from him.
I can pretend I donít care but I would only be lying to myself. I really donít want pity either. I just need to let out my anger because if I keep holding it in I harm myself.
IS THAT AND ANGRY FACE NOT SURE BUT YEA THATS WHAT I MEANT!
***update*** he actually had the nerve to ask me for a favor and if I could get him juice...I laughed and said serious..no you can get it yourself...I'm the one hurting here.