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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

So as of yesterday I screwed up my back. It feels like straight blah! I feel lazy as heck because I haven’t done a single amount of fitness, nothing! I know I have to recover but still think I am! I have shifted in my bed in a million and one positions, feels like ants in my pants. So the purpose of this blog is because I am slowly and painfully seeing the truth about the man I am with. Like I have said a million times before I maybe trite but I have to so I can see how stupid I sound and snap out of this stupefied state I am in!
Today I truly didn’t think he was going to be helpful at all I of course like a foolish child was hoping he would be. After many moments of complete frustration at how oblivious he was to my pain and struggle, not even a single offer of “bae do you need something from the kitchen or anything?” and a forced trip to the store, I had to drive he has no license, it was topped off with the dumbest argument ever!

He was playing a video game, nothing new of course, he stopped playing and started saying he dislikes the game is slow moving blah blah blah. I then said yes but I actually like playing games like this. I love adventure games. He started rolling his eyes and was annoyed I said now what did I say? He was like I wasn’t asking you if you like games like that I was telling you how I don’t. I said yes but I think they are fun. He said yea but it’s not my thing and once again you are talking off subject like you always do which I can’t stand! I said yea and then was cut off by his rude attitude saying, this is the crap I am talking about. I then cut him off and said you know what I was just expressing that I LOVE GAMES LIKE THAT! AND I AM SICK OF YOU THINKING I AM DEBATING YOU BECAUSE I SHARE WHAT I LIKE AND DON’T LIKE! WHY DON’T YOU LEARN WHO THE HECK YOU ARE WITH AND ENJOY WHO YOU ARE WITH! He of course with a crappy & straight face says I don’t enjoy you I dislike it! I was so hurt and my heart sank. I sarcastically repeated what he said and I said that’s nice to know, real nice! I hope you know that I am starting to believe the crap you say about me all the names you call me, I am really starting to think you are forcing me to have you leave me. He said good! I put my head down and tears flowed of hurt and anger.

I do not want to hate him or wish horrible things for him at all. I hurt when I think that way. I do think that way and then recant and ask for forgiveness. I believe in karma so I get nervous when I think mean things about him. It’s hard for me to think loving things anymore. I am slowly seeing things for what they are. He is ridiculous. To treat me that way and then act like he never said something hurtful and tries to later be talkative towards me or cute. So what the hell does he expect me to be amazing with him or even speak? How when I get treated like my opinion or facts about me are annoying. I have nothing to say half the time out of fear. I fear to defend myself and have a yelling match followed by some violent out bursts from him.

I can pretend I don’t care but I would only be lying to myself. I really don’t want pity either. I just need to let out my anger because if I keep holding it in I harm myself.


Ginger emoticon

***update*** he actually had the nerve to ask me for a favor and if I could get him juice...I laughed and said you can get it yourself...I'm the one hurting here.

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  • A_SIZE6
    I am going to share a personal story with you. Two different scenarios. I think this will really help you. There were two ladies I knew who were in abusive relationships. One of them was a friend of mine. She was a single mom of 5 kids and dated abusive men who mistreated her and were horrible to her. I asked her one time I said Alicia why don't you leave him? She said f I leave him I will not be alive to see my kids grown up and be there in their life. On June 1,2007 I was watching the news and the breaking story was that my friend went to Beaver Lake and went missing. It would be 4 years later that I learned what happened to her. She was brutally murdered by the man who abused her.

    The second story was about a woman who grew up with abuse all her life since she was small. her dad neglected and abused her, her aunts, uncles were abusive to her, Her father's mom tried to kill her. because abuse was all she knew even though she didn't want too she married an abuser but when she got pregnant with her daughter she realized her husband was worse she said that's it. She led for divorce left her husband she felt she was better off single then to allow her daughter to be hurt or herself. She didn't give I a second thought. 10 years later she is still here, her daughter is thriving very well and excelling in school. The lady is working from home, blessed with friends who care about and love her. Blessed with a nice guy friend in my life who encourages, pray, supports and cares about her. He's like her best friend and brother in single hood with her. they are growing very close the 2nd lady who choose to leave was ME!!

    the first lady who chose to stay was my best gal pal Alicia who died at 29.
    1553 days ago
    You know Ginger, while I was in the shower I was thinking about you and this nasty, heartbreaking situation that keeps spitting in your face. I have noticed a change in you since I read the first blog I caught called ABUSED. You are a smart and wonderful woman and getting better everyday. I know you love him hon. I know you want him to change, but what occured to me, and this is what made the difference for me with my husband, is that with your change in mind and attitude he should also. If he is still being a creep even with you becoming quiet and having a different attitude and all, he may never change. See sweetheart, when I started allowing God to change me, and I started being quieter and more supportive, my husband's attitude started changing also. But that is because of God, not me. You have wrote many times that you have supported him, have been quiet, have been humble, have nourshered him and all this just being his girlfriend. If his attitude doesn't start changing Ginger, he just may drive you to the ground, and you can't have that. Let me share with you what my daughter had gone through. She met a man at the age of 17 while working at Wendy's. The minute I saw him I knew in my spirit he was bad news. Against me and her dad she left with him anyway. After about four months she became pregnant. It got to a point that they didn't have a place to live. He is a moocher anyway, won't work, lives with who ever will take him in. Anyway, for our daughter and our grandchild who was on the way we let them both move in. Me and my husband would sit in the livingroom and hear that man degrade our daughter and her begging him to do her right. She had gotten a job at a supermarket and was working while pregnant. He was complaining at her about the money, her being gone, working and then having the gull to say that he was the one supporting her and me and her dad. All he was doing was finding scrap metal and cashing it in. Definitely not enough to support a household of people. My husband draws disability and we was having to support dum-dum. That was my nickname for him. Anyway time finally came and our baby was born and he didn't even stay with her. I was with my baby from the minute she went into labor to the day they came home. That creep continued to degrade my daughter. He would argue with her and the baby be in the room with them. Eventually my daughter had to quit the supermarket and he degraded her about that saying that the money he earned should be spent the way he wanted not toward helping out with the baby. On top of our expenses most of the time I bought my granddaughter's diapers because any money he made was spent on his weed. Eventually they moved to an apartment and that is when it got worse. He started physically abusing her. Oh, don't get me wrong, my daughter is mean and can fight, good!!! But she was trying to be the better person for him. It never made a difference. He never changed. They were together around three years and finally she said enough was enough and permently put him out. The apartment was in her name and his name was not on it. She tried to leave him a few times before but he would throw a guilt trip on her that caused her to take him back. It took her really being sick of being mentally and physically abused to make the split final. She now has a Christian boyfriend whom me and my husband loves and trust and our granddaughter calls him daddy. He treats her like she is his own and they are getting married next year if all goes well. I know that you want better Ginger and you do deserve better. For you and your little sweetheart. Find a man who she would trust to call daddy and who you would trust to call darling, baby, lover, honey, and all the other pet names. I wish the best for you sweetheart. I love you and I care. You are my bestie and my heart goes out to you. Love in Christ, Amy
    1553 days ago
  • PBROWN5110
    A great book you may want to read is "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. You can probably get it from the library. In it, he explains that this crap doesn't "just happen." It is part of a strategy to get control. Don't let him get control! You are worth so much more than this! emoticon
    1553 days ago
    Men! Can't live with them, can't bury them far enough away. If he was sick and needed some support it would be another story entirely. It's up to you how you deal with relationship issues. But you need to ask yourself if the good times outweigh the bad times or not. Is he bringing you down enough to sabotage your own goals? I know it's not easy to leave someone you love, but you have to ask yourself if they really love you? Or do they just love that you are there?
    1553 days ago
  • GINGERRA1980
    it is really hard to understand when you are from the outside looking in.... I look at it and say wth am I doing this is nuts! it is beyond stupid....but it goes way deeper than that. as far as the losing weight of course it is the worst thing to have stress and lack of support. stress itself makes you gain weight lack of sleep etc. I know my problem is not loving me first. and I am insecure...and again its a deeper issue. but I recognize it and truly want to change myself. if it was so easy as most think I am sure many of us woman who have this issue would not be writing these blogs. emoticon
    1553 days ago
    i read blogs here from women upset with their men and saying that this is the way their men always treat them. I wonder if that isn't part of the reason they are having trouble losing weight. i don't understand staying with someone who treats you like dirt, and then tries to make it your problem. just saying.
    1553 days ago
  • GINGERRA1980
    1553 days ago
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