Monday, October 21, 2013
My only medications is for hypothyroid..no other meds...My panic attacks terrify me at times...the odd thing is I can go a whole month without ONE, then BAM, I'm hit with three, four or more in one day. I can't pinpoint a thought that might trigger it...but I can feel them coming on...it seems the longer I get them, the worse they become. I almost passed out twice tonight and luckily my husband was here to comfort me till it passed.
I just don't want to go back on an anti-depressant med again...trying to do without any prescriptions but I think I may have no choice.
These feelings of fear of whatever...and for me it's not a "thing" I'm afraid of as for many people...it can happen while watching tv, doing dishes, or lying in bed even...they just come out of nowhere and for no reason..it's not like I have a fear of elevators, or spiders or ONE particular thing..so what the heck is going on?
All I know is when they happen and some are stronger than others, I feel as if I will die. I HATE my stupid body...why can't I be NORMAL and LOOK normal like almost every single person I know. I've always been the black sheep of the family and here I am, older now and the black sheep of society I think...no pity..not what I am looking for...just writing my thoughts for future reference and I'm hoping one day I can look back on this crazy blog and say " I'm feeling more like an average normal woman now", but I kind of doubt that will happen. I AM a minority and I know it!!!!!! if anyone should read this, please don't yell at me..I don't want to hear it, sorry, just feel bad enough about who I am...yes I know, I know...change it...it doesn't work that easy for black sheep!