This weekend we went out of town for dd#3's softball tournament. I planned everything so I could relax and enjoy the start of my vacation and not worry about house/work/animals, etc. What I LOVE most about softball games is that you are totally in 'the moment'. No replays, commercials, just live ACTION.
So I'm enjoying the beautiful October fall day in Northern Cali - sunny
abt 78* My cell rings.....Hmmmm Dad's asst'd living. The little voice in my head said 'Let it go to voicemail!' But I didn't listen and picked up. Was med tech saying in an annoyed tone that my dad was ranting about wanting to go to the dentist and what was I going to do about it????! Are you not speaking to him??? Or was this more of his ranting dementia?
Pushed ALL my buttons!!!
Since I found out 2 wks ago that my big bro and dad secretly made a new will with him as executor (replacing me, but didn't tell me), my head popped off and I declared to my big bro that he now has the responsibility to handle all the daily details for my dad.
I;ve been relieved and recovering my own stability, peace and stress relief.
After being point person on all that stuff for 25 years, I definitely need a break!
Anyway, that call, the tone and the words used triggered all my guilt reactions. I said of course it wasn't true that my dad & I were not speaking (Don't know where THAT idea came from-- either my dad or big bro?), said yes, my dad did talk about wanting to go to the dentist and that I thought my big bro was handling it. That I was out of town Sat, but would definitely come right over Sunday. It was all I could do not to drop everything and race back home (2 hr drive) on Saturday afternoon & start looking for a dentist (as the 'old-300 lb-insecure and guilt-ridden' me would have done).
Stress & guilt levels sky-rocketed
Unfortunately, I left my 'happy pills' at home thinking I would be blissfully enjoying games. Ended up over eating, getting a tummy ache, couldn't sleep and when I did drop off for a bit, had BAD dreams about arguing with my dad & big bro in some kind of court room setting.
(As he so LOVES to tell people, he's a 'retired Superior Court judge', so you can imagine my pitiful debating skills vs. his
. Yes, it was a TOTAL beat down!)
Woke up with a killer head ache
, was distracted thru Sunday's playoff game (dd#3 played well, but still lost :(
Still felt the pull me/push u guilt hook/prod that I 'should' swoop in and save the day for my dad
Luckily the 2+ hr drive home gave me room to reflect and remember that both he and my big bro DELIBERATELY were sneaky, secretive, using and manipulating me and have been for 25+ years.
Got home, ate too much comfort foods (baked onion rings & sweet potato fries- I RARELY eat that stuff!!!). Talking to dh helped me get my head straighter. Watched 'Pacific Rim' - totally immersed in the B movie Action. It was GREAT!
And as I hear the guys working on my new floors, I'm happily typing away all that dreck and stress.
That with some loooonnnng awaited painting projects will help restore me. Vacation! Ahhhhh.
THANKS Sparkfriends for your shoulders!!!