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    BLEEDINGROSES   22,631
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Still hurting

Sunday, October 20, 2013

I think yesterday I tried to pretend I was all better and I'm fine, after all it's been nearly 4 years without Dad. But as I sit here this morning with my heart aching, trying to get myself together to get these two assignments done, my heart is HURTING. It just is. I feel the ache in my chest and I'm sad. Losing him was so sudden. He had been sick, pretty alcoholic the last five years of his life, and I think I knew it was coming, but the shock of the suicide just... it's just still so difficult to reconcile. And it hurts so much.

My eyes have been doing this thing lately where they'll get watery. It's a different sensation than is accompanied with the sort of scrunched up face I get when I start to cry. They just get misty all on their own, like the face is disconnected from the eyes. I kind of like that. Weird.
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HILDABRAND 10/22/2013 1:05PM

    I know it is hard. My father died about 4 years ago as well. When you feel like everything should be ok, ask yourself what you would say to a friend who found herself in the same situation as you. I think suicide is the hardest way to lose someone because we so want to understand why but the only person who has that answer is gone. Give yourself a hug often, ask for help, and let yourself grieve.

Congratulations on your graduation! Celebrate everything that you can find.

Praying for you and hugging you in my heart.
Iris

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