Sunday, October 20, 2013
Reflect on your personal blessings of which every man has many; not on the past misfortunes , of which all men have some." Charles Dickens
I really need to listen and follow this quote . You see my past is coming back to haunt me.
Thirty years ago I was dating a super guy. One night I met his brother at a bar parking lot. He promised to take me to his brother's house as a surprise to his brother. The surprise was on me because he put something in my drink and then raped me. His brother saw us leaving and wanted nothing to do with me.
He was another story and said he would never let me go.
A couple months later he tried to kill his pregnant ex-wife and her new boyfriend. He wrote me from prison often. I never answered that didn't stop him.
Three years later he killed his new girlfriend and her 10year old son and tried to kill her new boyfriend. They would be alive if I turned him in.
It took me decades to get over this. I locked all doors and windows and had to sleep with the closet door open, that is where he hid waiting for them to come home. It made no difference that he was behind bars, I lived in fear.
I found out later that his ex-wife worked at the same place I did. I see her there once in a while and even say hi. I don't know if she knows , I don't care, it was not her fault.
Three days ago on a walk around the block . I saw her car . She lives one street away from me. They have a son together , when he gets out of prison he may come back looking for his son. He said he would never forget me .
So now, Do I live in fear , and stay stuck in the past. No way.
I have learned to run . It is my new mission. I sprint by her house every day. It gives me power. Power to know I can't out run my life or fears . But I can run to a more healthy outcome. I am being pro active.
I continue to think of the many blessings in my life. My daughter and I both have pacemakers and we both can run. My daughter is n college on the way to be a doctor. My son has crohns disease and doesn't work but is a great cook. My husband has been with me these past 24 years with constant love and encouragement . We are a tight loving family.
I continue to strive to be healthy and happy .I live every day positive, and pass out as much love as I can. The past is the past . The future holds promise and is endless.