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Self love is hard

Saturday, October 19, 2013

I am trying to figure myself out. I had no clue I was the biggest jig saw puzzle of my life. I also never understood why I self-bash myself all the time. As a kid I was always picked on and then I learned to make fun of myself to cope. I see now that is not the way to go. Because as you get older it becomes a way of dealing with your own failure like calling yourself fat and lazy! Telling yourself you are more than worth it is a hard thing to do when you tend to rely on others opinions. It is garbage to me that I have allowed people to shape myself image of who I am or who I should be. I know it is dumb but I guess I have always wanted approval. Like in high school when you are put in cliques. My title was the funny one, the girl who was friends with all the guys, the intimidating one. Yet I was never that girl! The one everyone wanted and goggled at. Weird part though that I was later told I was thought of but was told that I was too much of a friend or too scary. Many guys had crushes but I was the girl they respected so much they just never went there. It is pretty strange to think. Sometimes I saw it as excuses. But I hope to be that girl in my own eyes one day. I would love to still be respected but just to know I am eye candy would be pretty cool. LOL! Loving what I see in the mirror is my biggest challenge. To be able to not care about others thoughts of me or even the way I think of me, man oh man what a feat!

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    I had always hated myself while growing up. Even as an adult. I just recently started to love myself in like the last year or so by looking at myself through God's eyes. When I had finally realized just how beautiful and loved I was by Him, I started to appreciate His creation in me. On occasion I start to go back to the way I use to think and then God does something to remind me what He thinks. Love you girl, Amy emoticon emoticon
    1608 days ago
    So many of us can look back at things in our growing up days and recall negative feelings about ourselves. I remember how chubby I was, how self-conscious, and then I came from a very poor home and had one pair of shoes to wear to school all year long. I wore the same dresses and it felt like Christmas whenever I was fortunate enough to get hand me downs. All of this time, I was very fortunate to come from a God loving family. We went to church 3 times a week and once when it snowed so deeply dad rigged up something with his tractor and we rode on it. Ha!

    With God's help I have learned that he made each of us special and loves each the same (very, very much). I let this factor turn me around from the negatives and reach out to others who are feeling in the negative. I cannot stand to see someone down, or someone alone. Once, when I was in college, I saw this young lady sitting all alone, so I went over to her and we began to talk. I found out she was kin to Dolly Parton; the singer and the one who now owns Dollywood in Pigeon Forge TN. I thought that was super cool.

    I hope you realize that you too are loved and you do not need to think you are second class. When you feel the negatives try to reflect on something positive.
    One thing I see wonderful about you is that you care for the members on our team and that you are a really good coach who makes up wonderful challenges. I am sure there are many more wonderful things about you; as I look forward to becoming better acquainted on our team. emoticon
    1609 days ago
    Wow! Sounds like you are on your way to figuring it all out. Self love is the hardest of all. We all go through this and high school, sad to say, shapes a lot of our thinking for many years to come. You are not the only one who went through this. I think it is way more common than you know. Good luck
    1609 days ago
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