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    VPOPPY01   19,845
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Gutted

Saturday, October 19, 2013

I have never felt more gutted emotionally or physically than I do right now. I'm not one to be a debbie downer, but I have never felt so alone than I do right now and I have never been in more need of good friends than right now. If you have read my blogs in the past and/or feel like giving me a shoulder to lean on, read on.

"Sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger"

So y'all know I was in some sort of pseudo-relationship for about the past year, right? We weren't official or anything, but I cared for him very deeply. Well this summer, he called it off....sort of. We were on one of our hikes which was something we like to do during the summer. Well, while on the hike he threw it out there that he thought we should go on a break, but also strongly hinted that we could get back together later. So I kept my hopes up, even though I was initially hurt, and throughout the summer we stayed in touch, and he would flirt massively with me, so I kept my hopes up that things would turn around and that we might form a real grown-up relationship for once. Well around July I was offered a real teaching job in Albert Lea, MN (YAY!) and in August I moved down there (double YAY!), well one night while I was sleeping, he called me up around 3am and decided to tell me that not only was the flirting "all in my head" according to him, but that he was now seeing someone else.

Fast forward to a week ago. We had still been hanging out, usually after I would go see my psychologist for my Binge-eating disorder (more on that later). But exactly a week ago my best friend comes down to visit me and immediately I can tell something is up. She wasn't going to tell me but I forced it out of her. Not only is he seeing someone else, but that person happens to be someone who I used to consider a good friend and coworker. All this past week I couldn't focus, I was irritable at work, tired, and was always consumed with just how betrayed I felt. So I called him up when I was on my way back home to visit my family and demanded a few items back. We agreed he would come on Thursday night to drop them off and I had a few words I wanted to say to him before I finally cut him out of my life forever. So Thursday rolls around and it's midnight so I decide to give him a call to determine his whereabouts. He is at a bar. 80 miles away. He tells me (through laughter) that I sound pretty upset and that he's scared to see me face-to-face and that he should just "mail me the stuff instead" Literally everything I am saying just prompts the "ok so I'll just mail you the stuff" followed by laughter as if he thought that my extreme pain was funny. Keep in mind that I am sobbing/yelling at him at this point. Also, it should be noted that my sister ran into a mutual friend at a bar recently and she was making fun of me in front of my own sister, so it's safe to say at this point that they were all making fun of me behind my back. Eventually I just hung up the phone and decided that I wanted to end this once and for all rather than see his face one last time, so I took to facebook and wrote down everything I was going to say and sent it his way. Then I deleted and blocked him in my phone, on facebook, and any other means of communication. I also deleted anyone who was involved in that circle of friends (which was about 80-90 percent of my friends).

A couple of weeks ago I was walking along the lake when I came upon a small family of ducks. There was one duck in particular who had a wounded leg and couldn't walk right. Three other ducks rushed to her side at the first sign of danger (i.e. me walking by), the sight was so moving to me because immediately I realized "I have no one who would do that for me outside of my family." Well here I am, a very badly wounded person. Maybe not physically, but definitely on the inside. Whatever form of support you can give would be ideal.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYHAWKES 10/21/2013 10:38AM

    Thank goodness life revealed what an ugly nature this person really had inside him. Just imagine if you had blindly married this person and had a child and then all this ugliness poured out. I know it hurts so much right now. Often life deals us interrruptions we had not planned for, the only thing you can do is choose to turn that into an opportunity. Now you have a new job, new city and limitless opportunity to find new people and friends in your life.... Personally I am a person of faith, and when life kicks me in the teeth that's where I get my go juice. Put yourself in situations to find new people with similar interests....friends will show up.

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DJ4HEALTH 10/19/2013 11:27PM

    Some people are just plain evil. You are better off without that type of person.

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CYBERCITYSHELL 10/19/2013 8:42PM

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad and that you feel alone. With friends like you've just described, you are so much better off without them. You have your family and spark friends. You have learnt that some people are not worth the trouble that they create.
You are worth so much more than that. Some men are bad news, he is one of them. emoticon
As for friends who steal others boyfriends they are not worth it. There are nice people around who won't treat you like that. That is great that you have blocked him from all the ways he can contact you. Because you so don't need him in your life. And it is far better to be on your own than to get involved with someone that treats you badly. Spend the time while you are healing to keep on working on your health and with people who do treat you right. Unfortunately healing is involved after a relationship break up. But some guys are so not worth shedding a tear for.
You will meet someone nice and he will just be a bad memory. Or he might even be a reason to thank your lucky stars that you didn't get stuck with him.
I hope you feel better soon, and you are not alone and people do care emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THECRAZYMANGO 10/19/2013 8:22PM

    Valerie! You are an incredible person. A few weeks ago, I was on facebook and my boyfriend asked who you were. He thinks you look like a wonderful person and I agree! You are a GREAT person. This treatment is terrible and if I was there, I'd give you a HUGE hug. Please know I am ALWAYS here for you. If you need to get away for a few days, you always have a place to stay in La Crosse. We could catch up on each other, eat chocolate, go to fitness classes together and go out for a few drinks. It'd be a grand time! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 10/19/2013 7:47PM

    What a slimy pile of crap!!! there, does that make you feel better?It makes ME feel better....
This tool of a weenie sounds like a real winner. Not for breaking up,sort of, but for making this whole thing a source of amusement for him and others.
I can give you some very good news though: Paybacks are hell and his is coming. It was bound to happen sooner or later with his type, users,, but he did yo a TREE-MEND-US(sic) favor!!

You are on your way up in life with your career and school. HE is spending his time in bars making himself look like a big man by sharing perosnal things about a "supposed" dear friend. What a skankball..

Basically he helped you in life ..kind of like picking a blood-sucking tick off you before it does any real harm.. You can now turn that page in your life and go on to REAL friends that you WILL make along the way!

Okay, I FEEL MUCH BETTER for venting,, how about you? emoticon emoticon

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MOTTAMAMALOU 10/19/2013 7:17PM

    emoticon
Sweetie, take a deep breath, kick him to the curb and get on with your new life.


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