Friday, October 18, 2013
Everyone comes to SparkPeople for all kinds of needs. Typically, we have part of the pie but other parts were missing. For me, I feel support and encouragement was missing from my life in order to make my journey successful. I joined SparkPeople and BAM! I lost weight with the encouragement and support found on this site. Basically, SparkPeople (you guys and gals) believed in me when I no longer could.
After a bad relationship that tore down my self esteem, I am starting to find myself again. To build ME back up again. My current boyfriend honestly is very supportive. He thinks I am an amazing painter so he encouraged me to start selling my paintings. I never thought someone would want to spend money for my paintings. Time will tell on that front.
Anyhow, I have been running more and have decided I want to run a half marathon in March. This half marathon would mean overcoming alot of past poor memories. The first thing my boyfriend asked was if I could afford it. Now, mind you, I am extremely poor and money is very tight. The half marathon costs $60. In addition to that, he doesn't understand why I would pay that kind of money when I can run 13.1 miles by myself. I tried to explain it's a sense of accomplishment. He used to run cross country in High School and has even dabbled back into after I showed him proper running form.
This is one of the harder things about being in a new relationship. Sometimes you project your past relationships onto new one. Past boyfriends have not wanted me to exercise or to run during a bad day. They even have said running could injury me. Now, I am trying to figure out if he with me or without me. I think he is with me because he encourages me to work out and take my time. Like to not worry about it taking time away from us. It's difficult to sort out this question: Does he support me?
Is he also one of them?
Does he not support me?
Is he really just worried about me not having money because he knows it stresses me out alot?
What does support look like?
For me, I think support looks like going to the race with me. Not running necessarily but going. It also means listening to me. Encouraging me.
And, why do I want to run?
I want to run because...
It's a sense of accomplishment.
I need to prove myself to myself all over again.
I haven't ran still my Grandma's passed.
My Grandma went to my last half marathon I have done.
My worse half marathon experience was the one I am looking to train.
I told a friend I would.
I need a goal to aim for beside weight loss.
I haven't ran a race since I did not run Grandma's Marathon even through I was registered.
You, my friends, have the best advice. So, out with it.. what do you think about this.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
My dear Savanah, first of all, I am sorry it has taken me 3 days to see your blog!
Secondly, you have received excellent advice. IMHO, the main point is that you need to do what YOU are comfortable with. Your BF seems to be supporting that desire of yours to run. AS for the $$$, well, it's been already suggested that you talk with him about it, and that's what I would do too.
It is so hard being human, because previous experiences CAN definitely color how we experience our present. But as suggested, if you look @ things, examine them, maybe you'll be able to "let go" a little of the past, let the lessons learned filter in and allow things to unfold however they're meant to. Obviously we don't have a crystal ball, so any relationship requires faith, but it also requires wisdom. Be true to YOU.
1011 days ago
You have a lot of questions. Do what you want.
1012 days ago
In my book, support does not mean paying the entry fee, attending, or running with you, but not standing in the way of you attaining or reaching for your personal goals. I find that faith, family and friends often trump personal desires, but that there will always be room to accommodate well thought out personal goals. Living healthy is such a goal, but my love (boyfriend or husband) need not "like" my personal goals while they love me.
1014 days ago
1014 days ago
Kanoe has good points. I'll add that $60 is not the most expensive but it is a lot of money. Why not find one less expensive? Having run a bunch of HMs, I gotta tell you: Money and size has nothing to do with the quality of the race - or the memories you'll take away.
There have been a couple races that I stood around at the end realizing there was nothing worth remembering about it. And while races can be fun, there have been some long runs that gave me better feelings than I've gotten from some races. So don't be so quick to dismiss your bf's feelings. In my view, races are foremost about having fun, not about achievement since, as your bf says, you can run 13.1 without a race.
1014 days ago
I totally understand your need to run in that race. As you said you need to have another goal other than losing weight. I think the question is coming from a bigger picture. Your boyfriend sounds like he is supportive of you and of your running. Yet he seems worried about the money. You might want to talk to him about his fears and maybe show him how you can afford to do this.
You are doing a great job of rebuilding your life.
1014 days ago
Ok, you asked so I'm answering:
All relationships mirror our internal ramblings. So, thus, you are looking at yours. Certainly they do what they do. But you interpret through your filters. If you are a bit fearful, what you "see" and "hear" from them is scaring you, as in what you brought up in your blog. This doesn't mean your interpretation of lack of support is unwarranted, it means you are the master of how you experience your BF 1st and foremost.
So, look at your fears and your grief and your feeling of being unsupported. Simply look at them! Don't react. When you are looking and you can gently smile at them, then you know you are healing. It's as simple as that. And aren't we in this for healing? I think so.
Being with someone in a relationship is still being alone at times, especially when we are striking out in a new challenge. This challenge is a major trigger for you. Good! This is a stumbling block for you to LOOK at and simply smile at. Nothing more. Once you do this you will be able to move on whether you do the race or not, whether your BF is supportive of you or not.
If he wasn't supportive of your progress you wouldn't have had the courage to think about doing the race to begin with.
Remember, he has feelings too. He may be afraid of you changing too fast and losing you. This is very common.
1014 days ago
I want to get to a point where I can start running again, but with the number of knee injuries this last year I have had to endure I am worried that even when I do get the weight off I won't be able to run again.
Anyway, I liked your blog's entry today and am reaching out and expanding my network instead of staying close in my little shell
1015 days ago
1015 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
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