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    JILLIANBEAR   27,637
25,000-29,999 SparkPoints

Starting Fresh

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sometimes, I log in to Sparkpeople and I see that I've been a member for years and have about 50 million Spark Points. I think... how did I get here? How have I been doing this for SO LONG and am still back at the point of starting over? It makes my stomach turn. I have never really been able to lose weight and maintain it. I think my body is quite happy at this set point, which is just barely overweight. My mind is not happy with that, and most of my weight is in my midsection which is super unhealthy.

I started the Master Cleanse mostly to aid me in getting rid of withdrawal symptoms from going off my anti-depressant. I was desperate, it has been two months and seemed like it was never going to end. However, I think the weight loss was what kept me going. Not eating for 10 days is really hard, and I hate most of the ingredients in the lemonade. But hey, it TOTALLY worked. This is the last day and I have no more symptoms.

I am nervous about eating food again (even though the taper is strict so that won't happen for a few more days anyway), and depressed about how much I have failed in the past. But I am also excited to get started, to start cooking soups like I have been day dreaming of.

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