I have not been active on Spark in months. I never bargained to be so uncomfortable in my final trimester, and naturally, I have taken some time to heal after having my son. However, I never lost my desire to be healthy. In fact, I probably pushed myself too hard a few times during my pregnancy, but I wouldn't change a thing. I seriously wouldn't change one thing.
When I started sparkpeople, I weighed in at 220. I didn't realize what a huge instant plateau I was going to be on. I started my journey in May of 2012, and by January 16, 2013, I was only down to 213. And that was on a good week. I went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on this 7 pounds for nearly an entire year. I was discouraged many times to the point of personal agony and the notion to throw in the towel and give it all up. It was just too much. All the excitement of working out hours upon hours, eating extremely clean and healthy, stepping on the scale with great anticipation only to see it sit.
Justin and I tried a million different diet ideas. We never tried switching whole diets, but rather modifying from different angles. It was exhausting to try to be innovative all the time, but still I forged on.
When I found out I was expecting a baby, that didn't really change my mindset about eating. I continued to eat healthy and exercise right up until summer. I had some personal issues/setbacks during the summer, along with a growing body in rising temperatures. So, I just quit tracking, I quit worrying, I quit sparking...I just let it go for a while. But, during that time, I never lost my fire inside to be better. In July, I had already started thinking of ways to make it better as soon as I could. I made plans and goals. However, when Clark actually made his debut, I saw just how difficult it was all going to be. I realized that I wasn't going to be up the next day catching up the laundry. I knew that taking care of my little boy was going to absorb most of my time during the first weeks. I became slightly discouraged, but then I realized some things.
First, spending time with my precious baby was far more important than fitting back into a pair of jeans next month. They are only little for a little while. I have enjoyed caring for him beyond all I could ever imagine. Secondly, I am not in any rush. I have to share something that I think is quite wonderful. Maybe it is not in the eyes of the medical field, but to me, I thought it to be a great achievement. As I mentioned before, I was in the 215-220 range for nearly a year. When I first found out I was expecting, I started packing on the weight and quickly. I was aiming to lose around 60 pounds, couldn't lose any, and here I was about ready to pack on another billion during pregnancy. I weighed myself right after I had him. I only gained 25 pounds through my entire pregnancy!!!
To me, this was WONDERFUL!!! I was so afraid I would gain and gain and GAIN AND GAAAAIIIINNNNN during pregnancy, so I felt really good about not gaining so much. But, I figure, so what....if it takes me a pound a week for 80 weeks, then so be it. I don't care anymore about winning any big race against myself.
Here are a few things I keep telling myself. I remained mostly healthy over those 9 months. I did a 5k. I hiked. I stayed working until the day before I gave birth. And I naturally gave birth to a 10 pound baby. These are great things! I'm really not trying to be prideful at all, but rather prove to myself more than anyone that I have plenty of non-scale victories. I refuse to be a slave to that stupid scale anymore.
This week, I sat down with my sparkpeople account, and my babyfit account (spark's sister site), and made a complete menu for the week according to my caloric needs for breastfeeding. I have been eating healthy again because it feels good and right. I have been tracking again to ensure my son is getting what HE needs. I want to do what is right and healthy for my family so that we can enjoy our lives together to the fullest. I refuse to be enslaved by the scale, the measuring tape, those ridiculous jeans in my closet that my postpartum hips will never fit into again, or my own worst enemy: me. My body has done great things for me over the last year and a half. I have every intention of repaying the favor--so, I am happily right back to where I started.