I do good for several days in a row, I keep myself psyched up, I eat well, and I am up and moving around and/or out exercising. I have also been working on eating cleaner and enjoying my little victory in each 'clean' meal that I manage. And then comes a day like today.
Nothing really bad happened, I sat and filled out job applications, and then the anxiety hit. All I could think was 'What am I gonna do?'
This isn't really about my lack of a job though. I was being my usual worry-wart self, thinking about eating and exercising all day and what did I do? I had an ok day with eating...up to dinner.
We had a carb heavy dinner, pulled pork sandwich, potato salad (home made by me), and pasta salad which was also home made, but not by me so I really don't know how much mayo and salt was in it. I ate slow and had water with dinner.
When I was done eating, I wanted a second sandwich...my sister made the pork with a recipe that I had not had before and it was yummy, so I thought that maybe I was just wanting more because it tasted good.
I even went so far as the kitchen and then I checked out the calories on the bun (I knew it would put me off of wanting seconds) 210 calories just for the bun. I decided against it. I ate a couple of green olives, hoping that the change in flavor would satisfy me. They were a new brand that I don't care for, unfortunately.
I went down to my room and thought about blogging, worked on my crocheting, and kept trying to tell myself that I was NOT hungry!
After almost two hours, I gave in and went up and ate another sandwich.
OF COURSE I didn't NEED another couple hundred calories and my stomach let me know it! I was suddenly overfull and here it is 3 hours after that and I am STILL miserable.
Although I have been having some major ups and downs lately, I haven't eaten to the point of being physically uncomfortable in several weeks.
In trying to figure out just what was going through my head while I was giving in...I was stressing, I was google-ing how to make money without a job, I was thinking about not having people here to hang out with, feeling lonely, and just feeling down on myself in general.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and family, but she doesn't want to go walking or biking with me, and my beau is bad enough now that he can't.
Judging by my past experiences, I know that I have a rough patch coming up but I will continuing to fight for me.