Time to come crawling back with my hat in my hands. I have been doing terribly for the last couple weeks. Eating poorly, not exercising, not taking care of my diabetes, not even drinking my water. Bad stuff. And until a couple hours ago I really didn't care. Then dh struck. I was sitting over here shoving food in my face and he looked at me sadly and said "I was so excited to give you the Halloween stickers I bought for you."
For anyone that has no clue what I'm talking about... I have 2 consistency calendars hanging on the back of my door, one for not binging at night and the other for exercising. Dh is in charge of the stickers when I earn one. And so far this month, I haven't earned many. Seeing the sad look on his face made me feel terrible. I know I have to do this for me, but knowing I'm making him upset is pretty good motivation too. I sat over here and thought while I continued eating.
My conclusion? Must. Do. Better. You'd think the absolutely apparent result of not doing well -- feeling crappy -- would motivate me. And it does, in fits and spurts. Today, though, I just didn't care. At all. But seeing the sadness on his face made me realize that not taking care of myself affects him too. He doesn't want a wife that's too unhealthy to do anything but lay around and eat, and he doesn't deserve one, either.
So, my first decision in the right direction was to plan on making homemade veggie soup tomorrow instead of hitting the Chinese buffet again. It's going to be a bit chilly and rainy tomorrow, and basically perfect for a big pot of soup. I love homemade veggie soup, and it's not as though it's going to take much effort to pour stuff in the crockpot and turn it on, and the difference in health benefits will be astounding.
I also gotta get back to exercising! I walked at the park on Sunday morning with The Buddy. We made it 28 minutes, which is about 7 or 8 minutes less than we had been doing, but I was pretty proud of myself for getting out there anyway. The ever-dependable Buddy was there for company and support, and that definitely got me out of bed. Now I gotta get more than 1 workout a week going again. I was doing well and feeling good, then I started getting so strangely exhausted and just sort of... stopped. And I can't seem to get back on track. Must. Do. Better.
And let me say... I apologize that I keep disappearing. It's not just from here. I'm mostly avoiding everyone except dh. I ran out of one of my meds for a while, so there's that, and then my psych keeps reducing my meds overall, and there's that. So I'm struggling. I can't seem to get out of bed, when I finally do I lay around all day and do nothing except eat. I got the med back and I'm hoping to see some improvement in my mood and motivation. Until then, as they say... fake it til you make it.
Hope everyone's week is getting started off well!