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I've made my husband sad. :-(

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Time to come crawling back with my hat in my hands. I have been doing terribly for the last couple weeks. Eating poorly, not exercising, not taking care of my diabetes, not even drinking my water. Bad stuff. And until a couple hours ago I really didn't care. Then dh struck. I was sitting over here shoving food in my face and he looked at me sadly and said "I was so excited to give you the Halloween stickers I bought for you."


For anyone that has no clue what I'm talking about... I have 2 consistency calendars hanging on the back of my door, one for not binging at night and the other for exercising. Dh is in charge of the stickers when I earn one. And so far this month, I haven't earned many. Seeing the sad look on his face made me feel terrible. I know I have to do this for me, but knowing I'm making him upset is pretty good motivation too. I sat over here and thought while I continued eating.

My conclusion? Must. Do. Better. You'd think the absolutely apparent result of not doing well -- feeling crappy -- would motivate me. And it does, in fits and spurts. Today, though, I just didn't care. At all. But seeing the sadness on his face made me realize that not taking care of myself affects him too. He doesn't want a wife that's too unhealthy to do anything but lay around and eat, and he doesn't deserve one, either.

So, my first decision in the right direction was to plan on making homemade veggie soup tomorrow instead of hitting the Chinese buffet again. It's going to be a bit chilly and rainy tomorrow, and basically perfect for a big pot of soup. I love homemade veggie soup, and it's not as though it's going to take much effort to pour stuff in the crockpot and turn it on, and the difference in health benefits will be astounding.

I also gotta get back to exercising! I walked at the park on Sunday morning with The Buddy. We made it 28 minutes, which is about 7 or 8 minutes less than we had been doing, but I was pretty proud of myself for getting out there anyway. The ever-dependable Buddy was there for company and support, and that definitely got me out of bed. Now I gotta get more than 1 workout a week going again. I was doing well and feeling good, then I started getting so strangely exhausted and just sort of... stopped. And I can't seem to get back on track. Must. Do. Better.

And let me say... I apologize that I keep disappearing. It's not just from here. I'm mostly avoiding everyone except dh. I ran out of one of my meds for a while, so there's that, and then my psych keeps reducing my meds overall, and there's that. So I'm struggling. I can't seem to get out of bed, when I finally do I lay around all day and do nothing except eat. I got the med back and I'm hoping to see some improvement in my mood and motivation. Until then, as they say... fake it til you make it.

Hope everyone's week is getting started off well!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love ya when you are suffering and when you are doing well. I'm here for you no matter what else is going on.

    Hope today was fabulous!
    Cause, honestly, rubber duckies are so darn cute!
    1587 days ago
    You're hubbing is trying to help. It's wonderful you have a great partner in this. You can get back on track. I believe in you. emoticon
    1587 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    you are so very blessed to even have DH that will support you. He must have wanted to say so much to you, but merely stated the sticker thing. The pain of watching somebody we love, continue to do the things they need to change, is hard. I am speaking form experience. Kind of like, we have to hit bottom, realize what we can lose in our life if we do not make other things our priority. Food is the way we deal with demons, but loved ones only hang on so long.

    It is also hard for those without weight problems, to even fathom the difficulty of the pull of that food to us.
    I am in total awe of those skinny people, I mean really skinny, who can eat huge amounts of food and drink and never gain an ounce!! It astounds me!!!

    1587 days ago
    I am a firm believer that you CAN do things for other people. My drinking almost cost me my family. You don't think that keeps me sober? Your DH needs you. Don't leave him alone!
    1587 days ago
  • RICKI157
    emoticon make hubby emoticon & get some cool emoticon Stickers!!!!!!
    1587 days ago
    Know exactly how you feel. For me I got real bad last year when I started meds and counseling and all that jazz for a new past demon that popped up, then I got even worse when I stopped taking the meds. Go figure. I'm not taking any meds at all anymore since I don't have $700 laying around every month to pay for them and they made me gain 40 lbs in 8 months no matter what I tried anyway. Guess we both need support. emoticon ! Take care of yourself
    1588 days ago
    Your husband sounds so sweet! I love the idea of the motivational stickers. Maybe I'll try it. There must be something in the air, as I've been doing so poorly with food and exercise lately. I've gained back so much of the weight I've lost and it's super depressing! But I'm still trying. I wish my boyfriend was as supportive as your husband sounds. Not that he's not, but he's a bit of an enabler when I binge, and I kind of wish he would get sad when I wasn't taking care of myself. Yes, I am trying to be healthier for me, but it would be nice if he would show a bit more concern every once in awhile...

    Anyhow, I didn't come here to whine about my life, I came here to try and encourage YOU! So I think that the past little while has made you come to some conclusions that will hopefully motivate you into doing the things that you KNOW, deep down inside, are right for you. The veggie soup sounds yummy, and congrats on getting your walking in. I hope you get out of your rut soon, and get those meds sorted out. Trust me, I understand, and feel for you, and I know that you CAN do this, for both yourself, and your DH! :)

    1588 days ago
    It concerns me that your doctor reduced your meds. By how you described how you've been, you're not ready to reduce them. I've been there, done that, am still doing that. Some meds made me so out of it that I scared my family - I'm not talking about the kind that do that. But we do owe it to ourselves and to those who love us to take care of ourselves. If we try to be the best we can be, we feel so much better. When I fall off the wagon and don't take my meds, I put the weight on like there's no tomorrow. Then I'm tired, bored, unhappy and not much good to anyone. I get mad at myself and start over. I am trying so hard not to get to that point again. I'll make a pledge to you to get more motivated and move more and eat better. If I feel that I am responsible to you, I will do better.

    Give your husband a hug for me. He sounds so great and understanding and like a great motivator. I need a husband like that.
    1588 days ago
  • JO88BAKO
    Thank you for this blog. I was worried about you. I knew things were not going well for you. How nice it is your DH bought you Halloween stickers for your calendars. He really wants to help you help yourself. Awesome. I love veggie soup too, yummy!! We made some when Mike was here. He went home today. I'm glad you are on your meds again. Tomorrow is a new day. A new beginning. One good choice at a time. Your can do it!! Hugs!!
    1588 days ago
    Must. Do. Better. WE can do this.
    1588 days ago
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