Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I've been dealing with a major bout of depression.
I'd like to say 'struggling with,' but really all I've done for the past month is let things slide, make excuses, and let myself be miserable. I settled into it, laid back into it. I had a root canal out of the blue (even my dentist was surprised), I had a lovely cold, I couldn't juggle the Groupon sessions with my work schedule at both jobs, and that was incredibly disappointing...then there's just the fact that I have to work both jobs...I got denied for food stamps, and money has been really stressful in general (especially after the dentist got done with me), and I haven't been using the workouts to deal with that...
Then, this weekend happened.
I had a three-day weekend because of the bank holiday. So, on Saturday bf and I did laundry and went to the pool. I felt flabby and unattractive, but I swam some and did a bit of pool walking. Still, most of my time was spent reclining in the sun. Sunday, same deal but with more swimming--I think the sunlight and fresh air lit a fire under my bum.
Monday, bf and I went to Disney World (we have passes). I demanded that we walk the whole time (the exception was exiting the park, since we were running from rain), didn't feel fatigued after the day was through, and woke up today feeling rested.
Then I took a hard look at what I'd been eating.
And then I took a hard look at the photo of me at Universal Studios--a scenic mock-up of the famous 'Singin' in the Rain' scene where Gene Kelly dances in the rain. My waist is slowly disappearing, and while I've stayed the same weight, well...
Today, I came in right at the high end of my calories. I was thrown by a coffee (long story, don't ask) and my need to avoid waste by eating some restaurant leftovers from yesterday (Smokey Bones...and I was NOT careful).
I'm not beating myself up, because that's not what I need right now.
So, I've developed a strategy.
1) Re-start the 28-day boot camp, and finish it. In 28 days. No excuses, it's 10 minutes.
2) Track everything. Every day. Get back on track with the food, stay within calories.
3) Get back on the 8 glasses, 8 ounces band wagon.
4) Blog. Every day. Right here.
And I'll tell you why it's such a simple strategy: because it's what worked before. I have really let go of some seriously important things, like discipline and self-control and willpower.
I was running 5k. I was lifting 10-12lb. I was sucking down water like it was my job.
And I will again.
Emotionally, I'm just...starting over. Right down to the 'saying no,' the 'track every bite'...everything. EVERYTHING.
At least I know what I'm getting myself in for...at least I know how I work, and (most importantly) how I cheat...and (no wait, this is most important) how I win.
Let's do this thing.