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    -WISPY-   41,653
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An on-site lesson in ego v peace


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Hi guys, well have to tell you first that my acceptance was right out the window this morning for about ten minutes. I lost it completely. Have not been so angry in a very long time.

Last Friday the property developer who is putting in the sub-division behind me said that my boundary fence was over limit by about 35 centimetres and asked if they could move my fence back on to my land. This had been confirmed by his engineer. I already knew so I agreed that they could move and replace it without encroaching on my garden. I wrote them a very specific letter regarding the trees and plants and also to not damage the above ground pipe that carries the mains water to my house. So far so good.

The fence they removed was supposed to be moved and replaced yesterday. It was removed yesterday and I assumed without mishap. Did not even think of going to check it out.

I woke up this morning and the fence had not been replaced and upon investigation the whole length, some 11 metres of fence had been thrown on my garden along with a whole load of broken concrete and the plants and foliage were buried underneath. The next thing I discovered was them digging up the gully to lay the new drain pipes right down the boundary from the cottage to the gate. The shrubs (and I am just hoping not the trees) were uprooted or damaged. I could not believe my eyes. I just lost it and screamed like a banshee at the workmen and then got the property developer on the phone ---- have to tell you my friends, the last thing that occurred to me was to be patient and accepting. O dear me NO! Ego was in full flight.

I came back into the house and felt dreadful on the inside - guess you may know the feeling if you have ever been out of control. I had been so far into my ego nothing else could get through. One of the team of workman even told me to stop yelling at the foreman. He was right beside me.... well embarrassing, humiliating and I was none too accepting then either. HUH!!!

Thankfully a little while later I came back to the peaceful state of non-resistance. I know that is the only way for me to live in peace. Acceptance of 'what is' and then deal with the situation in a calm and productive manner - behaving like a human being rather than a raving banshee, which always comes from the place of resistance to 'what is' .

The good thing to come out of this situation - that I am now feeling grateful for - is that I have learned yet again, hopefully at a deeper level, that no matter what happens there is only one path for me personally - no matter what! I cannot change 'what is' - I can only change how I choose to respond to it.

**************

Just now the project manager arrived and I went out on site again and was able to apologise to the whole crew of workman for my rage. And the foreman and the project manager were both helpful and co-operative. It is not a question of who is right or wrong. So this time I went out in a place of peace and acceptance (by acceptance I do not mean letting people walk all over me). I mean being in the space where I want what is best for everyone not just me. The matter was resolved quite quickly. The foreman has put the posts back in and erected a mesh fence to keep people out and the fence will be replaced by the weekend. The project manager is getting his landscaper to come in and see me tomorrow and replace all the damaged gardens. So simple and we all parted agreeably and happy with the outcome.

Amen to living in the moment, in the deep space inside where there is only peace and freedom from ego.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JOANNE_LEE 10/22/2013 9:41AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this experience. emoticon

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LESLIESENIOR 10/21/2013 3:47PM

    I'm late weighing in on this blog Wispy, but you are quite an amazing example of the principle of acceptance. It is the key to everything in life, but you have really humanized the concept in action. Thank you for your great role modeling.
Leslie

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ERIN1957 10/17/2013 11:44AM

    Good for you and as well the results.
Hopefully this will be attended to correctly.
A learning process of needed control, it is something we all can learn.
I too have had to stop and shut up, release and move forward through situations.
It has been a difficult task even when people are given the good side and still take advantage of us. Some see reason as weakness and in your case they did not. I must say I would probable have done the same, as I do love and see my plants and gardens as very personal, and would have taken great offence as well.
Hope that all works out Wispy!
Hugs,
Erin

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AJDOVER1 10/16/2013 4:34PM

    emoticon Peace to you! I'm glad it was a short-lived episode.
Thanks for telling us about it.

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SHERRY666 10/16/2013 4:30PM

    OH DEAR.......... I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING........I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT SHE FELT WHEN YOU SEEN YOUR GARDEN TREES PLANTS AND THE FENCE JUST THROWN ON TOP OF EVERYTHING........ I'VE LOST MY TEMPER MORE THAN ONCE...... BUT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP IT IN CHECK THESE LAST FEW YEARS..... BUT SEEING THAT MESS WOULD HAVE UPSET ME TOO...... HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO THOUGHTLESS...... I'M JUST SO GLAD IT ALL WORKED OUT IN THE END...... BUT I FEEL YOU JENN..... I DON'T BLAME YOU ONE BIT....... I DO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOSE CONTROL.... BUT HEY WE'RE ONLY HUMAN RIGHT..... I KNOW YOU HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BUILDING GOING ON.. PLUS EVERYTHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR HOME... SO I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND........ DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT... YOU HAVE BEEN SO GRACIOUS WITH ALL OF IT.... YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND DESERVE ONLY THE BEST LIFE HAS TO OFFER. emoticon

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KALIGIRL 10/16/2013 8:39AM

    Oh my, I was afraid as I started to read that I had 'brought it on' by commenting on your last blog...
How's that for ego? emoticon

Seriously, you continue to amaze me and I am so glad you had the opportunity to speak to (as opposed to scream @) the 'destructors'. I way too often follow the second path in my work - "what part of no don't you understand" and am also grateful when I have a chance to apologize.

Here's to going to "the deep space inside where there is only peace and freedom from ego".
Namaste emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/16/2013 8:40:07 AM

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WISLNDR 10/16/2013 5:45AM

    Oh, I totally understand your initial reaction and what happened after the fact; I would have done exactly the same thing. I hope everything can be put back better than it was before!!

Thank you for sharing this as a reminder to all of us!

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CHRISTASP 10/16/2013 3:40AM

    Oh, what a valuable post for me to read. Thank you so much, Wispy.

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TOKIEMOON 10/16/2013 1:22AM

    I'm picturing myself in your situation and I don't know that I wouldn't react with outrage. Especially as you had spelled everything out for the developer. That being said, you are absolutely right that yelling NEVER makes a bad situation better. Kudos for regrouping and going back out to apologize to all of the workers. Glad to hear the bottom line is that your property should be restored to an acceptable version of what is was.
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NOWYOUDIDIT 10/16/2013 12:17AM

    Oh my goodness as you described what you saw I was heartsick with you!
I can not even count how many times things like this have happened to me and there is nothing you can do. Worst feeling ever. :o(

I agree exactly, rage will not help. Because I don't get angry at times like that, my oldest girls tell me I don't stick up for myself, but that isn't true. You can't un-do what's been done. And thinking it over before acting helps. I do often cry in frustration!

Once I saw exactly why reacting positive helps others, a plumber in our house cut through the wrong pipe, flooding 1/2 the basement. I calmly took a mop with him and started cleaning it up, moving things to dry. And then he told me this~ that he ate lunch in his truck behind my van all week, and each day he read my bumper sticker "Have A beautiful day God made it". He figured I was just another "Christian". His mother was a devout Catholic who worried about his faith until the day she died. He cried as he remembered, he missed her terribly. And then he told me "Your actions show you believe. On every job that I've done something wrong like this, the people threw a fit and threatened me. But you didn't say a word and you helped me."
I was truly blessed that he shared that because we never know how we impact others. Often we don't get to hear if it was good or bad. From then on I realized that I was going to do my best to avoid losing my temper with people who may just as well be suffering, and we don't even know.
In fact I was on a team here once where someone asked for help with family and so many responded angrily towards her situation I had to leave.
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MADEIT3 10/15/2013 10:32PM

    I totally understand why you lost your temper - that would be my first reaction also. And that being said, good for you for being able to calm down and work things out rationally. And who knows, you may have some opportunities develop in your garden!

Hugs!!

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HABITATVITALITY 10/15/2013 9:40PM

    Good on you for taking the hard way out and fronting up to a group of people to apologise. That makes you a bigger and better person and others can learn from this. emoticon

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CERTHIA 10/15/2013 8:52PM

    Mm, I know that feeling.. I always cringe looking back when I realize I've lost my cool. Happy to hear it worked out better in the end. Hope your garden will recover! Best wishes.

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