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3am - self defeat be gone!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I was just so excited about completing a whole month on SP that I'm up bright and early with such enthusiasm and blogging..... Well that could be true, because that's my character, but it's not on this occasion! LOL! A barking dog woke me and now I'm wide awake and wondering!

It is true that today I commence week 5 of this epic journey. The last 4 weeks have gone so slow, yet so quick and I've learnt so much about myself in the process, not only about weightloss but about physical and psychological roadblocks that are blocking my progress. I am addressing each issue as it arises, forming a strategy to get past it and then blogging about it to bring the issue into the light and send the issue on its way out into cyber space and far away from me, so I can move onwards and upwards. I have really appreciated the support and encouragement I have received along the way on this journey from some dedicated SP friends and also those that pop in and read my blog just as I do other people's blogs.

I spend more time on blogs than I ever do on messageboards and I try to spend at least 10 minutes a day giving back to strangers some words of encouragement - I used to just read and respond to current blogs but now I randomly select a page of previous blogs and I look for the person who has not received any comments. Apart from responding to friends blogs when I can I respond to strangers and strangers respond to me. I love that! Just one reply to a blog could change the world versus someone who has spent some time downloading their D&M's on a blog page and no one responds..... so I give my attention to these people. I remember when I first started blogging and those words of encouragement are one of the main things that got me through and are helping me stick to my challenges.

Now about those psychological roadblocks............. I encountered one yesterday that was both physical AND psychological (double whammy!). I wanted to do a November challenge with an SP friend (IAM146POUNDS) which involved completing an workout DVD (titled SHRED) once a day for 30 days. I actually found Level 1 of this program on U Tube and thought I'd test it out so I know what I'm in for. WELL !! I completely gave up after about 3 minutes into the exercise program (I gave up having just completed the warm up exercises!) and then I fell straight into a puddle of horrible self defeat and frustration. I'm so glad this happened because I was able to sit in those emotions and really look at them for what they were. Self defeat is a real 'crushing' feeling.

I went into one of my gardens and took my frustration out on cleaning it up - to my later delight I accomplished much and had a great workout in the process - I also ticked another project off one of my organic gardeners team's lists. Whilst in the wonderful setting of my garden I processed my self defeat. It had flawed me and literally paralyzed me from moving forward. Once I'd processed the feeling I realised that I was trying to achieve something that was out of my league and that I wasn't equipped for, so I just needed to accept that and be happy and grateful with my current progress and results. I thought of my personality of being a high achiever and how many times (particularly when I was younger) I'd reach for the stars only to find that I wasn't equipped to handle it and my self defeat would kick in and I'd bash myself up over it. This is the first time in my life that I saw just how powerful and devastating self defeat is and I now know that if that 'feeling' comes a knocking ever again it can't harm me..... I stared self defeat in the face and tackled it head on! I know I am bigger and better and now BEYOND self defeat.

Self defeat has no place in this healthy mind of mine! So just like Goliath I have conquered and OVERCOME another GIANT! That is HUGE! Self defeat has no stronghold over me anymore - Amen!

Self defeat is only real and will only work against you if you want it to......... other than that it is a lie and an illusion and has no power over you.

So with that said here is the work I put into the garden. I also filled my 240 litre wheelie bin which is not in this photo.

Whilst the big dog (jack russel) and I were attending to the important gardening matters, the little dog (chihuahua foxy x) was keeping her usual behaviour in good form and completely oblivious to the hard work going on around her. This photo has got to be titled "pick me up mummy - I am here to be adored and my feet are touching grass!!".

Unfortunately I spoilt her rotten and there's no changing that now - she thinks she's human and the world is her oyster and I'm never going to burst that bubble because she's just too cute so I just humour her like she humours me!

Have a great day/night today everyone and thanks for sharing my journey and my self discoveries .....

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love reading your blogs on your self discovery. emoticon
    1613 days ago
    Sorry you didn't wake up as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as you'd have like to. Was the barking dog yours wanting brekkies? They're so damn cute, obviously love having their photo taken don't they rallying round like that, they couldn't get any closer to you if they tried!
    Ha,ha so now I know how you found lil old me struggling alone out there on Sparksy cyberspace all on my lil lonesome! You were my first ray of hope that someone out there was actually reading me or at least looking at my piccies! (What's D&Ms though, I've tried guessing but nothing comes to mind :-)
    Love you thoughts about going THROUGH the feelings and facing them head-on, instead of denial or avoidance.
    Thanks a bunch though for the laughs! Love reading your thoughts, lovely mixture of eureka momenets, deep and reflective ├ępisodes and light humorous comments. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1613 days ago
    Morning my wonderful Australian Sparkfriend.

    Well done you, for feeling your emotions and working out a strategy for moving forward rather than burying your truth! I have never liked to feel negative emotions, but they are part of the rhythm of life and I am now learning that the quicker they are acknowledged and their message listened too, the less damage is done. They surface for a reason.

    Have another great month emoticon

    1613 days ago
    Great blog. It is one of the things I really noticed too that I had to stop and look at the self loathing I had and address it and then go on without it. One layer at a time. Like an onion !!!!

    We really do like ourselves or we wouldn't try so hard to give ourselves the 'real' life we deserve. I've heard maintenance is really hard and hope when I get there the layers will be removed enough for me to be totally honest to myself about food, emotions, who I really am and why I do and think the things I do.

    Thanks for putting all this into a great blog.

    PS Is that "I love you Mum" in those eyes I think yes :)
    1614 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/16/2013 12:56:12 AM
    There is a great deal in your blog.

    First, I think it's WONDERFUL that you look for blogs that need comments. The people behind those do look for the reinforcement and encouragement. That is so kind of you - I love it!

    Secondly, when I read that you tried a video entitled "Burn" when you are only one month into Sparking, I wondered if the content of the video was the problem. I'm glad you reasoned that one out. You're getting to know yourself! I've been doing the same thing over the past year since I started SP. Advice from a fellow Sparker warning me not to start running too soon is an example from my life. That was in response to one of MY blogs.

    Third, gardening is great exercise! I am always happy to remember that when I "stop" to clean the house or work in the yard, I am burning calories. Spark coaches consider it bona fide exercise! Your getting in the garden in response to the DVD dilemma (your positive thoughts and moving forward) is big progress if you ask me.

    Fourth, I love your dogs! We have a rat terrier. I love Jack Russells. The little Chihuahua is so cute too and they look so happy!!! I've totally spoiled ours and I don't regret it either!

    I Like This Blog!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    I wish they had a rake in the Emoticons. emoticon

    1614 days ago
    Awww pick her up quick!!! They are too cute! Don't let those roadblocks get you down!
    1614 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/15/2013 3:09:47 PM
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.