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    SDLEE514   16,927
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Weekend wrap up...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Thank you to all of you for your comments and support from my last blog...it was really comforting to know my irritated feelings weren't completely crazy. Sometimes you just need someone on your side and to justify your thoughts lol. I told my bf I was kind of irritated with my friend and he didn't understand it all, I just got the impression he thought I was an ungrateful b*tch of a friend :( no good.

So as it turns out, I did have fun over the weekend but things got even more awkward. So the bridesmaid dressing shopping WAS for my friend's own wedding. And she did bail on me to meet up with her bridesmaid friend, then invited said friend out with us after. Rub in face that you're not a good enough friend for me to be my bridesmaid and oh, let me introduce you to my friend who is. I did feel hurt. I had wanted to ask my friend to be my bridesmaid (if that time were to ever even come) and now I feel like I can't and it makes me upset. Like why would I ask someone who didn't want me. It turns out that my friend is only having 3 bridesmaids, her sister and 2 of her close childhood friends from home. So I totally get it, that lessens the hurt, but I still don't think I can ask her to be mine and that, albeit for selfish reasons, really upsets me. It already upsets me that I don't have a lot of close friends and who am I going to ask to be in my bridal party?...After overanalyzing the situation, because you know, that's what I do, I think if I were honest with myself (which is always a good policy), I'm not sure I would ask her if she didn't have such a big part in getting me and my bf together, like if I were to marry someone else. But she did, and that's why I would love for her to be a part of mine. But there's no point in analyzing this all to death when I am no where NEAR getting engaged and stressing about all this stuff.

So not only that, but my friend DIDN'T TELL ME they weren't staying with us the whole weekend. I kid you not, that happened. She totally dropped that communication ball. I obviously was under the impression she was staying with us the whole weekend, which made me feel really foolish. We had been emailing back in forth planning this trip and she said how does Columbus day weekend work for you, does the offer still stand (to stay with us), yadda yadda. No where did she say, oh, by the way, I'm staying with my bridesmaid friend the other 2 nights. Seriously. So while it was kind of nice not to host them the entire weekend and be able to spend time alone with my bf, needless to say I was QUITE annoyed on top of everything else that she didn't mention that. And in convo things came up that were like well we have to do this sometime this weekend or other things were alluded to and she never said anything. I just don't understand how that happens. She said she didn't want to impose on one person for the whole weekend so she split up where she stayed. That's considerate, I get it, but maybe you should tell your hosts that. gahhhh! So then after they had moved on to their bridesmaid/friend's place, she invited us to meet up again for their plans, but it kind of felt obligatory, you know? Regardless, we went, it was just meeting up at a bar to watch the football games on Sunday but still.

So recap. Friday, friends come in, out to dinner/drinks, they stay over, Saturday, she goes bridesmaid dress shopping bailing on us, then meets up with us later bringing her bridesmaid to the Taste of DC, they come back to our place, then reveals they were only staying the 1 night and head up to her bridesmaid's place, then Sunday she invites us to meet up to watch the football games, Monday I don't hear from her at all, and while I already had work off, my bf had to take Monday off thinking he was hosting people!!! And most of the conversation, both at Friday's dinner and at the bar on Sunday was about their wedding. So I feel like I spent most of my weekend eating badly, drinking to numb my annoyance, and putting on my Oh-I'm-so-thrilled-for-you!! happy face as they talked nonstop about the proposal, their wedding planning (200 guests!!, what ARE we going to do?!) and getting a lecture from her fiancÚ on ring shopping. Phew. So yeah, if my life were a some e-card it would be: Welcome to 27, where all your friends are engaged, your hangovers last 2 days, and you can't get your bf of almost 7 years to put a ring on it.

I realize I'm coming across as a huge b*tch right now and not a good friend, but I promise I made the best of it and did have fun, but it is exhausting to be constantly faking your feelings and shoving them down. I had a really rough work week last week where my boss was being an absolute nutcase. Examples: dreaded performance appraisals are due and she came over and asked me if my write up (we have to write up our own self assessment) was due and can we go over it. Boss, you never told me to do it. She told me, yeah remember so and so mentioned it on a call, I'm like yes, all she said was managers needed to hand theirs in by such and such date. Shes like noo...she also sent out an email. Okay, let me check my email...my boss kept arguing that we were told we needed to do them and I KNOW we never received any email and she didn't tell me but I could tell she wouldn't be argued with so I just said, maybe I missed the email, no worries, I'll have it for you tomorrow! with a smile on my face. THAT is something I absolutely hate. When people can't admit that they are wrong (the rest of the team confirmed that we NEVER got an email about it, so my boss outright lied about one being sent) and, I have to play the passive/dumb card "maybe I just didn't see the email" basically apologizing for something I didn't do, and all with a smile on my face because I don't want to be perceived as "difficult" from a manager's perspective. It is infuriating to me. In another instance, while I was discussing my performance appraisal with my boss, I made some sort of joke, but during the whole convo I thought it went well and she wanted to rate me even higher than I thought! Well the next day she sends me this email saying about your comment yesterday, if you disagree with your appraisal may I remind you that you had input into it...blah blah blah. It came out of left field!!! I was making a joke!! I had no qualms with my performance appraisal. How she twisted my words around and came back with that really made me mad and came out of no where. It's kind of hard to explain, but doing things like that, misconstruing words then throwing them back in someone's face is one of my greatest pet peeves. My mom is a pro at this, I learned early on not to confide in her much because too many times I would say something that she would take it differently than I meant (but there was no arguing with her) and I would regret saying it because it would come back to bite me in the ass. I felt the same way with the instance with my boss. grrrrr! What I'm trying to say is, between work and my relationships there were just too many times that I felt like I couldn't bring up my feelings or argue about something and I was constantly turning the other cheek pretending like I agreed with everything and putting on a smile when really I just wanted to tell everyone off. And it gets exhausting feeling like that!!

Well this has been a complete vent of a blog. I had a really rough week last week and a bit of a confusing and emotionally draining weekend. I ate badly and I drank too much. I felt like I was self sabotaging myself and started crying to my bf that I didn't deserve him. Yup. that happened. Emotional wreck. Right now I just need to focus on detoxing my body and my mind. *sigh*

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SQUIRRELLYONE 10/16/2013 8:24AM

    Ugh, what a weekend. Just because you're hurt doesn't mean it's not justified! If you were freaking out at her, maybe it would be an overreaction (though she deserves be called on the whole lack of communication thing!), but even then...

Being inconsiderate is one thing I have serious issues with. I doubt I'd be in a good place if I switched places with you.

Good luck!

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LIALEEPANTHER 10/15/2013 6:05PM

    Aaargh, what a nightmare. She sounds like she's doing the thing of totally not thinking about your feelings or situation AT ALL. Which is a terrible, terrible thing to do. It is most likely through absent-mindedness and not nastiness, but still there is no excuse. I'm so sorry she screwed up your weekend. You must be very careful to ask her next time - So WHICH nights will you be here? When can we hang out and when will you be making other plans? Be very specific with her as apparently she will give you misleading information without even thinking about it. Sending you virtual hugs. Have you opened up to your boyfriend about why it hurts that she is doing all this delightful wedding planning? Its not essential to prove love to get married, but if its important to you he should at least talk about it being a possibility, even if not yet.

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LEB0401 10/15/2013 5:26PM

    Whenever I have a fantasy wedding in my head I never have enough bridesmaids. Solution: destination wedding. Only closest friends and family, so a maid of honor is all ya need!

This funk your in right now is going to get better. 1) you're going to work off your food hangover and not feel so icky and depressed 2) you'll return to life as normal and begin to forget about what a jerk your friend was 3) your boss will be done with performance appraisals and stop being such a passive aggressive witch that snowballs blame to her subordinates



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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 10/15/2013 5:25PM

    I don't think you're coming across as a b*tch at all! Your friend sounds really flakey and as much as it makes you sad that you don't feel like you can ask her to be in your wedding, after this weekend, would you really want her to be? As others have said, take care of yourself this week!

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CHODGES83 10/15/2013 4:44PM

    UGH!!! Why are people so lame????? I can be a tightly wound individual so this friend would have put me over the edge. What the heck?! Who does this?! *SMH*

I hate to say that I am happy to hear that bosses everywhere are ridiculous. We have 3 supervisors for less than 20people. You would think we were infants the way we're micromanaged. As I said, tightly wound, so it is becoming increasingly difficult to put a smile on my face and kiss butt.

I think you should try kickboxing. Throwing some punches and kicks (that don't get you in trouble wink,wink) could be a serious stress release. Sorry things were not as you hoped this weekend.

Thank goodness it's a new week!

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CARADAWN 10/15/2013 2:53PM

    Your friend does not seem like a close friend anymore. It was inconsideratoe of her to not let you know she wasn't staying the whole weekend and then to go dress shopping with her other friend / bridesmaid and not you. You did get to spend time with her and she did include you in a lot of her plans but unfortunately it wasn't what you expected. Sometimes friends drift apart in life but are afraid to let go. I am sorry your week and weeekend were so rough emoticon

I think a bottle of wine and a nice bubble bath are called for emoticon

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IRP1114 10/15/2013 12:34PM

    Your thoughts are not crazy. It's funny how complete strangers can understand our feelings way more than the people right next to us right? Makes life complicated that is for sure. To feel like it is pointless to vent to the ones we feel we should count on... But sometimes it is just so hard for them to see our side of things. AND of course they are their own person in almost the same situation looking at things in a different way so maybe that is why it makes it a little harder?
Faking our emotions IS super draining. I totally understand why you are feeling like this. I am glad you made the time to write this blog. I am sure just getting it out is helping at least a little bit. It helps us put it behind us in a way.
Put yourself first today. Do something you feel like doing and forget everyone else. Forget what everyone else thinks and what everyone else is doing. You need to just focus on you for a while.
We are here for you girl. On your side as always emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/15/2013 12:35:48 PM

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CLRWILLIAMS25 10/15/2013 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon So sorry you are dealing with this. In my experience, most guys are different and would not see your POV (like your bf didn't). You had every right to be annoyed with the lack of communication, especially since your bf took off a day of work.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I agree with Sandra that a nice long relaxing bath sound like a great idea. Or a book to escape in for a bit (I'm reading Fall of giants by Ken Follett right now. It's kind of like Downton Abbey, but in book form and with more history).


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BONOLICIOUS2 10/15/2013 11:35AM

    Okay I'm sorry I laughed, but I hear you on this soooooooo much that I have to laugh because it sounds very much like my life and YOU GET IT. And you're normal! And you're speaking so much sense here even if you feel crazy!

First of all, have you checked out the site myfriendsaremarried? Google it. MFAM. Visit this site about once a week to reassure yourself of your saneness. It is what I do!

Your friend sounds like a lousy communicator. Seriously. I can't believe your bf took off and all and she pulled this BS. I also have the same thoughts in my head about bridesmaids and I wouldn't ask her either because of this. But honestly? You're lucky not to be asked. It is a ROYAL PAIN to be a bridesmaid.

You're burning out from keeping up the facade. We all have to keep it up, at work, with our friends, with the people we interact with every day. Sometimes it gets MAJORLY tested (pretending to be happy for your engaged friends, not breaking your boss's nose when she acts like a tyrant) and that truly is exhausting. I find that if I allow myself 10-15 minutes a day with zero facade, it helps. Sometimes I just stay in the shower extra long, just to be with myself and my thoughts, because you NEED that down/me time or you'll seriously burn out.

And sorry to say this but I am SO GLAD that I am not the only person who has meltdowns like that to my bf. I have another friend who is very much in this 7 year "I only want to be with you but not legally bound to you" weird place and I feel like the three of us need to meet up and swap stories over margaritas. You're definitely not alone or crazy!

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STFRENCH 10/15/2013 11:04AM

    emoticon emoticon

So sorry you've had such a trying time of late, both at home and at work. I know what it feels like. Be kind to yourself: don't beat yourself up, you already have too much to deal with. If you get the chance, take a lovely long bath with some lavender essential oil and take the time to do a few deep breathing exercises. Detoxing your mind and body may just be the way to go emoticon

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