Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I had a complete mental breakdown yesterday. It wasn't triggered by anything, it was just the weight of everything finally breaking through. Again. Times like this I HATE being so dang poor, because I think I honestly need medical mental help with deal with my depression and anxiety but there's just no way I have access to something like that.
I know my feelings are irrational and make no sense and "it's not the end of the world," but that doesn't help me cope. I KNOW they're messed up, but that doesn't mean I can suddenly CONTROL them. It just makes me feel even worse about it all when it happens over and over and I'm powerless to control myself or fix what's clearly broken.
I pretty much gave up entirely the last few days just because it's hard to even make myself get up in the morning. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but right now that's FAR easier said than done. I think I'm going to half give up on the food side of things, but I'm going to try and move more...it'll be better than nothing and might be all I'm capable of right now. I need to get my feet firmly planted underneath me before I can walk steadily and I really don't want to keep collapsing.
I'm going to TRY to eat healthier, and I'm GOING to exercise more.
If I don't have power over much of anything in my life right now, I can at least try to control that ONE thing, right?