Well, not the ones I was hoping for. I weigh pretty much the same as when I created JennKFit. What was the secret I discovered as JennKHealth when I very first signed up that I went from 195 all the way back down to 159? Since getting back into the 170's and starting over as JennKFit I haven't budged a bit. I have not maintained any consistency in my food choices or exercise, I have not managed to lose any real weight, I have not changed any of my habits or formed new ones. I have not changed my social situation and my work situtation is pretty much the same with the exception of a much reduced stress load. I don't want to create a third Spark name even if the 3rd time is supposed to be the charm.
I want to look back at the last two years and see what went wrong. There are 66 pages of old blogs I can go through and learn about what I've been through these past 2 years that I haven't made any progress toward my goals.
One major change that I can take credit for is getting work straightened out in my head. Reaching that goal alone is more important than all the others. I don't think I could progress without the work situation smoothed out. I have spent years trying to recover from what happened back in 2008 and I have finally reached a place of almost total peace about what happened and I know I'm at peace with how things are this year. There is still pain from the 2008 fiasco, but where I am today I can deal with and right now I am welcoming it. Dealing with work also helped me work out a major health problem that was putting me into a Catch-22 that almost cost me my career and everything else. Getting a proper diagnosis and treatment and elimnating a major source of stress created a positive health effect. It's easier to get healthy when you know what is wrong with you. I may not have lost 20 pounds, but those two accomplishments are major in a way I need to fully appreciate. This is a very big deal that I am where I am now with my health and career.
So I read a few old blogs, August 2011. I plan to read a month of old blogs every day this week and see how things were then, what went wrong and what direction I need to go in now.
The first thing I noticed was the eating habits I have now are what I had then when I started writing again. I also wasn't getting to the gym anymore either. There is a lot of stress associated with work that I noticed and all the plans I have now for Fall I had then. Eating better, getting to the gym, not letting work define me. I got 1 of 3 done. It's good to not be afraid of work anymore.
I think that may be a key to the lack of motivation and holding pattern I've been sitting in for the past 2 years. I am not afraid of my job anymore. I have been satisfactory for 2 straight years now and I am working toward building up perfect attendance this year. Without the fear of work permeating everything I can get back to the other things I want to acomplish. Tonight I will train with Gathan and enjoy the challenge of his workout. Tomorrow night I will go to Yoga with Ginny again and enjoy the challenge of new poses. I will wake up a bit earlier in the morning and go to bed earlier at night so I can enjoy the early morning getting ready for work without a hurried feeling. I would even like to try out Mike's Boot Camp class tomorrow before Yoga.
I want to eat better and stop doing these rediculous take out stops on the way home from work. Just get straight home and make a snack when I get there. A little bowl of cereal is a lot better than an order of cheese fries. I can't keep giving into these starving feelings I get all day long. Like right now, even with a nice breakfast it's 10 am and I could kill a 7 course meal right now I'm so hungry. I should just eat half my sandwich. I hate feeling hungry all the time. I even had 30 grams of protein for breakfast and ate only about 2 hours ago. I need a handful of almonds at this time of day. This is when I need to reach into my bag and snack on something that will hold me over until I can actually eat lunch. Not sure when I get to eat lunch but I'm hungry enough to eat it now. I have a pack of apples with me with some fruit dip I measured out, I should eat that now.
At this point if I keep babbling I'm going to need chapters. I'm going to snack smart and read some motivation articles. I forgot my organic string cheese today and I really miss it. String cheese, olives, and almonds would have been perfect right now instead of these apples.
Thank you all for listening and supporting me every day on my journey.