Monday, October 14, 2013
i just don't know what is wrong with me. i'm having a really hard time with it all and trying to figure it out makes me feel even worse. i didn't even have this much problem with my eating and working out when i moved and went through my divorce. ?? i can't see any reason why i'd be doing this.. it's annoying! i get back on track for a couple days but then i can't seem to keep myself there...somethings gotta give or else i'm in trouble.
after doing this vlog i decided to go watch some other vlogs. i'm brought to tears by the determination and strength so many have. i miss that drive in myself. i can feel her in there screaming to let her back out and feeling her fight with all her might. i don't know why i keep pushing her away with food. i don't know why i'm so down and why i keep thinking food is ganna make me feel better...i feel worse!
fighting ourselves is the worst feeling!! it's soooo easy to just give up but i also know that nothing good ever comes from just giving up. tonight might have been a bad eating night but i can make the next couple hours count for something...right?! so i've decided...tears and all...to go put my workout clothes on and get it done!
ever heard that quote..."your one workout away from a good mood"? sure it's 7:30 at night but it sure beats raiding the kitchen. good mood? here i come!!