Monday, October 14, 2013
So my depression hit me hard for the past 3 months...my weight is back up where it was when I started and I'm feeling terrible about myself again. I know I'm supposed to love myself where I'm at, yada, yada, yada. But the truth is I just don't feel like that. I seriously can't name one single thing I like about myself right now. That's something I have to work on, and I will.
My cousin (who is one of my best friends) just started doing Jenny Craig and she's down 3 pounds in her first week. I'm super proud of her and happy for her, too. I sincerely wish her luck. However, that brings my own weight struggle into sharp focus. It sucks - I mean really, REALLY sucks - to be the only fat person in a room. So as happy as I am for her weight loss, I'm panicking trying to get my self together to work on it again. I don't want to be fat anymore. I don't want my kids to struggle to hug me. I want to be able to go shopping without having to think about which stores might have decent and reasonable clothes for my size.
My knees are swollen and ache and I'm not sure if it's due to the fall weather or if I strained something. It doesn't hurt enough to warrant a visit to a doctor, but I do need to take it easy for a couple days. I'm going to focus on making sure I get enough water and really watch my calories and nutrition. Hopefully, my aches and pains will ease enough to go for a walk.