Sunday, October 13, 2013
Back below 200. I'm ready to get out of the 190's.
I cancelled my gym membership - I signed up at a gym about 25 miles from home, thinking it would be easy to just stop in on my way to or from work. But the truth is, I'm exhausted after work , I sleep in until I have to go to work because I *need* sleep to help stay on track, and I have a treadmill at home that I *could* use if I wanted to. I signed up 2 months ago and went to the gym only 5-6 times. I was really fired up at first because of the pool but after going a few times...it's nasty, the changing rooms are nasty, showers are disgusting...things that I didn't pay close attention to when I toured the gym.
I signed up for WW Online. NOT because it's WW, but because I really do like their food and activity tracker far more than SP and MFP trackers and the tracking is my biggest pitfall. I like that it keeps me in a low-calorie range daily, but allows me to have weekly points IF I need them. The lessons I've learned from the past is that I won't lose weight if I use up all of my weekly points and fitness points that I earn. To be effective, I need to NOT use all of my points. I know that. I'm doing my best not to see those points as "ice cream", "potato chips", etc...rather just for those particular days that I am exhausted and tired and don't feel like making dinner, or didn't take lunch to work, and I may go over my calories a bit. I don't know. I'd been considering this for a long time. I'm not a WW devotee...I just like the app. We'll see how it goes.
Work is going ok. It is what it is. One of the doctors is gone for a bit, so I've been busier. But when he comes back, I know I'll go back to being only steady, maybe even slow now that we're heading into the winter months. I'd be happy being very, very busy every day...the owners seem to be ok with just steady. They've even talked about hiring another doctor, which is mind-boggling considering that there are many days on end that we don't see enough clients. But, I guess that is not my problem and I'll just go with whatever they decide.
I'm still struggling with not feeling fulfilled, although some days I think it's just a reflection of my life overall: I'm sick of the town I live in and want to move, hubby is working crazy hours until his promotion, I drive 45-50 minutes each direction every day to work, I often feel unpopular at work (one of the other doctors is SUPER, SUPER sweet and everyone just LOVES her and I constantly see tiny reminders of that that just wear on me), I never feel like we have enough money, my infertility struggles, etc. I've actually considered seeing a therapist to help learn how to just cope. I hate that 33 years of my life have passed and I can never just feel happy and complete, mostly because I don't know how. We'll see. Therapists are so expensive! I'll have to call my insurance company to see what they cover.
Shandi is doing ok with her chemo. Yesterday she had chemo and her Zoledronic acid, which was a bit too much for her, unfortunately. She was really in the dumps all night but is doing fine now.
Hoping to make some good strides this week.