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They Finally Stopped Snickering (Or Did They?)

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Sunday, October 13, 2013


Being overweight my entire life, I have had my fair share of teasing. I had a lot of it in High School... and it wasn't fun. I can remember I was sitting down, waiting for my mom to come and get me. A guy pulled up and took the time to stop the car to say "Can I get your number? Yeah that belly just REALLY turns me on!" I wouldn't even make eye contact with the guy until he finally drove away. It's sad that over 10 years later I can still remember that like it happened yesterday. The good news is, I don't think of times like that very often.

After High School I thought the worst had to be behind me, adults couldn't be as petty and ridiculous as children right? WRONG! emoticon I actually found out that adults were even more brutal and judgmental and had no problem showing it. I could provide examples, but I don't want to think about those unhappy moments and give them any more time and energy.

But the other day I realized that I haven't heard a snicker or a snide remark in quite some time... in fact if you asked me when was the last time I heard one, I probably couldn't figure out when it was. The thing of it is, I am still about 188 pounds, not small by any means and I carry a large amount of weight in my stomach. To add insult to injury I live in Los Angeles, and even after losing almost 85 pounds I can almost always be the biggest person in a place at any given time. Whether it's shopping or out to eat, I am often the big girl... this isn't always the case but it happens more than I care to admit. So did people really stop making comments at my expense? Maybe, but I somehow find it highly unlikely. I think what has changed is me. I am no longer looking to see if anyone is giving me a weird look, or whispering while they point at me. I am no longer looking to see who is laughing so loudly, because they MUST be laughing at the fat girl. I am too busy feeling stronger and more confident because I have lost 85 pounds. In the past I literally walked around feeling like EVERYONE was looking at me and passing judgement because I was so big... it might sound paranoid but the sad part is it was often true. But those days are behind me and it's no longer something I choose to worry about.

I joked with my brother if I heard people making a joke about me I would say "Where? Where's the fat girl? I want to see! I've lost 85 pounds so it couldn't possibly be me!" emoticon It is to the point now where I don't care who thinks I'm fat or what their opinions are about it. Am I still overweight? Absolutely. But I am happy, healthy and I have come a long way and I am too busy enjoying my life to be worried about what other people might or might not be saying.

I am sharing this with you, because whether you've lost 5, 10, or 100 pounds, you deserve to be proud of yourself. People that pass judgement on others purely based on weight clearly have their own issues, and it has nothing to do with you. My hope by sharing this is that you won't wait until you lose 85 pounds to regain that confidence and to start living life. Don't waste any more time wondering if those people snickering are talking about you... they aren't worth your time. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are today, tomorrow, and everyday moving forward! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCY19662 11/15/2013 12:03AM

  Congratulations on your weight loss, and realizing that those people with there comments aren't worth paying attention to. They are miserable in there own lives and what others to be unhappy. Keep up the good work. emoticon emoticon

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RUTHDOWNUNDER 11/14/2013 11:57PM

  You are an inspiration. Keep up the good work.

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PURE-SOUL 11/14/2013 11:11PM

  Wow! You are an inspiration. Although I'm not overweight, reading your message made me overcome my fear and write my first comment emoticon emoticon

Keep going girl emoticon



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SOFTBALLMONKEY 11/14/2013 11:07PM

    emoticon You are amazing!

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DEEEBEE 11/14/2013 10:39PM

    The cruelty of others is shocking. So glad you lost so much weight and are feeling strong and healthy.

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MLLEMINOU 11/14/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRACYNIXON99 11/14/2013 9:34PM

  Thank you. Don't know how much I needed this tonight. You go girl! emoticon

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MSGO72 11/14/2013 9:18PM

  emoticon

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JEWITCH 11/14/2013 9:02PM

    emoticon Great blog. Thanks for sharing.

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JAMER123 11/14/2013 9:01PM

    Well done blog. I know the feelings well as do a large majority of us on SP. Isn't it wonderful to have tools that give us the motivation to help ourselves!! Thank you for sharing your story!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TEAROSE22 11/14/2013 8:51PM

    I found your blog so interesting, and anyone who has gone through life a Big a Girl can relate. I want to share a most embarrassing moment. I was in a small local restaurant bar waiting on people that I was meeting to head out to dinner. A guy at the far end of the bar kept staring at me, to the point that I was near tears. He motioned toward me as he was talking to the bartender. I was near tears, so ready to call him down, believing I was the topic of a joke. Well, I stood up. As I did so, the bartender who knew me, strolled down and said, can I get you another soda? .....
The fellow sitting at the end had asked for an introduction. He just told me you are beautiful. I learned a valuable life lesson, and never again assumed the worst. By the way, we have remained friends for 22 years.

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CAROLJ35 11/14/2013 8:49PM

    Very nicely done!
Keep your head up high because you certainly do have a good head on your shoulders!!!

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KAB7801 11/14/2013 8:47PM

    You are emoticon
That's very hard to overcome, but you can! emoticon

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HEAD-OF-RED 11/14/2013 8:45PM

    You are amazing!!!!! Keep it up!!!!

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DLYNN1113 11/14/2013 8:32PM

    loved this blog!!! Great attitude, thanks for posting it. emoticon

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DEBMUREMAIL 11/14/2013 8:25PM

  Congrats on the weight loss. I was impressed that you bared your soul to help others in a positive way. Thanks for sharing

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ANGELONE11 11/14/2013 8:19PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TINKERBELL200 11/14/2013 8:02PM

    Amen Sister! You have a great attitude and you have accomplished so much! Hold your head up high and know you are winning! Keep going and reach your goal! emoticon emoticon

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EGGBASKET1 11/14/2013 8:02PM

    GREAT BLOG !!! I FIGURE IF I AM WORKING ON MY HEALTHY JOURNEY WHAT ARE THEY DOING ABOUT THEIR ATTITUDE !!!! THANKS FOR SHARING SUCH AN INSPIRATIONAL BLOG.

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PATRICIAANN46 11/14/2013 7:48PM

  Good for YOU for loving yourself enough to shut out people who don't really matter anyway. Your self-confidence is emoticon and you are doing a wonderful job!!! emoticon

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MISSFOULK 11/14/2013 7:22PM

    I just want you to know how much I related to your post! I have recently lost almost 60 pounds (with that much or more still to go), and only said to my fiance last night that "I am tired of being a big girl." I still am that big girl...and I know when I get down into the 180s...170s...160s...and 150s, I will still feel like it! I suspect that feeling never goes away...I love your comment about throwing it back though, because that mental push is the hardest! Thanks for sharing your progress and struggles.

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SUNNYARIZONA 11/14/2013 7:01PM

    Boy your story is sure common among many here. I see people looking at my daugher with that LOOK.... She is over 300 lbs. and I don't know if she would care what anyone thought....at 42, she has NEVER dieted....but she is working on it now....and Mom has her mouth SHUT for the joy of it. Keep up the good work!

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NAYNAY69 11/14/2013 6:46PM

    emoticon

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SEATTLE9 11/14/2013 6:43PM

    Some people seem to believe if they make a judgmental comment about someone, they have elevated themselves. It isn't just weight - when I was a thin teen, I was on the receiving end of comments. The kindergarten teacher of my thin daughter announced my child was sick "all the time" because she didn't eat enough. Another well-endowed daughter has comments yelled from cars about her chest. A single mother who was responsibly raising her child while going to college to secure her future was told by the pediatrician she was "too young to have a child".

Many people losing weight have reached a point where suddenly others have decided they have lost enough...and are very comfortable telling them. Every one seems to have an opinion they feel they have the right to express. There is never a point where everyone "approves".

Pity the people who need to drag others down - they must full of self-doubt.


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BJSTRING 11/14/2013 6:23PM

    I wasn't overweight growing up, but I thought I was because I was not a "stick". I mean, at 5'3" I weighed 120 pounds, most of it in the curves! I managed to maintain this weight , except for 5 pregnancies, till I was about 35. Then the weight started gradually escalating till I weighed nearly 200 pounds in 2001! I have a picture someone took of me back then and it literally looked like a set of clothes stuffed with a person! I felt like everyone was thinking "What a fat lady; wonder when she's gonna sing"! In 2002, a friend invited me to go to Weight Watchers; my first thought was "is she calling me fat?"; I knew it was true, though, and I knew it was time to do something about it. So I joined Weight Watchers and got busy, thinking that I might as well put my money where my mouth is - maybe it'll work.Well, 8 months later I had lost 52 pounds and felt better about myself than I had in years! I hadn't even realized how poor my self image was! Well, a couple of years later I found that I had regained nearly half of what I had lost (some things should just remain lost!) and went to work again. I managed to lose the 25 AND 10 more with the help of SparkPeople. Currently I have re-gained some again and am just about ready to commit to "getting busy" again. I really appreciate the help that SP gives and blogs like yours!

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TPETRIE 11/14/2013 6:15PM

  Thanks for sharing. You are so right, I remember feeling that way too. emoticon

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SAGEMOM1948 11/14/2013 6:10PM

  So inspirational....keep on staying positive. So many people can relate to your experiences... emoticon

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3DISDAMGOOD 11/14/2013 5:56PM

  I have not been on this site to post in a very long time but your story deserves a comment. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope it helps someone else out there that is going through the same thing. Keep you head held high.....

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PROUDNM1987 11/14/2013 5:32PM

    Omg!! You brought tears to my eyes!! No I was never overweight growing up but I had other issues..I had the hair I couldn't do anything with because it was a frizz fest and wore glasses and just pretty much felt ugly and was treated ugly and bullied to great extents! Things do stick with a person!! I am 51 years old and to this day remember as an early teen this kid telling me that I had an ok body but my face......so even as an adult and happily married to a wonderful handsome man I felt like well now I am fat and ugly!! I am getting better about my self esteem but it is hard!! Thank you for your blog! It was inspiring and uplifting!

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MAREE1953 11/14/2013 5:32PM

    Way to go! Remember how all those counselors and self-help books used to say, "you first need to love yourself...." I'd say, that this is what I heard when I read this blog--Yaay! She's beginning to love herself! I celebrate you, my friend!

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LYNCHD05 11/14/2013 5:25PM

    You are doing so awesome you should be proud of yourself!!!

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SLICKEM05 11/14/2013 5:13PM

    you have lost nearly 360 sticks of butter! that is SO awesome. Enjoy your accomplishments. It could not have been easy. No matter whether you are 300, 200 or 125, there will ALWAYS be a HATER out there. It is 100 percent THEIR issue and not yours. When people act all ugly and stinky, pray for them. They are in FAR MUCH WORSE SHAPE than you can imagine. Confident people don't look down on and talk about others. Insecure wimpy threatened people DO. Rock on Sister! Good job! Keep getting healthier and happier each day. God bless you REAL GOOD...SHARON emoticon

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THROOPER62 11/14/2013 5:03PM

    emoticon

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SIXPETE 11/14/2013 4:56PM

    Beautifully said, beautifully lived! I look forward to reading more of your adventures! emoticon

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MODERNELF 11/14/2013 4:54PM

    That really spoke to me, because I look for people's snickers. On the train today when I couldn't squeeze between two people, a girl asked if I was going to sit down. Me, "nope" and she just squeezed in there.
I think others are judging because I'm judging myself.
I need to work on that.
tips?

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JENNIFIER615 11/14/2013 4:53PM

    Oh what a great post!!! I think we all have experienced this in one way or another...good for you in learning to see yourself for what really is!!

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KIPPER15 11/14/2013 4:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JEWELMAKER1 11/14/2013 4:41PM

    Your blog was right on! Thanks for sharing your success!

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SGEORGE90 11/14/2013 4:38PM

  emoticon GREAT JOB!

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RAWN13 11/14/2013 4:24PM

    Well done for overcoming this! Sadly we are not raised to just be confident with who we are, obviously some are but for most it's a journey that you need to do. I never thought people were laughing but talking about me behind my back and a big turning point is when you honestly look at the person and ask 'is their opinion of me really that important?' If so you need to ask yourself why and it's going to sound selfish but what do you get out of it. Because really you want and need to surround yourself with upbeat and genuinely nice people, the happier you are, the easier life is and then that's one less thing to worry about.
Super well done on your weightloss too!!

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2009SELENA 11/14/2013 4:21PM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing.

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DEBBLO 11/14/2013 4:14PM

    Great blog! Can relate. Had in-laws who commented when I was fat, then when I lost a lot of weight would say "remember when Debbie was fat" all the time! I learned to just block it out after a while - some people are just ignorant.
I once read that someone who points out something negative or teases about something usually has the same issue.
Good luck with your Spark Journey! emoticon

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SABARRON30 11/14/2013 4:12PM

    Thank you so much for posting this. I often feel people are judging me by my weight. I keep struggling with it day after day. Your post is certainly an inspiration. Congrats on your weight loss. I hope one day I'll be telling people about mine and inspiring them too.

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CMFARRELL36 11/14/2013 4:10PM

    Thank you for sharing - it was probably not easy for you, but you did it.
So - don't beat yourself up about what other folk may think.

You have to believe in yourself - and/or find ways yo make yourself think that way.
Have you tried the Stress Team here on SP?
Or someone to chat with?

As far as "what other folk may think" is concerned - you need to tell yourself that you are above that sort of nonsense.
You are so *not* what other folk think of you - you are yourself and deserving of every bit as much politeness and civility as anyone else. And if people aren't giving you that - then you have to be the better person and feel sorry for them.

None of it is easy - I've been there, I still am there, but I have also started to learn to move on.
Feel free to mail me if you'd like to.

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JAVAGAL47 11/14/2013 3:36PM

    As Pattie said, what more can we add. We all are thankful for this insightful message. You are an inspiration. Your Spark friend, sending hugs, emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRUMPYSGAL 11/14/2013 3:33PM

  Maybe you were always paranoid about it and only thought they were saying things about you. Now that you feel better about yourself and don't care you notice the difference. I always feel that people who are rude will someday themselves have a rude awakening. There are a lot more things to appreciate about people. Sometimes you like a person so much you notice nothing bad about them. Stay focused and love yourself.

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HORSEDIVA5 11/14/2013 3:06PM

  People who make these kind of comments are just trying to boost their own ego and downplay their own insecurities. I am so glad that you have been so courageous in reaching your accomplishments to have a "better you"! Thank you for sharing this. emoticon

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NEWDAYGIRL23 11/14/2013 3:06PM

    Just had to comment, because I definitely know what you mean! I think when we're insecure about ourselves it seems like everyone is staring and laughing when really they may not me at all! And then when we feel good, you just don't notice or even think anyone could be talking about you! I have absolutely felt that and think this is such a good reminder. Also, if you seem confident, I don't think you're as easy of a target for bullies either :) Best of luck and thanks so much for this today!

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KARUNK 11/14/2013 3:05PM

    Good for you! - People are so cruel sometimes and you are right. It is usually because they have issues themselves and they are dealing with them by trying to step on someone else.

Keep on going - You are doing Great!

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ROCKYCPA 11/14/2013 3:02PM

    emoticon emoticon

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