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STEPH-KNEE
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They Finally Stopped Snickering (Or Did They?)

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Sunday, October 13, 2013


Being overweight my entire life, I have had my fair share of teasing. I had a lot of it in High School... and it wasn't fun. I can remember I was sitting down, waiting for my mom to come and get me. A guy pulled up and took the time to stop the car to say "Can I get your number? Yeah that belly just REALLY turns me on!" I wouldn't even make eye contact with the guy until he finally drove away. It's sad that over 10 years later I can still remember that like it happened yesterday. The good news is, I don't think of times like that very often.

After High School I thought the worst had to be behind me, adults couldn't be as petty and ridiculous as children right? WRONG! emoticon I actually found out that adults were even more brutal and judgmental and had no problem showing it. I could provide examples, but I don't want to think about those unhappy moments and give them any more time and energy.

But the other day I realized that I haven't heard a snicker or a snide remark in quite some time... in fact if you asked me when was the last time I heard one, I probably couldn't figure out when it was. The thing of it is, I am still about 188 pounds, not small by any means and I carry a large amount of weight in my stomach. To add insult to injury I live in Los Angeles, and even after losing almost 85 pounds I can almost always be the biggest person in a place at any given time. Whether it's shopping or out to eat, I am often the big girl... this isn't always the case but it happens more than I care to admit. So did people really stop making comments at my expense? Maybe, but I somehow find it highly unlikely. I think what has changed is me. I am no longer looking to see if anyone is giving me a weird look, or whispering while they point at me. I am no longer looking to see who is laughing so loudly, because they MUST be laughing at the fat girl. I am too busy feeling stronger and more confident because I have lost 85 pounds. In the past I literally walked around feeling like EVERYONE was looking at me and passing judgement because I was so big... it might sound paranoid but the sad part is it was often true. But those days are behind me and it's no longer something I choose to worry about.

I joked with my brother if I heard people making a joke about me I would say "Where? Where's the fat girl? I want to see! I've lost 85 pounds so it couldn't possibly be me!" emoticon It is to the point now where I don't care who thinks I'm fat or what their opinions are about it. Am I still overweight? Absolutely. But I am happy, healthy and I have come a long way and I am too busy enjoying my life to be worried about what other people might or might not be saying.

I am sharing this with you, because whether you've lost 5, 10, or 100 pounds, you deserve to be proud of yourself. People that pass judgement on others purely based on weight clearly have their own issues, and it has nothing to do with you. My hope by sharing this is that you won't wait until you lose 85 pounds to regain that confidence and to start living life. Don't waste any more time wondering if those people snickering are talking about you... they aren't worth your time. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are today, tomorrow, and everyday moving forward! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MYTURN694
    I can totally relate to what you said. I used to be afraid to walk around when I was with people because I was afraid they would they remark on how big I've become. It isn't until recently that I've noticed that it doesn't bother me anymore. I am 24 lbs lighter than my heaviest known weight and I am more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I have a long way to go but at least I'm not in the same place I was before. Good luck to you .... I know we'll both meet our goals! emoticon
    878 days ago
  • v LORIVIOLA
    emoticon for the emoticon blog.
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    888 days ago
  • v HELLOADDISON
    Thank you for shareing this! I have been in that bad place for a long time of not wanting to be out or leave my home due to my size and looks I feel like a big purple yellow polka dotted monster everyone is looking at because there is a spot light on me, and people are mean nasty snide and laughing and pointing all at me. I also have social/agora phobia and that does not help. I am starting to notice a few small victories though since i have joined Sparkpeople, the other day while at Mc donalds with my dad I noticed a young couple was making fun of me and you know what for the first time i held my head high and even looked at them like they were stupid it hurt yes but it did not get the best of me. I am thankful for the friends and support I have found here at spark! emoticon emoticon
    921 days ago
  • v MAYBER
    Thank you for sharing your story it has helped a lot of others
    Very proud of who you are today
    Best wishes as you continue on to your tomorrows
    One day at a time
    Love Prayers Peace
    Bernice
    emoticon emoticon
    977 days ago
  • v PROVERBS31JULIA
    To some degree, I've no idea if any or all are laughing or snickering or made snide remarks just because I'm already deaf in ine ear and not far behind deaf in my "good ear"... But I sure sensed strange body language. So maybe I am paranoid...
    984 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/19/2013 7:28:52 AM
  • v MCJULIEO
    Grieving for what you went through, but rejoicing that you are healthy and wise to reject their hurtfulness... your testimony is SO encouraging...
    989 days ago
  • v SAMMI-SAM
    I laughed my butt off when I saw this page. Very humerus emoticon ....
    996 days ago
  • v GODSGLORYGIRL
    Steph-knee, I've had your blog post in my in-box for weeks now and I finally took a minute and read it! I am SO PROUD of you! And your story is so encouraging to me. I have over 160 pounds to lose and I KNOW that I am treated differently and judged for my size. Your blog reminded me that confidence and a positive attitude are our best weapons against ignorance. I hope that your journey continues to be full of wonderful happy times and compassion for others because of your experience.

    Paula
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    996 days ago
  • v KATHLEENMMF
    You are awesome ! Thank you so much for motivating me today !!! : )
    1000 days ago
  • v SPICY23
    Thank you for this encouraging post! You are a Beacon of Inspiration!
    emoticon
    1005 days ago
  • v JPANNELL0
    Loved your blog! Keep up that great winning attitude and keep up the great work!

    emoticon emoticon
    1007 days ago
  • v LOVEXAVIE
    Great blog!! Know what you mean about being in So CA (I'm in OC).
    You are doing so well and I am so proud of you.

    It must really suck to be the kind of person like that guy who said those hurtful words in high school. I try to always put myself in the other guys shoes but honestly? I can't even imagine being of a mindset to think - let alone articulate - what he said to you.
    Says infinitely more about him and his sad state than it could ever say about you!

    People like him simply. don't. matter.

    YOU matter!! Keep up the GREAT WORK!!!
    1009 days ago
  • v JOELLACORNEILLE
    Excellent post. You dealt with something even more important than the weight loss, you dealt with the ability to like yourself in spite of everything else. Thank you.
    1009 days ago
  • v LADYGSC
    emoticon emoticon emoticon spark on!!
    1011 days ago
  • v ETERNALMINDED
    Congrats on the weight lost! Also, congrats, on not caring what others think! You just continue on your journey to a healthier you! Blessings to you on this journey we call life! emoticon
    1011 days ago
  • v LEANMEAN2
    Good for you. Congratulations.
    1012 days ago
  • v KDSTAP
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    1012 days ago
  • v BETTERME54
    emoticon
    1012 days ago
  • v 1GROVES2
    Great blog! and Congratulations on your healthier diet!....and
    THANKS!
    1013 days ago
  • v MOTIVATIONFOUND
    You are awesome! I love your attitude and the way you look at things. You have lost 85 lbs!. That is incredible and you are a rock star! You're right, though - waiting for something (anything, not just a weight-related something) in order to be proud of ourselves, or to accept and appreciate ourselves is such a waste of time. We should all be proud of ourselves and love ourselves today. Life's too short to wait!
    1013 days ago
  • v GETTINGFIT88
    Congratulations - your positive attitude is inspiring!
    1013 days ago
  • v AMYSYOKO
    wow so inspiring, reading this kind of broke my heart and then really BLESSED my heart I admire your strength, courage and determination...you go girl, well done!!!
    1014 days ago
  • v YAYA179
    What a positive attitude!!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1014 days ago
  • v STEPHLOKI
    Thanks for sharing this. I am still worrying about who is sniggering, even though I have never been obese and live in a place with many obese people. But I am right now at my heaviest ever since I regained my weight I lost and then some.

    So I do feel fat & ugly & like a failure. But deep down I can overcome all the obstacles and even the hormone problems and loose again.

    Thanks for cheering us on
    1015 days ago
  • v FIRECRACKER61
    Been teased, shunned, ignored, overlooked about my weight since I was three years old. But I am also experience healing here at SparkPeople. Thank you for sharing. You are doing so great!
    1015 days ago
  • v LEN_VERSION32
    Congrats on your weight loss and great confidence!! Thanks for encouraging us!
    1015 days ago
  • v JERICHO1991
    Moving forward, great attitude.
    1016 days ago
  • v DESIZGIRL
    Your blog entry brought back so many memories. Of hiding behind loose clothing, chairs squeaking precariously as I would sit down, looks and comments I would pretend not to hear. The list goes on.

    When we focus on positives....positive people, positive self-speak, appreciation for all we have, the negative begins to fade to the background. We notice it less. Since we are not focused on negative aspects of our lives, we notice more positive things. Our lives become reflections of that positive attitude.

    So congratulations on your tremendous accomplishment! You should be so proud of yourself!

    Blessings!
    emoticon

    1016 days ago
  • v FREEBIRD7100
    Congratulations for losing weight and gaining yourself! Keep up the great work & thanks for being a role model for the rest of us
    1016 days ago
  • v LINDA!
    What a great blog.
    1016 days ago
  • v 4KWALK
    Congratulations and thank you for caring enough about other Sparkers to write this blog. It is a help for me today.
    1016 days ago
  • v MRSCHIPPY
    Thanks for sharing and congrats on your successes!
    1016 days ago
  • v STITCHLADY55
    Congrats on your progress It is always interesting to hear one own experience reflected in the words of others. It lets us all know we were not alone then and we are not alone now. Thank you SOooo much for sharing it make the journey so much easier. emoticon emoticon
    1016 days ago
  • v ROXYHON
    You are incredible! Congratulations on your weight-loss, but mostly congratulations for the wonderful confidence and strength that you have developed. YOU should be so proud of everything you have accomplished, and thank you so much for your blog as it is such an inspiration to all of us. Keep up your great work, and continue to enjoy every positive change that you foster...way to go!!!
    1016 days ago
  • v MEADOW47
    So many of us have had the unpleasant and hurtful experiences you described...and more. Before Spark there was Overeaters Anonymous where I learned that my value was not in my weight. That I was kind, attractive, reliable, honest, capable, well-read and had many other sterling qualities. I made a list. I quit giving the scale, and other people, power over how I felt about myself! I put the list with a picture of myself where I could see it often and titled it "Graduate of Life"

    I have held my head up ever since and I never think anyone is a better person than I am.

    Hugs to you all, Linda Shirley emoticon
    1016 days ago
  • v IAMCOLEEN
    Fantastic sharing. Good for you, great message for us all!
    1016 days ago
  • v EGMINGA
    I fully understand what you went through for me add elementary school. I have moved on and reading your blog let's me know I'm not the only one who has fought this battle and we are winning it. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1016 days ago
  • v KANOE10
    Great blog. We have all suffered the cruelty of others. It is time to be proud of ourselves and to beiieve in the healthy life we have chosen. Great job on losing 85 pounds!


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    1016 days ago
  • v CHERYLJAY7351
    Congratulations, you have made the most important shift-changing your attitude about yourself.
    I have long subscribed to this quote.

    "What other people think of me, Is none of my business." emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v JOANNS4
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v CYDE43
    I wish you could bottle what you are getting in strength from your experience, because it's worth a million! You are lucky that "the guy" was in a car and drove away ... believe me, I know the comments and the evil little snide remarks. Unfortunately, I have "the guy" (figuratively speaking) all around me--in my family, living with me, friends of people who don't drive away. And day in and day out, that's what I hear. Nothing is good enough, gets resolved fast enough, is attractive enough or picked apart so that what is attractive, good and working is hardly recognizable. I learned to use headphones and listen to good music a long time ago. I decided to feel sorry for them because of how poor their quality of life is for not being able to recognize what is truly valuable. And as your weight loss of 85 lbs may seem like it doesn't show, I assure you, like a light taken out from under a barrel, it shows. emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v SASSYTHING52
    nice blog i dont care what people think but my past really hurts my efferts emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v DGRIFFITH51
    Well said!! You have come a long way and you deserve to be proud of the changes you are making in your life!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v BEVIEG41
    You go girl. I would kill to be a trim 188 lbs, so enjoy who you are and dont worry about the really small petty people. I went to a restaurant lately and they stuck my friend and I near the kitchen. I complained and asked if they put all their overweight patrons in the back of the restaurant. He hemmed and hawwed and by golly we got a seat up front and by a window. You have to like who you are no matter what size you are.
    1017 days ago
  • v OLDLADYOF5
    I am glad to hear how good you are doing. I come from a family of men and women who weigh on average 200 pounds. Some weigh more and some weigh less. I have always struggled to keep my weight under control because of this and health reasons as well. I can remember being a freshmen in high school, many-many years ago, and kids making fun of me because I was a little over weight (like 20 pounds). I vowed to lose weight over the summer. I did it in an unhealthy way, but I did not get made fun of any more. As a matter of fact, those who poked fun at me and those who didn't, took notice of my new found look. By the way, I went from a size 16 to a size 9 over that summer. Now that I am getting older the weight is starting to come back. But I got a saving grace coming my way. I am getting a free 6 month membership to weight watchers and will be joining a gym soon after. Keep up the good work and continue to encourage others.
    1017 days ago
  • v SADDHU1
    Congratulations on the weight lost and the confidence gained!
    1017 days ago
  • v XENA1956
    Great blog! Finally to get that "Ah Ha!" moment is wonderful! Wishing you the best of luck in your weight loss journey! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v JULIA75
    Well, allegedly living well is the best revenge, so since you are living healthily and dropping weight (how many thousand people want to lose weight and haven't even even managed 20 pounds, and you dropped 85!), I think you won out over that evil memory. That said, since I've met creatures of that ilk I'm having a lovely warm image of him totaling his car, taking a long time to being back on his feet and gaining 80 pounds, none of which he ever dropped. (I may not be an entirely nice person ;) )

    I think maybe you aren't hearing snide remarks because with that huge, huge, huge success of losing so much weight and all the work and the changes it took, you simply have gained a confidence that repels cowards like that. emoticon emoticon
    1017 days ago
  • v JUS_ME2
    So very true! emoticon emoticon
    1017 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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