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I don't know how much longer I can keep it all together

Saturday, October 12, 2013

I've been in pain for 4 weeks now. I'm fighting a shingles outbreak. On my face. I haven't slept properly since this has started. I've honestly had more days where all totaled I've only had 2.5 hour of sleep in a 24 hour period - those are in as little as 10minute sleep increments. The pain doesn't let me sleep much longer than that some days. I wake up almost screaming from the pain and burning. I've even slept with an ice bag on my face all night. Okay, I didn't actually sleep. The ice bag couldn't really stop the burning pain.

Tonight I tried to go to bed again. The first time in 3 nights. Last night was pretty restful. I was only up about 5 times, and got about 10 hours of sleep. So in my mind it was an excellent nights rest.

Anyhow, I tried to go to bed. Within 30min of falling asleep, I woke up with my face burning again. It had stopped burning about 20 hours ago. And here it was back. I tried to put the cream on it in the dark, but all I did was end up dropping my things, loosing my glasses. Finally I collected everything and came back down to the couch.

Hubby just came down the stairs. First he got upset that the tv was on again. Seriously? I'm in so much pain I can't relax. The tv offers me some kind of escape and distraction. And you are so friggin concerned with your tv being on all night again. Fine. It's off. A$$HOLE!!!

Then he comes back and proceeds to tell me I can't keep doing this. That I need my rest.

Really? In your warped mind I'm CHOOSING to sit up all night night after night? You've seen how hard this is on me - physically and emotionally. But I must be choosing it. WOW!

For the last two days I've been fighting the urge to pick up and leave. I am so angry from all the pain. I don't want to take it out on hubby. I don't want him to see how angry it's making me. I've been very concerned with how my illness is affecting him. How I know he can't sleep if I'm up. Or how I can't be in the bedroom because being there awake keeps him up, so I'm on this friggin uncomfortable couch distracting myself with the tv so hopefully he can get some kind of rest.

And he pulls this nonsense. I'm so angry I could scream. I'm ready to just walk out of here and find somewhere else to stay until my face heals. But if I do that, I know I won't come back. EVER.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry. Shingles are the worst. Call your dr about the pain. Their are medicines out there that can relieve the pain for you. Praying for you.
    1560 days ago
    Shingles are the worst... My grandmother & now my mother have suffered through multiple outbreaks. (I'll probably be next in line w/my stress levels, but for now all that's happening is weight cycling & styes breaking out on my lower eyelids)

    My mother's Dr prescribed an antiviral plus an anti-inflammatory which I can't remember the name of for pain???

    1560 days ago
    Your husband does not understand the pain that you are in and you need to put it in language that he understands how the pain is. Tell him it is like someone grabbing his balls and twisting them to pull them off. Men need word pictures to understand what you are going through. I heard that on the radio and it was a man saying it too, about how women could get the man to understand what she is going through. So give it a try and see what happens and also let him know that you are out there so that HE can rest and not be waken up by you. emoticon emoticon
    1563 days ago
    Hey, it can take a while to heal and stress is not good for you.

    Do not let your hubby cause you more stress! It can make your shingles worse.

    Maybe you could take a mini vacation to a friend or relative.

    Best of luck and recovery. Heard it is absolutely miserable.


    1563 days ago
    Hope things get better for you emoticon
    1563 days ago
    I think you need to let him know your concerns for his rest, etc., and just remind him again how painful this is for you and that you are angry. Praying this subsides for you once again and just continues to get better. Hugs!!
    1563 days ago
    I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. My boyfriend had shingles three years ago and I know what you are going through. It was the same for him, couldn't sleep and constant pain. He couldn't even wear regular clothes because touching his skin drove him up a tree. He did get well and we are still together, so I pray that things work out for you.
    1563 days ago
    1563 days ago
    I don't know much about shingles, but have heard that it is incredibly painful. Wishing you a fast recovery.
    1563 days ago
    I am so sorry you are suffering the way you are. Nerve pain is THE WORST. I've had it with dental work and I cannot imagine how anyone gets through shingles.

    The only thing that could make it worse is not having understanding and support from your loved ones. (My husband still gets angry at me when I show symptoms from an insulin reaction. Oh well. We're all imperfect packages.)
    emoticon emoticon

    I wish I could give you some advice about how to deal with the worst physical pain a human could have. Do you have anyone in your life other than hubby who can come over to just be with you?

    I will be praying for your complete and speedy recovery, your husband's, too, and that everyone who has not had chickenpox or a varicella vaccination gets a shingles vaccination.

    1563 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/12/2013 4:07:05 PM
    1563 days ago
    bite your tongue before saying something that you'll be sorry for. he doesn't understand , nobody who didn't have that kind of pain doesn't. and no , I didn't have shingles but i had a 2 months trigeminal neuritis . I would have swallowed poison just to know it will help me a few seconds. try to talk to him when you're both calm and tell him that you're not awake because you're watching TV but rather watch because you're awake and can't sleep. and that healing takes weeks and both of you have to be patient. I hope you get well soon emoticon
    1563 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    It sounds like you are both sleep deprived and therefore miserable and cranky. That's not a good combination when both people are in that state. Making that kind of decision in the midst of a serious illness could lead you to making a decision you will regret. I hope you manage to find some relief and get some sleep soon so that both of you can be back to being yourselves.

    1563 days ago
    We've had some people at work who have SUFFERED through shingles... it sounds so nasty and painful.... Get well soon!
    1563 days ago
    Come on Katrina, hang in there!!! Don't make any decisions that you are going to later regret. Pain can do that for you. It can make you irritable, cranky and just plain unagreeable. Sure, he's being totally unreasonable and overactive, but you should not make decisions that will effect both of you for life!!!

    I would get a second opinion from a different doctor. I do think there is something, some medicine that can deal with the pain and sleeplessness!!! Please have someone else look at it and listen to all you've gone through so far!!! I would be at my wits end if I had to go through what you are!!!

    Prayers & hugs, dear!
    PS: don't worry about exercising for the 5% Daisy team, just you get better!!!
    1563 days ago
    Ahhh it sounds miserable! Hopefully your near the end now. After 4 weeks.
    Maybe you should show this blog to your hubby, Or discuss it.
    So he can understand how you are putting yourself out to consider him.
    Sometime people are dense, and they need things said to them.
    I really hope you get some peace soon!


    1563 days ago
    Unrelenting pain is horrible. I'll be praying for you. emoticon emoticon
    1563 days ago
    I am so sorry for your pain. Sometimes illness bring out a side in us and the people around us that is not so nice. Just continue to do what you need to do to help ease the pain and soon you will be healing.
    1563 days ago
    This sounds very tough, I have no advice just sending positive thoughts and hugs. I'm sorry and I hope that you feel better soon.

    1563 days ago
    1 2 3 breathe

    Hang in there, this is no time to make decisions, I know how hard it is not sleeping. I have nights when I am up until 4 a.m but luckily hubby sleeps through anything, he doesn't even know I am up half the
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1564 days ago
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