Saturday, October 12, 2013
I've been in pain for 4 weeks now. I'm fighting a shingles outbreak. On my face. I haven't slept properly since this has started. I've honestly had more days where all totaled I've only had 2.5 hour of sleep in a 24 hour period - those are in as little as 10minute sleep increments. The pain doesn't let me sleep much longer than that some days. I wake up almost screaming from the pain and burning. I've even slept with an ice bag on my face all night. Okay, I didn't actually sleep. The ice bag couldn't really stop the burning pain.
Tonight I tried to go to bed again. The first time in 3 nights. Last night was pretty restful. I was only up about 5 times, and got about 10 hours of sleep. So in my mind it was an excellent nights rest.
Anyhow, I tried to go to bed. Within 30min of falling asleep, I woke up with my face burning again. It had stopped burning about 20 hours ago. And here it was back. I tried to put the cream on it in the dark, but all I did was end up dropping my things, loosing my glasses. Finally I collected everything and came back down to the couch.
Hubby just came down the stairs. First he got upset that the tv was on again. Seriously? I'm in so much pain I can't relax. The tv offers me some kind of escape and distraction. And you are so friggin concerned with your tv being on all night again. Fine. It's off. A$$HOLE!!!
Then he comes back and proceeds to tell me I can't keep doing this. That I need my rest.
Really? In your warped mind I'm CHOOSING to sit up all night night after night? You've seen how hard this is on me - physically and emotionally. But I must be choosing it. WOW!
For the last two days I've been fighting the urge to pick up and leave. I am so angry from all the pain. I don't want to take it out on hubby. I don't want him to see how angry it's making me. I've been very concerned with how my illness is affecting him. How I know he can't sleep if I'm up. Or how I can't be in the bedroom because being there awake keeps him up, so I'm on this friggin uncomfortable couch distracting myself with the tv so hopefully he can get some kind of rest.
And he pulls this nonsense. I'm so angry I could scream. I'm ready to just walk out of here and find somewhere else to stay until my face heals. But if I do that, I know I won't come back. EVER.