Friday, October 11, 2013
I learned something this August. I was sitting in an intensive outpatient program for psychiatric care, somehow managing to get there by 9:00 AM despite sleep that was more or less nonexistent. I had just come out of a week in the hospital because I was afraid I was at the end. My end. I just could not handle the fibromyalgia pain and isolation any more. Yet there I sat, because quitting is not an option. And the therapist wrote on the board, "Do what you can, not what you want."
It seems so obvious. But if you've spent any time at all in my head (which I sure hope you haven't else I'm not the only one in need of a good therapist), you know full well that plans and hopes and goals and wishes dismiss that notion without even a passing glance. Do what you can. Wow! I mean, really. Just wow!
Now that I've picked myself up off the floor -- the sudden braking in my head did feel like stumbling over myself to wind up in a state of Duh -- I can make some choices to do what I can. The wants will still be there. No question of that. But maybe, hopefully, somewhere along the way I will learn to be fulfilled by what I can.
So, what I CAN do is try, strive to:
1) Get my hemoglobin A1C under 7.0,
2) Be consistent with my physical therapy,
3) Come up with and complete a realistic, prerequisite to-do list for surgery,
4) Learn to eat a healthy and frugal diet on a disability/SNAP income,
5) Stop making things worse by trying to live as if I were still 20 and hale,
6) Learn to plan meals instead of reacting to being hungry, and
7) Practice consistent accountability to myself for my well being.
Seven goals. A lucky number, if you're one to believe in luck. I'm generally more of the make-your-own luck camp, myself. Besides, if I were going to have a lucky number it would be 12. Don't ask. Just don't. Some of these goals will take education and self examination. Some are going to need smaller steps to be able to accomplish the big goal. Some have easily-identified criteria and some don't.