Thursday, October 10, 2013
I have always had anger problems since I was young. I have been gaining control of this for the past few months by seeing a therapist. I also have terrible anxiety which has improved over the past few months as well. I was never diagnosed with depression however since my bf (wasn't some silly relationship, we were planning our future together)recently broke up with me about 3 weeks ago all I feel lately is anger, sadness, confusion, aggression, the list goes on. I go to work and I dread coming home because I just don't want to be here alone. I never lived with him, I've had a roommate for the past few years so I'm not sure why I dread going home, I suppose it is because I don't want to be alone. I am always very sad, crying all the time when I am alone and I honestly wish I could not exist. I even looked up ways to die last night as I laid in bed crying. I feel like all of the work I have done to get a grasp on my problems has gone out the window.
I've never been in this much pain and misery and I don't know what to do to stop feeling like this. I have started to incorporate more exercise into my daily life however it takes so much energy and focus to even get myself to do anything. I just want to stop feeling this way and I don't know how. I see all of these happy people around me and I don't know how to feel like that. Why can't I be normal?