Thursday, October 10, 2013
Last night I was terribly sore but emersed myself in the hot tub... floated there until the aches left... so when DH joined me I was able to offer a massage and enjoy giving it. However by the time I was ready for bed every part of me ached. I don't like taking too much pain medication but I kept waking up which is a real sign that I've pushed myself too hard.
Great start to the day although I got up with a terrible headache so it was a little slow until that passed. So far the tools are helping me make better choices. The scale moved downward. Woo hoo! The Writer's Diet has several tools that I'm trying to integrate to my days to "write myself thin". So far I am very impressed with the author who has a similar background to me. That helps. The tools so far:
1. Morning pages every day to figure out where you are at.
2. Journaling whenever you eat... and pretty much as much as you can
3. Walk 20 minutes/meditate as you do
4. When you want to eat ask yourself the 4 questions
5. Make a culinary artists' date
6. HALT (see the last blog)
7. and Today's tool is to have a Body Buddy
I use Spark People and I'm trying to communicate with my family what I'm trying to do, but I don't have someone in particular who I can talk to and get feedback. I've joined the Writer's Diet Spark Team so am hoping I can find someone to help me be honest about where I'm at. The book describes basically a sponsor. Someone to check in with daily who you can share your journal with, your day, and talk about when food slips ups happen and why or be a cheerleader when you need it. NorasPat is one of my very good cheerleader's and gives me good advice. I also get wonderful cheerleading from 1CrazyDog and NasfKab is always reading my blogs which helpe me feel accountable. There are lots of other spark friends who pop in and help me. It's funny because I can't discount my own insights when I'm blogging. So often when I'm describing a problem I see the solution... or better yet when I'm reading and commenting on someone else's blog I realize my advice is as much for me as for them. I can't say enough about blogging and how it has helped me evolve.
Part of my is looking at these tools and thinking "I already do these".... but I feel like I have not been doing them with passion. Certainly not like when I was really suffering with an eating disorder. In those days I was panicked. I had 3 little kids and a life I could see slipping away. It was all a "shock" finally seeing myself and my behaviour clearly. I felt... desparate. And, I felt like I had no choice. This is the same... but different. I know that I have been plateaued for a while and those tools I kind of have not been putting to use well. This time I feel ready in a different way. I'm not battling uncontrolled binging or fad diets. I'm not newly diabetic with doctors trying to push behaviours on me. My goodness, that was over 20 years ago! The me today is calmer, has more skills developed, and has more insight to all my positives and negatives. Before I was full of shame and now... I feel more comfortable with this. Certainly I have so much more information about food and what "works" for me. I'm not trying to fit myself into a square hole. No... I'm trying to sculpt myself into something I truly am inside. Hahaha, like washing the layers of dirt gently off a lovely statue.
I have to say, last night as I crawled into bed, I didn't have a bedtime snack and didn't feel hungry for one either. And today at lunch I came in from working outside and made a salad and grabbed water just when the hunger was starting. I feel really good. Hehehe, we'll see how I feel as the days count down.