200...it is NOT just a number.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
I'm starting to feel more positive about this process. I finally got paid and went out and bought a lot of "healthy" foods. I got a big bag of frozen veggies at Costco and a few packages of skinless, boneless chicken thighs - quick, easy stir-fry. A big bag of quinoa, which I have to eat sparingly. A few packages of Morningstar Farms "bacon" strips and "chicken" patties for breakfast and a quick snack/lunch/dinner. Some natural peanut butter, Ezekiel bread, Dubliner cheese and Marmite for a a power snack - also sparingly. I always feel so much more motivated when I have good, healthy, nutrition-packed food.
Ding, ding, ding! So having a house full of food to cook healthy meals is more motivating than having an empty pantry? Yep. I just have to keep things stocked and not stop spending that money on good food as we get closer to the end of the month. I get paid at the beginning of the month, hubby in the middle...so I should restock when he gets paid. I can't let the pantry get empty and live on fast food.
The treadmill is still sitting and gathering dust. I don't know why I can't get motivated to do it - maybe because I know what it's going to feel like to try to move around all of this excess weight? But it has to be done. Tomorrow I start work late and I am going to prepare my gym clothes tonight so I can go to the gym in the morning. That'll be a good first step. I have to shower tonight and prepare my clothes...not skip the shower and do it in the morning as an excuse for not having time to go to the gym.
Hubby's crazy, 3-month work-a-thon is finally coming to an end next month. We can finally say "next" month and not "in 3 months, in 2 months". It's next month. I can't wait until he'll have a normal schedule, we can have normal evenings like other normal, boring people.
Blood work all came back normal. That's good. He's normal. I'm normal. So why in the heck can we not stay pregnant?!?!?! So far, everything wrong has been addressed and it still isn't working. Doctor gave us 4 more Clomid cycles before he "strongly" suggests we move on to IVF. It's so hard for me to decide to go with IVF when I know that there is no medical reason for our issues. How can we keep coming up normal on tests and still have it take so long to get pregnant and then not maintain a pregnancy when we finally have one? UGH.
I've been avoiding Facebook like the plague for close to 2 weeks now, I think. Or shall I call it "Babybook". I suddenly just really dislike Facebook - I don't care that you're drinking a Latte, I don't care that your baby just pooped, I don't care that you're tired and I'm sick of the pithy status updates...I always wonder how long it took a person to come up with their perfectly worded update? At least on SP I can either read a blog or not, respond or not and move on...it isn't in my face at all times. I have to say, I have sworn off FB in the past and felt great. I went back because I thought I could deal with it...nope. Until I have a baby of my own, I don't think I'll be going back to FB...
Today I logged all of my food AND stayed within my calorie range, although I think 1500 is too high for me. That's a "maintenance" number, not a "losing" number. I need to be at 1200 or under to lose weight. But hey, it all got logged and it is within my range, so there!
I stepped on the scale again, only to see 200 flashing back at me. Hello, old foe. One thing I really need to do other than keep that good food around and LOG it and go to the gym is, FACE REALITY. I can't keep avoiding the scale. So I will weigh myself each and every morning so that reality is first and foremost when I begin the day. I'm hoping it will help me to keep my hand out of the cookie jar, think twice before ordering a loaded burrito for lunch, avoid the ice cream aisle and drive straight past the drive-thru.