Wednesday, October 09, 2013
I think I'm in maintenance only I don't know it yet. I've been gaining an losing the same 2-3 pounds since the summer. In reality I am still 2-3 pounds (the same 2-3 pounds) away from my original goal. Now therein lies the problem. Should I still be pushing myself to lose those last three pounds or should I just recognize this as my goal weight and be happy with that. I have knee pain, but unfortunately that is due to osteoarthritis and I don't believe losing more weight will help relieve the pain. I don't have any other health issues so losing more weight will not improve my overall state of wellness. Generally I feel good. I am happy with the way I look in my clothes, I "feel" good about myself, I am able to eat a wide variety of foods, mostly good choices with a few not so healthy choices thrown in there, but they are things that I find comfort in. I get a good amount of daily exercise (on weekends I am usually able to walk longer due to time constraints during the week), I'm sleeping well, my last PE with my doctor showed good lab results so...... why are those last three pounds nagging at me in the back of my mind that I still have to lose three pounds? I keep telling myself it's just a number!! If I didn't have a scale I would feel as though my weight is where it's suppose to be. And these are the types of comments or words of advice I would give to other Sparkfriends when they say they are not happy with their weight. In trying to accept the "number" I've considered not getting on the scale, but that has proven to be my mentor so to say. If the scales starts to creep upwards past what I would consider for myself to be "the danger" zone I know I have to reel myself in, readjust, get back to exercise if I have been being a little to lax and refocus on my eating. I have make a very stern vow to myself that I WILL NOT go back to where I have been so many times before. In January I will be celebrating a one year Spark - a - versary and I do so want it to be a celebration. I want it to be a celebration for a lifetime. Yet I still can feel the fear of failure, of not being that person I want to be, the fear of being in maintenance and not being ready for it. This is the grey area where I have been before.... I'm off the high of losing weight, people don't comment anymore that "Oh you've lost weight; you look great" because now this is my new norm. I can't try on my clothes anymore an revel in the fact that they are too big because now I am wearing mostly clothes that fit. Sometimes I think that's part of the problem. I'm not used to wearing clothes that fit so they actually feel small because they're not baggy so my mind is playing tricks on my saying these are too small you need to lose more weight! They high is gone so I've lost the drive to push, to drink all the water, to track, count calories and I feel like I am setting myself up for failure AGAIN!! I need to find the happy medium, I need to be happy with what I have achieved and MAINTAIN. I need to be able to accept the success I have achieved and be satisfied with that. I am still a work in progress; therefore I am grateful that I have this website and Spark friends who I can turn to for advice, words to the wise, encouragement, support and hope. I so admire all those who struggle and keep pushing and I find strength and comfort in those who have achieved success and still stay on this site to continue to maintain and support others. Thank you Sparks and Spark Friends!! Let's all continue to be present everyday to help, support, encourage, advise, listen, cheer, laugh, cry and do all that we can to be the best we can to ourselves and to eachother.