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    SDLEE514   16,514
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Kind of irritated--not spark related

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

So I mentioned last blog that I had friends coming to visit this weekend, another couple will be staying with us 3 nights. I am soooo excited and this friend means a lot to me, she basically introduced me to my bf. However, and I feel so selfish for even thinking this, but I am....I am being gracious enough to host them (and we really dont have a lot of space, and she hates cats, so I will be offering them our own bed in the bedroom so she doesn't have to deal with the cat at night) but, she has made plans with another friend in town. She will be going bridesmaid dress shopping with this friend (it is unclear whether she means for herself or her friend, as she is engaged) I will be sad if it is for her bc that means I am not a bridesmaid and maybe its me, but that's not exactly considerate to being staying with a good friend who's not good enough to be a bridesmaid. If it's for her friend it's still a little awkward to be bailing on the people you're staying with to go do something else...then she asked if she could invite her friend to come out with us after.

Now I'm a friendly person, I don't want to say no, but I don't know this person...I want to have fun with my friends, not my friends and some random person I don't know. I'm sure it will be fine and we'll all have fun, but it still kind of annoys me. Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

Not to mention that they are going bridesmaid dress shopping. It's like rubbing it in my face that I'm the only one not engaged. And honestly, it's really starting to get to me that my bf and I are not engaged. I feel like I'm getting insecure about my relationship, and I've been asking my bf a lot...even saying you should know by now whether you want to be with me, and he always says he does, so then WHAT is the hesitation? He can never give me an answer. We have lived together for over 3 years...been together almost 7 years... *sigh*
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HONEYBADGERRUNS 10/11/2013 4:44AM

    Maybe she is swept up in the friend's wedding planning or feels forced to go - do you feel like you can say something? I am not sure why she has to sleep in you bed though just because she hates cats! Can't the kitty stay with you and she stay on the couch?

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CLRWILLIAMS25 10/9/2013 2:51PM

    I would be annoyed too, especially since this seems like recent news to you. It would be one thing if your visiting friend had outlined that from x time to x time, she had a prior commitment to try on bm dressed for her friend's wedding (assuming it is for the friend's wedding). You could always go the passive aggressive route and ask what color/style the friend chose for her wedding...

As for your issues with your bf, I'm not sure how to help. What is he waiting for?!? You don't want him to feel forced into a marriage/kids and resent it, but at the same time, you deserve to be with someone who is on the same page as you. emoticon
I hope everything works out for you and your friends this weekend.

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HEALTHY-SPARK 10/9/2013 2:06PM

    Well I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it turns out to be an awesome weekend for you. Sometimes "guests" just don't realize what an inconvenience it can be to host someone in your house for multiple days, and I think people can be inconsiderate without realizing it. You should talk to your friend though and get the scoop on what the dress-shopping is all about. Good luck!

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LEB0401 10/9/2013 1:55PM

    That would make my blood boil.

But you're right, the friend she's meeting and bringing along could end up being awesome. She likes the both of you, maybe you have a lot in common? Then you've got a brand new friend out of the deal.

Marriage issue.... I can totally get how the bridesmaid dress shopping could feel like rubbing salt on your wound, especially since she had the opportunity to invite you and didn't. Maybe it is for the other friend, and she didn't want to invite people along without talking to her first? If the dresses are for your guest's wedding, then that is just RUDE and she loses friendpoints. But that is her etiquette misstep and not yours, and reflects only on her. No need to hold bad feelings about it.

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CARADAWN 10/9/2013 11:00AM

    I understand how you are feeling about your friend but I wouldn't let it really get to you. She chose to stay with YOU which means you are the main reason she is visiting and not the other friend. I am sure the other friend would be offended if your friend was in town and didn't see her so she may just be trying to please everyone. Be honest with her if you are feeling left, she probably has no idea how you feel!

As far as the boyfriend / engagement goes I think you need to decide what is your "breaking point" and not to pass it. If you really want to be married and move that direction in life and he is not showing any signs of also wanting that then you have a decision to make. If you are happy to stay living together as boyfriend/girlfriend then there is nothing wrong with that. But since it sounds like you want more then you have to act on it - move on or get out. If ya'll are not on the same page it can really hurt your furture and you don't want him to ever feel like he was pressured into something (marriage, kids, etc.) and be resentful for it. But, you never know, he may be planning a proposal and just hasn't found the right time!!

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DEBJAE 10/9/2013 9:15AM

    Some people just aren't gracious, or maybe they don't know how to be? I've figured this out in the last two years since I've moved away from friends & family. Certain ones stay with me and pay for my meals and chip in anywhere they can, others don't lift a finger or offer a cent, lol. I just enjoy them either way.

BUT...the whole going to hang out with another friend is a little hard to swallow, specifically because of the engagement/bridesmaid issue. I would simply ask her "who are you bridesmaid dress shopping for?" that way you'll know right there where you stand, if you're ready to face that.

When I go visit/stay with someone and IF I have the opportunity to visit with someone else, I do it while my host is busy, as in at work still or something like that so I'm not being rude. If your fried wants to hang out with this other person you don't even know, why isn't she just staying with her????

Try to relax and enjoy your friend as much as you can while she's with you...and hopefully it will be a great weekend.

I have zero advice on the boyfriend/long relationship/no engagement issue. I'm single and am not convinced marriage is best for me. I hope you get what you're looking for from your bf soon :)

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IRP1114 10/9/2013 9:12AM

    I'd feel the same way. I hope things turn out ok. That bf doesn't know what he is missing ; ) Hopefully one of these days he can open up to you and let you know what his hesitations are before you get tiered of waiting.
Good luck with the guests! I am sure no matter what it can't be worse than a sis in law that shows up unannounced with 6 kids and ends up staying a month!!! emoticon emoticon

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CHEETARA79 10/9/2013 9:06AM

    I think if I had a houseguest staying for 3 nights, I would be relieved if they had other plans for some part of the weekend. I need my ME time! I love entertaining guests but I think sometimes it's gracious of them to give their hosts a break.

I'm not trying to disagree with you or anything; this is just my perspective.

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BONOLICIOUS2 10/9/2013 8:59AM

    Really hoping it is for some other friend... or who knows?! Maybe it is you? [No offense, at this point, getting asked to be a bridesmaid AGAIN would be really annoying and maybe it is GOOD not to be asked?!]

If she really wanted to see multiple people, especially ones that you don't know and for reasons like this, maybe she should have stayed in a hotel. It is rather inconsiderate. Are you supposed to wait around for her or give her a key like your house is a hotel? Ugh.

But you never know, it could end up being a super awesome fun weekend. I'd try not to get too hung up on it but if she ends up bailing on you a lot, tell her how you feel. Sounds like she's being a little opportunistic.

I don't know what to tell you about the engagement thing because I'm in the same exact boat. 3 yrs living together, almost 7 dating. My bf also says all of the time he's totally in love with me, I'm his best friend, etc... so I don't get it either. I'm watching a lot of people get married before me (my 19 year old sister included) and it gets exhausting to be happy for everyone else sometimes. If you figure something out let me know!

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KABMPH 10/9/2013 8:36AM

    Carolyn Hax, the advice columnist for the Washington Post, often answers the question about hesitation to getting married. She has chats every Friday at noon on the Washington Post website, too. I love her. Reading her advice has really helped me to become a better, more mature person all around.



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LIALEEPANTHER 10/9/2013 8:32AM

    That does sound tough. Hope things work out for you. She better be a gracious guest, lots of gifts and chipping in! Hope it turns out that its a bridesmaid dress for some other wedding.

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