Tuesday, October 08, 2013
#6 - Motivation
List all the reasons you want to lose weight.
The reasons I want to lose weight are mainly for health, a little vanity, and a little fitness.
My family history contains all of the 'fat' diseases. Hypertension, cholesterol, Diabetes, you name it. I really do not want to go down that path. I never much cared for my health before because I spent a fair amount of time being depressed.
I honestly thought I would be dead before I was even 25. Now, I can't imagine that. Only having one year left? And so I've been thinking of my future and I really don't want to live a diseased life. Now that I don't want to die, I want to LIVE, which means I need to do anything I can to decrease my risk of disease: losing weight, eating healthier, and exercising regularly.
I grew up thinking I was obese. I really believed I was horribly overweight - morbidly obese - and hating wearing shorts, tank tops, and being photographed.
The saddest part, though, is that I wasn't. I see pictures of me from my childhood and they are shocking, because the picture that exists is NOT the image I've had in my head of what I looked like. I was healthy - I was thin. And I was obviously very insecure. I know where the distortion comes from, and I try to deal with it, but the fact is that I became fat largely because I believed I was fat.
I want to lose weight so I can feel good about shopping in a way I never did because in my head I was always the fat girl. I want to lose weight because I want to stop thinking of myself as fat-especially considering how many years have already been wasted undeservedly in that regard.
I never thought I would like running. I loved it as a kid, but somehow I lost that into the high school years. I think it goes with the last bit - I thought I was fat, so I was too embarrassed to let anyone see how bad it was. Even when I would go to the gym regularly, even when I was at my lowest weight - I avoided running like the plague. I would use every piece of equipment in the gym except treadmills. Why run when I could bike?
Recently, I bought the Zombies, Run! app for my iPod (sadly, I don't get gps benefits of the game) and I love it. Further - it has made me realize I love running! I remembered the forgotten childhood joy of running. But I still can't run very fast or very long without needing to take a walk break.
I want to lose weight so running will become easier to the point where I can do it for 30 minutes straight WITHOUT walking, and WITHOUT being ashamed of people seeing me run.
Whether I am placed on a team for this Challenge or not, I am glad to have written this down.