Tuesday, October 08, 2013
More ramblings from me... I actually sent my boyfriend an email when I got to work this morning and the subject was "ramblings." Guess I am in a rambling mood.
Yesterday was kind of a cluster. As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, I was pretty much dreading a conversation I needed to have with a client yesterday. I hate having to be the bearer of bad news sometimes, but the bad news was compounded by the fact that there was nothing else I could do for her anymore, and I didnt think she would take it well. I met with my therapist yesterday morning and so since I was feeling so anxious, that is what we discussed. Particularly, that I would likely feel very guilty afterwards, even though I know I did everything I could, and with this particular client, went well above and beyond. I am happy to say that the conversation didnt go as bad as I had imagined it, and I didnt leave or go home feeling guilty about it.
But I did go home and feel guilty about something else that happened at work that was not my fault in any way, shape, or form. Someone else's irresponsibility and lack of team work caused a huge problem, and of course I am the one who went home feeling guilty about it. This is where I have a hard time with setting boundaries, etc. Its not even something that I did or had any direct connection to, but I still went home and felt bad. This is why I have such a hard time lately.
I know the reason I was feeling so blah over the weekend was because of work anxiety. I know that therapy is helping because I could have been A LOT worse over the weekend, but it sucks to know that getting better is going to take a lot more than just 4 therapy sessions.
I am not sure if I will be travelling next week now, and I am kind of hoping that I wont. I really just want to get myself situated again. I feel discombobulated and need to re-center myself I suppose. I want to get stuff done at my house. I have a list! I also havent cooked on a weekend in I dont even remember how long. I make plans to cook. I buy food to cook - what a waste of $$ and good food! But I dont cook. And then I am struggling all week over what to eat. And with my stomach troubles, I've been having anxiety over what to eat, too! I guess in a nutshell you could say that I am overwhelmed.
I can say that I am getting in my workouts. In fact, even though I went to the Academy yesterday, and usually go right home afterwards, I drove back to my base and went to the gym. I got in a good ST session followed by some light cardio. I followed up with pizza, which wasnt an ideal choice, but I at least made it to the gym. That is usually a battle all in itself. Tonight I have dance class. I planned to possibly go and run today, too, but I dont think that will happen. I am not focused on running, so I am not letting myself feel bad if I miss a run. This is one thing I will not feel guilty about today.
I've seen a bunch of blogs recently counting down until Christmas. Can I just say that I cant believe Christmas is so soon?! I mean, J and I just discussed the other day that we need to figure out holiday plans before airfare gets too expensive, so I realistically know its in the near future, but under double digits is kind of frightening to me! That means I need to start figuring out Christmas presents, budgeting some money, etc. Yikes!
This overwhelmed girl is getting even more overwhelmed just thinking about it. One day at a time.
Going to see the GI specialist tomorrow afternoon, finally. I hope he can figure out what is wrong with my stomach, but if he blows me off or tells me nothing is wrong, I will probably break down and cry.
Well, I guess it's time to get back to work. I have another difficult conversation to have this afternoon and then some meetings to schedule. Just have to take it one day, one issue at a time, I suppose.