Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Well now that everyone is back at school my husband has decided to paint the living room. We hired the same people who did the basement. They do really great work.
Everything else in my life is the same up/down/round and round. I keep thinking all this craziness is in my head but then if that were the case both my daughter and I would be sharing the same illusion.
Poor Kellie she is only 11 and she can see that things are not rite. She keeps asking me if were are going to get a divorce and then says things" like well if you do I am not going with either of you. No offence mom but I am not picking." I never asked her about her opinion. But now I am feeling bad because it is affecting her. She has had a headache for 2 days and I am pretty sure it is because of the stress she feels. I think I am just used to being here and it doesn't affect me like it used to. Don't get me wrong my stomach is still in knots. But when things are calm things are good. Like now.
Although I know they won't stay that way. He gets annoyed at everyone for everything an all he does is yell.
Today he e- mailed me and added a p.s. I love you. I tend to want to think he is trying but I know that it is temporary and he will go back to the way he was before. Because that is the routine.
I don't know how I feel about that. I didn't respond. I think I am just biding my time.
I am constantly tired. Sometimes I think I am crazy and some times I think I just want to run and never look back.
Well this week he is going to have the surgery on his neck to remove the lump but this time they are Sedating him. I am sure that is making him nervous. His family is paranoid about anesthesia. They had an aunt that died from too much. So once again I will wait and see. But since he is miserable before the surgery I can only imagine what he will be like after.
Until Next time.