Monday, October 07, 2013
The day I was dreading!!!! Normally, I can handle the stress around me. Normally, I can count to 10 and defuse the situation that is blowing up. But today, I don't know why, all my defense mechanism's gave out. Suddenly, I couldn't handle the stress, everything I said was wrong, taken out of context, thrown back in my face. I tried offers of help and they were refused, I tried suggestions to make her feel better and they wouldn't work. I offered to take her for a ride around, just to get her out and that wasn't good enough. Since being here in July it hasn't happened. I have been able to work things out, and today finally I snapped!! Now, 3 Kit Kat Bar's and 3 Nestle Crunch Bar's and 2063 calories later, and I am wondering what have I done????? Tonight I will do 30 min on the exercise bike, to try to make up for it, and pray I haven't done too much damage to the progress I have made. And after a good long cry tonight, when everyone else goes to bed, I will go to sleep resolved to start again tomorrow and refuse to let someone bring me to the point where I lose control over choices I make. It didn't help the day, for the moment it tasted good, and I felt good eating it, but now, am in tears over it -- not worth it any longer. I had been posting my calories and fat and protein intakes as an accountability thing for one of the groups I am in... and I thought I can't post this... then I thought, I post the good days, I have to take accountability for today, so it is posted for all to see. Thankfully tomorrow is a new day. And a new start. Praise God for that.