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    SOFT_VAL67   93,967
80,000-99,999 SparkPoints

inside this place

Monday, October 07, 2013

Awoke to the sound of rain falling, hitting the leaves on the ground outside my window.
A nice morning to just roll over and go back to sleep. I had pretty much decided there would be no chance of a walk today, as the track is quite slick when its wet.
I walked onto my porch to feed the dog around 11am, and it was very chilly outside.
So, it has me craving a good long walk.
I think possibly, if no more rain, I will go to the park later and walk on some of the dirt trails, hidden by the trees, I am sure they arent muddy.
I think its a nice day for it, although, even as I type this, the sun is re-appearing and will probably get hot out.
Just my luck.
But anyway, its fall, might as well get used to it.
This time last year was sure different, I was at the height of my weight loss, losing at least a pound or two a week.
The future was looking so bright. I guess I hit a wall and it was a very tall one because since January I havent been able to get back to that place.
I dont give up, I make mistakes, often.
I eat things I wouldnt have dared touch a year ago.
And yes, I have moments of great guilt. Feelings of failure and desperation.
I try to stay positive. It isnt easy when you struggle and try and have one good day out of five. But I wont go back.
I will never say, "go ahead, have another piece of pizza, or drink a soda or whatever"
I will stay on this course, even when the wall jumps up and knocks me back down.
There has to be some give.
I MUST start losing weight again, its just that simple, I wont stop until I do.
This is my mantra, my will power is tested daily, my resolve, my desire....
I spark, I count calories, fat, protein, carbs, I try to add fiber, calcium, iron, and get my vitamins.
Each and every day I am here, each and every day I awake with the best intentions.
I know we arent supposed to focus so much on the numbers, we arent suppose to make it all about the scale, but I havent seen a loss in so long, there has to be some issue.
There has to be, right???
So, anyway, I will get that walk in today, because my body desires it. My heart longs for it, my mind says do it, and my determination says "show them"!!!
Show myself!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
IAMBIZI 10/8/2013 12:21AM

    hope you had a nice walk!
bizi emoticon

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SMITTY4RL 10/7/2013 9:02PM

    Hang in there--I know that's pretty easy to say, but hard when you face no losses for a while. You've such a great attitude, hope you were able to get that walk in after all.

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CAPECODBABE 10/7/2013 7:33PM

    Great attitude emoticon

Hope it was a great walk.

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LOTUSBURGER 10/7/2013 6:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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