Monday, October 07, 2013
On September 1st we moved into a house. It has been pretty hectic, but at the same time not at all. Ever feel like you complicate your own life by thinking it's complicated? I haven't worked since August, and it's starting to become a drag on me. I miss working, but I knew I couldn't continue working somewhere like where I was. I just needed to get away and give my mind a BREAK, but honestly I've given myself too much of a break. Now is really around the time that I need to get my act together, and it starts with caring for myself.
So I reached my 5k mark, and like many, I just stopped. I hate when I do that to myself, so today I'm going to start eating within my calorie ranges again, and go for my run that I used to do 3 times a week. So many negative things happen when I let myself spiral outside of my goals. I go to bed way too late, I wake up way too late, I feel pudgy, gained weight (4 lbs+), my face feels puffy and swollen, and I my acne came back in full force. I haven't even bothered to put my contacts in to show my eyes-- I've been hiding behind my glasses. All these things make me feel icky. So if any of you reading this feel like giving up, this is what you look forward to. And it's only been about 1 - 2 months of not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
I have relished in my accomplishments for too long, and I really need to start looking at that next chapter and working towards the next 25 lbs. I remember when I lost my first 10 - 20 lbs-- and I felt like I haven't lost anything. Like "It's only 10 - 20 lbs... who cares." Now I relish for the next 10, and the 10 after. I'm in my 170s, and it has been as difficult for me to break through, since I felt comfortable in my skin for a bit. But now I don't. I feel pretty gross to be honest with you. But I know I will feel so great once I get to 150s, and I need to keep that goal in mind.
When it comes to school and everything, I graduated. I'm applying to schools for an MA, MS, or PhD in IO Psychology. I'm shooting for some PhDs, but honestly I would be extremely content earning my MS for right now, working for a few years, and then earning my PhD if I feel it's a good move for me. I'm pretty stressed about the whole thing... I need letters of recommendation, I'm worried I won't do well on the GRE (need to get to studying) and overall just stressed about what's to come.
My biggest fear is living alone. Wherever I go, I know I won't be within distance of my husband. But I feel I never had a chance to grow alone, and neither has he-- so it would be a good experience for us I hope. If it isn't, well, it wasn't meant to be anyway. So I hope I can work through it. All I know is that this is the right decision for me, and I have to sometimes take my needs into account too. Fortunately my husband understands, but it's not going to be easy.
Anyway, enough chatting. I'm absolutely starving! Time to go munch on food. See you all!
Oh and PS: I have a tortoise now! Will definitely post pictures of my lil' guy once I have a chance. His name is Morgan. :)