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    SPARKMYWAY47   1,432
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ALOT has happened since then


Monday, October 07, 2013

Coming back to where i need to be. This week, my significant other of many years, my high school sweetheart have separated, called it quits, we both wanted it but i called it. I could not stay in a dead relationship any more, it felt like i was waiting to die.. Our son is fifteen and he is okay with it, he will stay with his father. He has had enough too.

Even though i called it quits, i have been severely depressed because it almost feels like suffering a death of someone. And it kind of is, the end of a life with a man i spent so much time with, our house we built. Our family, our animals. Really devastating. And to be starting over at 51 and to be 245 pounds.

So tonight i am staying over to my sisters. I have all the rabbits up for sale, i moved a few things here, i will only be staying a month or so till i move into town into my brothers building. He is fixing up his downstairs very large studio apt for me. And only charging me two hundred dollars. My ex is been to the bank to get me money for my part of the house and that will be that. I dont want to ever go back to that house, he has made me really resent it because of his half assing everything and never getting stuff done. Im really glad to be leaving that place.

So everyone, any of you been in this dilemma? Have any of you started over at my age? I know one thing, the very first thing i am going to tackle and overcome is my weight problem. Thats why i am here and im here to stay, miss all of you. I bought a dulux model tony little gazelle excersize machine and tomorrow morning is my first day on it, i also bought myself a nutribullet and tomorrow i will use it for two meals. I am going to stick with this, and do it. I want to feel good again, be able to move around freely and be energetic.

So while riding over to my sisters this evening with the truck packed with some of my stuff i started crying again big time, this was after the talk i had with him today away from the house. Talk about what happened to us, how did we get here, and he had a few choice things that hurt my feelings pretty bad but i have to say even if he would of changed his tune and begged me to stay and promised the world i could not of made a different decision. It was way to late. Dont get me wrong, he did not ask, he said our relationship was done along time ago, that was the truth, probly why i felt like i was just waiting there to die. During this talk i cried alot of tears, grieving over something that has past and never to return, scared about the future. So on the way here in the truck i started crying, reallly sobbing then it passed. A few minutes later I realized, hey i actually feel better this time. Right then and there i realized the grief is working itself out and I was going to be okay in time. I have new experiences to find, i have a new life waiting out there, and it will only be as good as i make it and as i want it. Good nite folks. If any of you started over like im going to do now, please let me know what you did and what happened.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MORTICIAADDAMS 10/8/2013 3:51PM

    I suffered through the dead marriage at 30 and it was much like what you described so I tend to think regardless of the age the effects are pretty much the same. I cried a lot but felt the same way. That my marriage sucked. It should have been buried years before. We married young too and outgrew each other. We never really had much in common. We were kids. After about 3 weeks I stopped crying, not that I wasn't sad, but I realized that what really bothered me wasn't burying the rotten marriage but that I was afraid of the future. Not knowing what I was going to do with the rest of my life.I knew I didn't want to stay in my marriage and suffer- and yes in 4 months he wanted to reconcile but I didn't. By then I was back to who I was before he "suffocated" me into the dismal life that comprised our marriage. He married a young girl and had 3 children with her and she left him and I've heard he has been married several times since then but I don't know. I have been away from him for 32 years and don't care. His friends tell me that they know he still loves me. The feeling is not mutual. I feel sorry for him and I want him to be happy and have a good life but I am happy and have a good life now and want no part of that mess long ago. I did meet my soul mate and we have been together for 31 years. When you have a good marriage then you see things a lot clearer. More than I ever could have understood back then. I'm glad I got divorced. Glad I got my life back and my sanity. I hope everything works out for you too.

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1CRAZYDOG 10/7/2013 9:52PM

    ((((((HUGS)))))) That's all I can say. It is a very painful time, but you will get thru it. Just don't be hesitant to vent here or wherever so you get the support you need!

So sorry.

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SPARK-PPL-GIRL 10/7/2013 11:07AM

    *HUGS* When you said things changed I didn't expect this blog. I'm so young. I don't have experience but what I can tell you is my parents divorced when I was 9 and I think it was the right thing for them. My mom has been happier in the long run than when she was going through it even if I wished our family could stay together.

I really didn't know the situation before, but I think this is just what you need for your journey to continue with weight loss and with the life you have left to lead :-) It's a new beginning for everything and while you might think it's scary or depressing just think of everything that will happen, especially everything YOU make happen here on out as opportunity, a gift from God to be able to focus on what you need for once and that can feel freeing if you let it :-)



Comment edited on: 10/7/2013 11:10:01 AM

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JANEMARIE77 10/7/2013 7:57AM

    Hugs be ready to ride the roller coaster of emotions. Remember feel them all cry when you need to but listen to the thoughts and do not let the negative self defeating take over find the next best thought I don't have a home yes but i have a roof over my head. just listen and find a better thought and remember 24 hours is hard to get through but the next 1 min is easy

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JUST_BRENDA 10/7/2013 6:50AM

    You have made big changes. This is an opportunity to become happy with your life! A new start!

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NANFACEMIRE1 10/7/2013 4:53AM

    You have some good goals with your starting over, especially your mind set. You are getting away and going on a journey that will be of much benefit to you. You realize and have planned for starting your new lifestyle with exercising and eating healthy. Make some new friends to enjoy time with and have some fun too. Good luck on your journey......you are worth it.

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TRACYZABELLE 10/7/2013 4:01AM

    Change is hard at times but may be a good thing-- concentrate on making you the best you can be emoticon

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DIANE7786 10/7/2013 3:15AM

    emoticon I haven't started over but I have gone through it with two friends who divorced when they were over 50. Both now have more satisfying lives than they imagined. Change is always hard. You cried about leaving the familiar even though it wasn't good. It's true that 50 is the new 40! You posted that your new life will be what you make it. Have fun!

Comment edited on: 10/7/2013 3:16:01 AM

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