Monday, October 07, 2013
Coming back to where i need to be. This week, my significant other of many years, my high school sweetheart have separated, called it quits, we both wanted it but i called it. I could not stay in a dead relationship any more, it felt like i was waiting to die.. Our son is fifteen and he is okay with it, he will stay with his father. He has had enough too.
Even though i called it quits, i have been severely depressed because it almost feels like suffering a death of someone. And it kind of is, the end of a life with a man i spent so much time with, our house we built. Our family, our animals. Really devastating. And to be starting over at 51 and to be 245 pounds.
So tonight i am staying over to my sisters. I have all the rabbits up for sale, i moved a few things here, i will only be staying a month or so till i move into town into my brothers building. He is fixing up his downstairs very large studio apt for me. And only charging me two hundred dollars. My ex is been to the bank to get me money for my part of the house and that will be that. I dont want to ever go back to that house, he has made me really resent it because of his half assing everything and never getting stuff done. Im really glad to be leaving that place.
So everyone, any of you been in this dilemma? Have any of you started over at my age? I know one thing, the very first thing i am going to tackle and overcome is my weight problem. Thats why i am here and im here to stay, miss all of you. I bought a dulux model tony little gazelle excersize machine and tomorrow morning is my first day on it, i also bought myself a nutribullet and tomorrow i will use it for two meals. I am going to stick with this, and do it. I want to feel good again, be able to move around freely and be energetic.
So while riding over to my sisters this evening with the truck packed with some of my stuff i started crying again big time, this was after the talk i had with him today away from the house. Talk about what happened to us, how did we get here, and he had a few choice things that hurt my feelings pretty bad but i have to say even if he would of changed his tune and begged me to stay and promised the world i could not of made a different decision. It was way to late. Dont get me wrong, he did not ask, he said our relationship was done along time ago, that was the truth, probly why i felt like i was just waiting there to die. During this talk i cried alot of tears, grieving over something that has past and never to return, scared about the future. So on the way here in the truck i started crying, reallly sobbing then it passed. A few minutes later I realized, hey i actually feel better this time. Right then and there i realized the grief is working itself out and I was going to be okay in time. I have new experiences to find, i have a new life waiting out there, and it will only be as good as i make it and as i want it. Good nite folks. If any of you started over like im going to do now, please let me know what you did and what happened.