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    NORCALCAT   51,508
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And the second meeting...

Sunday, October 06, 2013

was just as good as the first. We read from the Al-Anon book - and again - my life was in there. It just validates me...the way I feel...and the way my life has been for the past 25 years. I used to think that love was the answer to all things...misguided me.

I know now that he has no feelings in him. He told me I was pathetic. Well....everyone I have spoken to says he is the pathetic one. And.....most of our mutual friends do not like the way he treats me - they think I can do better. I know I can! And I even got this from our mailman! HA!

Thank you Spark Friends....your encouragement means everything to me.....
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBINVA 10/8/2013 9:21AM

    It is a great program. The only one you can change is you. Don't regret the past, but learn from it. You would not be here if it were not for the past. Take life one day at a time and make sure you take some time to take care of yourself.

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 10/7/2013 10:53AM

    In the category of unsolicited advice, I'll share a couple of thoughts...ignore them if they're adding to your confusion or not useful!

I went through Al-anon a few years ago - it took me several years to get out of the rut of thinking/wishing I could change my birth family (my dad, mom and brother were all alcoholics.) I had to learn to start standing up for myself as having a valid opinion . Lately I'm reapplying what I learned then to our current situation with our son and it's become a lot easier to draw the line in the sand and let him make his own choices (however stupid they might be).

Much of my own problem was that I tend to have a "helper" personality and I wanted to help "FIX" everything - birth order may play a part of that too (I'm a first-born).

I say all this to encourage you to take your time - it didn't happen overnight and it may not get solved overnight but you WILL come out a better person and a stronger role model for your children, whatever happens in your relationship with your partner.

Like Sparking, you'll have days of strength and motivation and days when you just want to curl up under a blanket and not want to have to the "strong" one. It's OK to have those days - it's normal! Just try not to make major decisions on your "down" days, decisions made out of fear are not usually the best.

There will be healing - don't try to force it, it will come, maybe just a little at a time, when you're ready for it. That sounds kind of hocus-pocus but I know that's how it worked for me. I don't think I could've handled it if my outlook/worldview had changed completely overnight.

Stick with the meetings for as long as they're doing you good - you may get to a point where a different group would be advisable - not necessarily, but keep it in mind - even in our tiny little town there were two groups. It was the second group that I went to that I felt more comfortable in.

You're making the right decision to start looking after yourself in this area - again, it's like Sparking ...you ARE worth it!
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edit - sorry! didn't realize I'd written a book here!

Comment edited on: 10/7/2013 10:54:04 AM

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PATTYKLAVER 10/7/2013 10:00AM

    It's hard to see the forest from the trees most times. I have done the same thing and am learning still that I must take care of me - that I am a special person worthy of love. You are, too!

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BEATLETOT 10/7/2013 3:29AM

    You are taking care of you! I'm glad you are learning a lot at your meetings.

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BLUEROSE73 10/7/2013 12:48AM

    You can do better. I'm glad to hear you have the support you need to find your strength to deal with this issue.

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LALMEIDA 10/6/2013 9:16PM

  emoticon

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MTNGRL 10/6/2013 7:17PM

    emoticon Glad that your meeting went well and it validates what you are feeling.

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5BADDOGS 10/6/2013 7:15PM

    Not sure how long you've been living with an alcoholic husband... It took me about 5 years to admit that is what mine had become, and at least one more after that to grasp that I couldn't help him. A book that REALLY helped me understand what had gone so terribly wrong in our marriage was "Co-dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. It was an epiphany! I was able to let go of my shame, my guilt, and my frustration...

Two years later, he's been thru rehab and has been sober since. We felt like strangers at first, but we've come a long way in rebuilding our marriage. It's take time and work - but we're in a good place.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I sincerely hope he seeks help - and you find the strength to put yours and your kids' mental and physical health at the tip-top of your priority list. Be well - be safe.

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ROCKPORT9 10/6/2013 7:01PM

    I am so glad you are receiving the support you deserve! emoticon hugs, Laurel

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