Sunday, October 06, 2013
I don't know what to say. I worked so hard this summer & it got me no where. In June (when school let out) I started the Supreme 90 System with the goal of making some major physical changes over the next 3 months so that when I returned to work in September I would hear, "Wow, what did you do?"
I ate healthy from my garden. I exercised damn near every day. I got to day 58 in the program (skipped days for Zumba and also family vacation) which I thought was a valiant effort. I took a day 1 picture & found that day 30 looked exactly the same. Almost reached day 60 but didn't bother taking a pic because again I looked exactly the same. I found an online group using the program & they were using like 25 pound weights. I had 8 pounders. I want to slim down, not look like a body builder. Whatever.
So when school started back up I looked back at my weight graph & found that.... over the summer I gained 2 pounds. Ugh. Disgust. I've been so driven & dedicated & I'm just STUCK. I'm 5 pounds from a normal BMI & 10 pounds from my goal although I could probably lose 15.
It was around that time that my chiropractor came across a healing modality involving trapped emotions. We were playing with this & found I had ANGER which we cleared & I have had major changes in the way I react to situations/people that has brought me so much relief & joy that it's hard to believe. So we looked into my inability to lose weight & found OVERWHELM. It made sense so we got rid of that & for about 2 weeks I just didn't care about my weight or my goals or exercising. I didn't have the interest or drive anymore. It was just gone. I could not imagine that this was a good thing.
I forced myself to go to Zumba class & loved the energy & atmosphere. My love for exercise is coming back but my need for it has changed from a psychological need to a physical one. It's so weird. I've had a few weeks of healthy eating & exercising fairly regularly again but to my disappointment - the scale continues to hold steady. I am beginning to think that I should just change my GOAL WEIGHT to my current weight & keep on keepin' on. I just hate stressing about it. It is exhausting. So what if my BMI is still in the overweight range. I started out obese & am so much healthier and have boatloads of energy. I kinda like my body the way it is.
So that's about it. That's where I'm at. *A new limbo*. We'll see where this takes me.