Sunday, October 06, 2013
It's been a rough year and a half for me. Without going into too much detail, I've had child custody issues and a failing relationship. I've become depressed, I cannot sleep, I have not exercised and I am falling apart.
Today, I think, I've nailed down why I am losing it.
During my child custody issue, I had a goal, and I achieved it. At the beginning of this relationship, I put all my effort into making it work, only to have it begin to fall apart. And now, as it falls apart, I've lost hope and have nothing to strive for. I have no control.
I started to write my brother a letter telling him how badly I was doing when it struck me that maybe I should get up and go for a wog (walk/jog). I did, for about three miles and it felt good.
While walking, I thought about why my life and my emotions are falling apart and I realized I had lost hope and had no goals.
I need to save myself.
I am going to begin eating my salads twice a day (the original key to my weight loss) and begin a running program again. I am going to sign up for the Shamrock Half Marathon or the Shamrock 8k in March. I am going to begin tanning again. I am going to begin using Crest White Strips again. I am going to begin taking care of myself.
All I want to do is love and take care of a partner, but this may not be in my cards. I'm 38, single, with not a lot of hope. I'm not sure why.
So, this is a stride to get my hope back. When I have the courage, I'll get on the scale. And when I get some things sorted out, I'll come up with another weight loss goal.
To Sharla, thank you for being a health friend all these years. Your little posts and pokes bring me around each time. And to my friend the Evil Klown, you too.